20. Sydney
I ’m down to my last few days in Cypress Valley, and Reese has retreated into his shell, like a fucking coward. He’s barely spoken two words to me since that magical night in his truck.
Air whooshes from my lungs as I pick up my pencil. I need a distraction from the worry eating me alive.
Does he regret sleeping with me? Or is it something else?
My boss’s offer to come back wiggles like a worm on a hook in the back of my mind. That would be the simple solution—run back to my familiar life in the city. Try to forget about Reese and our mating bond.
The thought alone is like a noose around my neck—I can’t breathe. Gasping an inhale, oxygen fills my lungs, soothing the burn as I focus on the sketch in front of me.
A smile brightens my face. It’s one of the drawings from our day at the lake. Reese’s giant grizzly lazes on his side like a massive, happy puppy. I’m pretty sure his tail was wagging. I giggle at the memory, picking up my brush and dipping it into the brown paint. If only I could time travel back to that day, when everything wasn’t so broken .
If he asked, I would stay here without a second thought.
But he hasn’t asked.
This place brings my mind and body peace. Reese’s presence is a huge reason for that now that he’s shown me a softer side of himself. We need to clear the air, so I lie in wait at the kitchen table, ready to confront my prey.
I’m ready to grab what I want and fucking take it. Is he?
The squeak of the garage door hinges draws my eyes upward. My mate’s hulking form fills the doorway, eyes wide with surprise. One big foot steps back into the garage, ready to retreat.
“No!” I shout, hopping to a stand, paint brush clattering to the table.
His hand falls from the doorknob at my command.
“No more hiding. We need to talk.” I jab a finger at the chair opposite mine. “Sit.”
Like a kicked puppy, Reese trudges to the table, metaphorical tail tucked between his massive legs. As he takes a seat, I lean back, arms crossed over my chest, and shoot him my best glare. I can do this. Just lay it all on the line.
“Why won’t you knot me?” I ask, hoping he doesn’t notice the tremble in my voice.
Thick muscles in his neck tighten as he swallows. His jaw ticks when he clenches his teeth. Dark eyes lock on me, shimmering with unshed tears. My stomach nearly drops out my butt. No, no, no. This is not good.
“I thought I could, Sydney. But I can’t.”
Sydney, not his angel. A knife plunges into my heart. Is this the end? Before we even had a chance .
“You don’t want me.” Dropping my eyes to the table, I will away the tears that blur my vision.
“Look at me. Please, Sydney.” His voice is quiet, yet commanding, and my stupid body obeys, eyes flicking to his face. “I-I need some time to sort things out.”
“Why? Aren’t I enough for you?”
A choked laugh cracks through the quiet of the kitchen. “Mate, you are everything I’ve dreamed of. You’re fucking perfect. I’m the problem.”
“It’s not you, it’s me. I’ve heard that line before.” I scoff, hugging my arms around my waist.
“Please, Angel. I don’t trust myself. I don’t trust fate. She’s delivered my perfect mate, but I don’t deserve it. I don’t deserve you.”
“You keep saying you don’t deserve me. But why? What are you afraid of, Reese? Why do you keep letting me in, only to slam the door in my face a second later?” Anger burns in my veins like lava. I’m so sick of the push and pull from this man.
“I’m afraid I’ll lose you!” His voice rises, broad chest heaving. “Everything I’ve ever cared about has been stolen from me. My grandmother, my company. Fuck, I nearly killed my best friend. I can’t bear to lose you, too.”
“So, your solution is to, what, push me away?”
His shoulders rise to his ears before dropping back down. “It won’t hurt as bad if we cut ties now.”
Doubt swims in his dark eyes. He doesn’t even believe his own lies. This will hurt like hell no matter when he shatters my heart. I never should have trusted him, never should have let him in .
“Sydney, please. I can’t ask you to sacrifice a normal life for me. You belong in the city where you can be young and carefree, not chained to a recluse, like me.”
“Don’t fucking tell me where I belong!” My voice rises as I lose control of my emotions. My heart beats painfully in my chest, slamming against my ribcage and making me wince. He doesn’t understand. “Don’t you get it? My life is here now. Wren and Kiernan are here. You’re here. My art is here. How do I make you understand? There’s nothing and no one in the city for me. I’ve never been so miserable and alone as I am in my shoe-box apartment and dead-end job. This is where I’m meant to be, Reese. I lo—”
“Please, don’t say it. Not now,” he whispers, a lone tear rolling down his ruggedly handsome face.
Without thinking, I close the distance between us, needing his comfort even as he obliterates my poor heart. Before my hand can connect with his face, Reese springs from his seat, turning away from me.
My body deflates, the realization hitting me like a ton of bricks. Numbness creeps into my fingers and toes.
This is it.
It’s over.
He’s not willing to see reason. Too stuck in the past to see what’s right in front of his fucking face.
“You’re a coward, Reese Moore,” I seethe at his back. “You can’t keep using your past as an excuse to not have a future. You deserve to be happy. I fucking deserve to be happy. If you won’t claim me, then I can’t stay here anymore. Have a nice life, Reese. I hope you can learn to forgive yourself and move on. ”
Swiping my art supplies from the table, I run to my bedroom. Behind the safety of the closed door, I break. Sobs wrack my small body as I collapse to the floor. Tears stream down my face, soaking into the soft cotton of my shirt.
Fuck him!
Mustering an ounce of strength, I throw my suitcase on the bed and pack.
A single sheet of paper flutters to the ground as my angel rushes from the room. Picking it up, I turn it over in my hand as another tear breaks free, landing on the paper.
It’s a watercolor painting of me in bear form. She’s captured every detail perfectly, from the short strands of brown fur to the glistening, black nose. The corners of my muzzle are tipped into a goofy smile. Happiness dances in my deep brown eyes.
“Fuck!” I roar, pounding my fist into the wall until the sheetrock splits, white powder covering my curled hand.
Clutching Sydney’s painting in my hand, I stomp to my workshop. Picking up my latest project, I throw it across the room. It splinters into a million tiny pieces, just like my heart.
I did the right thing. The thought does nothing to soothe the immense pain flooding my system. This pain is only temporary. She’ll go home and move on. I’ll learn to live alone again. Everything will go back to how it was before fate stuck her hand in the cookie jar and fucked it all up.
It’s better this way.
Chest heaving, my eyes scan my workshop. Gardenias everywhere. They seem to be the only thing I can carve since Sydney dropped into my life. I’ll burn it all and start over, shuttering my heart from the world once more.
But doubt claws at the back of my brain, like maybe this is a mistake.
Standing in the middle of my workshop, I don’t know how much time passes, but the sun is now lower in the sky. A car door slams outside, drawing me to the small window in the garage service door.
Sydney’s back is to me as she throws a suitcase in the backseat before slamming the door. Wren and Kiernan stand close by, sadness etched across both their faces.
I suck in a harsh breath when Sydney spins around. Her face is red and blotchy, probably from crying. Her icy hair is lackluster, pulled into a haphazard knot on the top of her head.
I did that. I caused that pain.
“Fuck.” My hand rakes through my hair, tugging at the ends until my scalp stings. As much as I tried not to, I hurt her.
Guilt swarms in my stomach like angry bees. I wish a hole would open up in the ground and put me out of my misery.
Wren pulls her in for a fierce hug, whispering in her ear. After a quick embrace from Kiernan, Sydney climbs into her beat-up car and drives away, taking every broken piece of my heart with her.
At the sight of her leaving, my grizzly roars in pain. My skin tightens as he tries to force a shift, but I squeeze my eyes shut and somehow manage to expel him from my mind… at least for a little while.
He’s not going to let our mate go easily. He’s just as attached, if not more, as I am to Sydney.
I sink to the floor, bracing my back on the wall as my head hangs in shame.
I don’t know how long I sit there, wallowing in my own shame and self-hatred.
“You happy now?” The deep voice hits my ears. My head swings to the right, Kiernan’s booted feet filling my vision.
“No,” I admit.
“You broke that poor girl’s heart. What the fuck, Reese?” The boots land in front of me, but I can’t move. All the strength drained from my huge body.
Extending a hand down to me, Kiernan says, “Come on, man. What happened?”
Reluctantly, I let him pull me to a stand. His whiskey-brown eyes search my face. “I can’t keep her here. She deserves better than me.”
“I thought we talked about this, man. Your past is exactly that… the past. You can’t let this guilt and abandonment rule your life, Reese.” He places a hand on my shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze.
“I’m scared, Kiernan. What if I hurt her, like Joel? ”
“As much as I want to promise you won’t hurt her, I can’t. You just have to trust her and yourself. Fated mates are something magical, Reese. Fate picked Sydney for a reason.”
I mull his words over as he leaves, joining his own fated mate. My heart clenches as I realize I may have made a huge mistake.
T wisting the key from the ignition, I step out of my truck. Since Sydney left, I’ve shut down. It’s been three days and I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, I’m snapping at people left and right. A ferocious growl echoes in my head. My bear is agitated all the time, pushing to get free and run after Sydney.
It’s exhausting using all of my energy to keep him trapped inside me. My skin ripples and tightens as he rushes forward. Gritting my teeth, I push his consciousness down. This is how it has to be, I reprimand. It’s what’s best for her. A howl leaves his muzzle at the mention of our mate.
Slamming my truck door, I dread going into my empty house. The last traces of her rich gardenia scent have faded from each room, leaving them cold and empty.
Nausea bubbles in my gut as I face the front door. I hate being away from her, but she’s right—I’m a coward. Without her, I’ve retreated behind my icy walls, and I don’t know how to chip away at them again.
I hadn’t realized how much Sydney lit up every part of my life until she left. The way her laugh would echo around the kitchen when we’d eat together. The upbeat pop songs she’d blast as she painted or worked in my office. And her moans of ecstasy when I’d force pleasure into her tiny body.
Fuck, I miss all of it.
“Hey, asshole!” The angry voice raises goosebumps on my skin. I’ve been avoiding Wren for the past few days, but I knew I couldn’t dodge her wrath for long.
Peering over my shoulder, I find her stomping up my driveway.
“Yeah, you! You can’t ignore me forever!”
Shit. Coming to a stop in front of me, Wren balls her fists, resting them on her wide hips. She rolls her shoulders back and tips her chin up to glare at me. I’d laugh at the tiny ball of fury if I wasn’t genuinely scared she’ll kick my ass.
“Hi, Wren.”
“Don’t fucking ‘hi, Wren’ me. You broke my little sister’s heart. You’re lucky I haven’t killed you yet, you idiot. Kier forced me to stay away and give you time to come to your senses, but you clearly haven’t.”
Scratching the back of my neck, I avoid her piercing blue eyes, so similar to Sydney’s. “How is she?”
“Really? You son of a—no, breathe, Wren.” She forces out an exhale before sucking in a breath. “How do you think she is? She’s a wreck, Reese. What did you expect when you broke up with her for no reason?” Her tiny fist connects with my shoulder.
“I had a reason,” I mutter, rubbing at my shoulder like her punch actually did any damage .
“Not a good one. Aren’t you miserable without her? You’ve been an absolute bear the last few days. No pun intended. Kier and Ty are ready to move if you don’t figure your shit out.”
I finally meet her gaze. “Did Sydney tell you anything about my past?”
She shakes her head.
“I’ve lost a lot in my life. At one point, I almost killed my best friend.” A shocked gasp falls from her mouth.
“So, do you see why I had to let Sydney go? I can’t get invested with anyone else and have them torn away from me.”
“Oh, Reese.” Her small arms wrap around my waist, hugging me tight. I’ll admit, the human contact feels amazing after the past few days of utter misery. “She’s your fated mate. She’s literally made for you. The only reason she left is because you rejected her. Sydney is willing to give up her whole world for you.”
“But what if I hurt her?”
Pulling back, she raises a single brow, a sarcastic laugh splitting the air. “Hate to break it to you, big guy. But you already hurt her by dumping her.”
“Fuck.” I scrub a hand over my face as Wren steps back, breaking the hug.
“Yeah. Whatever happened in your past is over and done. It’s time to forgive yourself and move on. Reese, you deserve to be happy. You’ve built this amazing community and given happiness to everyone here. It’s your turn now…” She bumps her hip against mine playfully, an easy smile on her lips.
Her smile falters. “At least go talk to her. ”
“What if she doesn’t want to see me?”
“My sister is stubborn, but so are you, Reese Moore. I’m sure you can find a way to make her listen. Go get your mate.” She flashes a wink.
At that moment, something clicks in my brain. Sydney is my forgiveness. She’s what I need in order to move on with my life and be whole. She’s already helped carry the burden of the pack. Meshing with the group and planning game night. Befriending Will and Benny like they’re her brothers. She single-handedly saved my company, becoming the office administrator I needed from the start.
Sydney has shown me I’m doing good things here in Cypress Valley. And that I’m a good person, not the horrible monster I’ve spent the last decade hating. What happened with Joel was truly a horrible, unfortunate accident. With the fog finally lifting, I can see clearly now.
Exhilarated by a burst of new energy, I hop in my truck and wave to Wren as I peel out of the driveway. One way or another, my angel is coming home with me.