13. Reese
S he’s a virgin. Fuck, I assumed she had at least some experience. I mean, she’s twenty-three. There must have been plenty of men chasing after her. A growl bursts out of me at the mere thought of another man’s hands on my mate .
Calm down.
Her lack of experience is an even further reason why I can’t claim her. Her first time should be special and gentle… something I don’t know if I’m capable of anymore.
Blowing out a frustrated breath, I snag my truck keys from the kitchen counter and head out the door. The laundry list of reasons for us not to be together keeps growing. I’m too old, too tainted by life. Sydney is so pure and good. She deserves a full, happy life, not fate’s cruel joke of being shackled to my grumpy ass. For her sake, I wish fate hadn’t chosen her to be my mate. I’m aware I’m not the easiest person to be around.
“Yo, Reese.” Kiernan’s deep voice cuts off my downward spiral. Leaned against my truck, travel mug in hand, he dips his chin in greeting.
“Morning,” I huff, passing him on my way to the driver’s side door. Hopping into my seat, the sun beats through the windshield, temporarily blinding me. I reach a hand out and flip the visor down to shield my eyes.
Something black and hairy hits my hand, falling to rest in my lap. My body jolts and a very unmanly scream rips out of my mouth. “What the fuck!”
Without looking, I fling the thing into the backseat. Kiernan laughs like a fucking hyena from the passenger seat. Small tears glistening in his eyes as his face turns bright red, gasping for breath between laughs. Fucker.
“Oh my god. You make it too easy.” The asshole reaches a hand into the backseat. Bringing his clenched fist over the center console, he opens it to reveal a large fake tarantula laying on his palm.
“Fucking Tyler,” I mutter under my breath, cranking the ignition until my old truck roars to life. “I’m gonna kill that asshole one of these days.”
“Fucking Tyler, indeed. What’s up your ass anyway, man?” Taking a sip from his travel mug, Kiernan tosses the faux spider into the backseat again.
“Nothing.” Focusing my eyes on the dirt road ahead, I blow out a breath. The vein in my forehead comes to life, throbbing in time with each bump in the road.
“You’ve been grumpier than usual for the past week. Ever since Syd—oh, fuck.” He cuts himself off, a smug smile sliding into place on his smug fucking face.
“What?” I grit, playing dumb, hoping he’ll drop the subject .
“Don’t ‘what’ me, man. She’s your fated mate, isn’t she?” One dark brow draws up on his forehead, smirk still firmly in place.
The leather of the steering wheel creaks under my death grip as I grunt a noncommittal sound.
“Oh, she is! Man, this is perfect! Wren is gonna flip!” His voice raises with excitement. I’d almost think he’s a prepubescent girl with the way he’s bouncing in his damn seat, scheming all the fucking double dates he can think of, I’m sure.
“Do not tell Wren,” I warn, flashing him a stone-cold glare before returning my attention to the dirt road.
“Why? I tell my mate everything.”
“Sydney doesn’t know.”
“What? What do you mean? Are you rejecting the bond? Reese…” His voice drops low as he trails off, concern evident in his tone.
Pulling the truck to a stop on the logging road, I pinch the bridge of my nose. I sweep my fingers up to my eyes, applying pressure to block out the raging headache before it starts. “I don’t know, Kiernan,” I admit softly, turning to face him.
Kiernan is like a brother to me. The first shifter to join me at Cypress Valley; I’ve always been closer to him than Tyler. I know I can trust him and take his advice. “She’s a virgin, man.”
“So? Don’t tell me you still believe in the archaic ‘wait until marriage’ bullshit. You were a virgin once, too—back when the dinosaurs roamed the Earth.” The asshole laughs at my expense.
“Laugh it up, dick. I’m not much older than you.” I punch him in the shoulder, a wince marring his face. “I wasn’t exactly a saint when I was younger, but this is serious. What if I hurt her?”
“Reese, she’s your mate. She was literally made to take you.”
“Yeah, but she’s tiny and I’m… not.” I wave a hand at my crotch. This is not the conversation I thought I’d be having when I woke up this morning.
“Okay, thanks for the mental image of your monster dick that I didn’t need. I’m gonna have to bleach my eyes when I get home.”
“Jerk,” I mutter. “For argument’s sake, let’s say I don’t hurt her. She’s still Wren’s sister. Her little sister. She’s only twenty-three, man. I’m too old for her.”
“You’re only as old as you feel, man. And how do you feel when you’re around Sydney?”
Closing my eyes, I suck in a deep breath. Sydney’s smiling face flashes across my lids. Her white-blonde hair halos around her, fluttering gently in the breeze. Her head is tipped back, musical laughter flowing from her lips like she’s serenading me with the sweetest symphony. Dark-blonde lashes flutter open, revealing eyes so blue they nearly glow in the sun. Just imagining her, my heart picks up speed, tingles skittering over my skin, leaving a trail of goosebumps. Bringing my fingers to my mouth, I trace the smile there. The expression isn’t so foreign when she’s around.
“She makes me happy, light as air, carefree. I’ve never felt anything like this before.”
“Then her age doesn’t matter. The age gap between you isn’t important.” His whiskey-brown gaze bores into me.
Is it really that easy?
“She’s so full of life and joy. I’m afraid I’ll snuff out her light, Kiernan. My past isn’t a happy one.”
With a nervous sigh, I launch into explaining my past to Kiernan. I tell him everything, from sleeping around and partying when I first made it big, to the worst day of my life: the day I almost killed my best friend. Through it all, Kiernan sits quietly next to me, absorbing every word I speak.
“So, do you understand now, why fate must have fucked this one up? This innocent angel cannot be my fated mate. I don’t deserve her.”
Staring off into the calm forest, he’s quiet for a minute.
“Is that really how you see yourself, Reese? Like the villain in your own life?” Slicing back to me, his warm-brown eyes search my face as I shrug. “So what if you slept around? None of us are perfect. We all have our pasts. Plus, you’ve been celibate since living in Cypress Valley.” He winks, a crooked grin pulling up one corner of his mouth. Asshole. “Reese, your past doesn’t define you. One accident doesn’t make you or your bear inherently violent. Nothing has happened since then, right?”
My eyes linger on a yellow butterfly, flitting through the air without a care in the world. Why can’t that be me? “No, I haven’t hurt anyone since Joel. And my bear is more stable, more compliant, since moving here.”
Kiernan circles his hand in the air, like the solution is obvious. “See? Give yourself a chance, man. Stop pushing Sydney away and talk to her. Ya know, this impacts her just as much as it impacts you. She deserves a say.”
With a defeated sigh, I nod .
“And if you’re worried about Wren, don’t be. Lilac will be ecstatic. She just wants you and Sydney to be happy. And if that means the two of you end up together, then so be it.”
“That simple, huh?”
“Yeah, man. It’s that simple. Stop overthinking. And fucking stop beating yourself up over the past.” He holds his fist out, and reluctantly, I knock knuckles with him. Kiernan’s raucous laughter fills the small truck cab.
“I’ll try.” A small smile tugs at the corner of my mouth. The weight of the world no longer rests on my shoulders as I shift the truck back into drive. Maybe she can be mine … after I grovel for the way I reacted this morning.