Chapter 4
Alice toldLily she had to work the rest of the day remotely after lunch before fleeing the building like it was on fire. The Slack message came as soon as she got to the bus, wrapped sandwiches yet uneaten, but stuffed in her bag.
Caleb Everett
Can we talk?
Then another a few minutes later.
Caleb Everett
Where did you go?
Alice steadies herself for a moment, staring down at her cell phone before typing something out, deleting it twice, then finally hitting send.
Alice Walton
Was feeling sick. Working from home the rest of the day! Send an email if you need something.
There. That should send a clear enough message: she doesn’t want to see him nor talk to him about whatever did, or did not, just transpire. Preferably ever again, but the rest of the day will have to do.
The ellipses indicating he’s typing appear and disappear and Alice pretends not to be watching it like a hawk.
Caleb Everett
Can I see you? I can go to you.
There’s something in her chest that tightens at the message, a giant fist squeezing her sternum, but she shakes herself and gulps down what’s left of the sparkling water. She can’t be humoring this, it’s impossible. They’re impossible. It would be in everyone’s best interest to pretend it never happened.
Everything she’s been doing: the suppressants, removing herself from her family, fighting every instinct, and staying away from all Alphas was to prevent this. Yes, she’s an Omega, but why does that have to mean she’s seen and treated differently than everyone else?
She doesn’t know exactly what she wants yet. It’s sure as hell not working at Labyrinth Solutions under Logan for the rest of her life, but she wants something different than what her mother had—being swept up into a pack so young and raising a million children.
She wants to take her time and fall in love slowly and not have her Omega hormones dictating everything she does or how everyone looks at her.
But, God, a scent match? Scent compatibility is one thing, but a true match is rare, the kind of thing someone doesn’t expect to happen to them or any Omega or Alpha they know in their lifetime.
Alice runs her hands down her face and neck, which is hotter than it should be. She wants to think maybe it’s a fluke, but she can still smell him, his scent lingers on her skin like a curse.
“Shit.” Alice switches to her calendar app and cancels her meetings for the rest of the day, trying not to breathe in the smell that is all around her, on her clothes, in her hair, on her tongue.
It’s forty degrees outside, but as soon as she gets home, she turns off her heater and flings open every window, then lights four candles. Their conflicting artificial smells clash into something horrible, but it will do the trick. Or at least she hopes it will.
No shower is cold enough to cool what she’s feeling, her body is buzzing—there’s dread pooled in her chest. She stands under the icy spray anyway until her teeth are chattering. She tries not to think about dark brown eyes boring right into her and the smell of Christmas.
Wrapped in two towels, trying not to cry, Alice calls the only person who could possibly understand: her sister.
She answers on the second ring, all official, “This is Olivia.”
Alice cries on the spot, her older sister’s voice immediately comforting. “I think I met my scent match,” she says, her voice wobbling.
“Give me five seconds.” There’s muttering through the line like Olivia is talking to someone with the phone pressed to her chest, then what sounds like a door clicking shut. “What did you just say?”
“I think I found my scent match.” Alice’s voice cracks at the last words.
“You think?”
“I know,” Alice confirms. As much as she wishes otherwise, there’s no way what she felt, what she knew without logic, wasn’t real. “I scented this guy and I can’t describe how I know other than I just. . .”
“Are you crying? Why are you crying?”
“Because I–I wasn’t supposed to have one,” Alice whines between little sobs. She’s being dramatic, but she can’t help it. It feels like the world is falling apart around her. “I didn’t choose this. What if I wanted to be single forever?”
“Oh, Al,” Olivia sighs. She’s always shown sympathy and tentative support to Alice’s choice to hide being an Omega—Olivia waited until she was twenty-seven before settling down with an Omega. But as an Alpha, Olivia had the privilege of not needing someone to help her through a heat. She wasn’t a certifiable leach on the people around her, not like Alice who was certain she’d have to be. “You never want to be with someone? Won’t you be lonely?”
“No, you’re right, it’s just that I—” Alice hiccups. “I’m not ready for a relationship. I sort of like my job, but I don’t want to work there forever. I don’t know what I want, or who, and it feels like the decisions are being taken from me! I’m not ready.”
“You may never be fully ready,” Olivia agrees, and it stings more than Alice would like to admit. “How could anyone be? Bonding with someone is incredibly permanent, nearly every part of your life changes. You’ll never be fully prepared for all the ways that things will be different, but the point of having a pack is having someone, or multiple someones, who are there to navigate that with you. And mating with them is your choice. It can’t just be one-sided.”
Alice sniffles and remembers Olivia’s bonding celebration, when she and her mate Johnathan beamed with love and excitement. They aren’t scent matches, but they love each other fiercely. Their relationship is strong because they chose each other and keep choosing each other.
“But a scent match?” Olivia lets out a huge breath. “That’s not something you can just ignore, Al.”
Alice doesn’t deny this while she tries to stop the influx of tears sliding down her cheeks, chin, and neck. Scent matches are the things of fairy tales. Of Alice’s four siblings and parents, not one of them is bonded to a scent match.
“Have you told Mom?”
“No, are you kidding? Please do not tell Mom about this,” Alice pleads. “I haven’t told anyone. I wouldn’t even let him talk to me. I just fled. Literally.”
“You work with him? Please say it’s not your boss.”
“No, oh my God.” Leave it to Olivia to show Alice the one silver lining: her scent match isn’t Logan. “Not my boss. Just the guy who points out every week that I can’t write something without misusing a comma.”
“Him? What’s his name again? Carter?”
“Caleb.” There would be no way to permanently avoid him, not unless Alice quit her job and moved out of the city. But even then, he might still find a way to track her down.
Seems like the type.
“Does he want to be with you?” Olivia asks.
Alice hadn’t considered the possibility that he didn’t want to explore this, whatever this is. But of course, he could feel just as overwhelmed and out of control as she did. She’d always just assumed that all Alphas wanted to settle down if they had the opportunity. Unless he already has. . .
“I don’t even know if he’s single, Olivia, he could have a pack already!”
Homewrecker, homewrecker, homewrecker glides across the imaginary jumbotron in her brain, flashing red.
“Hey, hey, it’s okay,” Olivia soothes. “I know plenty of packs that have added members. It’s rare, but I have a colleague with two Omegas in his.”
The situation increases in potential mess and chaos the more Alice thinks about it. Committing to even one person feels like a leap, much less trying to join an already loving, committed pack when they didn’t ask for her.
She’s never even had a serious boyfriend, just a series of flings and hookups that ended with her being the weak link and getting out first before anyone could get too attached.
“What if I ignore it? It’s not like we’re bonded, it won’t hurt me.”
Olivia is quiet, which is usually a sign that she’s trying to think through a reasonable way to say something Alice won’t want to hear. Alice tenses in preparation.
“I can’t speak to how you’d feel because I’ve never had a scent match. I don’t know what that does to a person.” There’s a huge but coming, Alice can practically taste it. “But have you made a plan for your first heat yet?”
“What does my heat have to do with this?” Alice grumbles.
“Alice!”
“Liv, I know. I’m going to call a clinic. Work is just busy right now, I can’t take a week off out of nowhere.”
Alice drapes her damp towels on the rack and pulls on a loose night dress while she waits for her sister to chastise her, to tell her how reckless she’s being. How she can’t run away from her fate. Not for much longer, and certainly not forever.
Instead, Olivia lets out a long sigh through the line. “I think you should talk to him. Have a conversation. I’m not telling you to bond with the guy, just—what I think you need to do is open your heart a little bit.”
Alice combs curl cream through her hair with her fingers and forces her gaze in the mirror to her face, taking in her puffy cheeks from crying and the dark undereye circles that never seem to lighten. Her skin is almost sallow, she thinks, sickly from the cocktail of medications and pushing herself too hard. But what other choice does she have?
“You’ve always been so independent, and I love that about you, it’s a great thing,” Olivia says. “But I’m afraid you’ll regret not letting anyone in. Alone is no way to live.”
The truth hits its mark and Alice, once again, has to breathe deep through her nose, or else the tears will start back up.
“Alice?”
“Yeah?”
“I love you,” her sister says. Alice wipes away one rogue tear and nods, though Olivia can’t see her.
“I love you too. Thanks for talking.”
Alice hangs up first and shuts her phone off before she can see if any more messages came through on her Slack. It isn’t even four yet, but she decides she’s done for the day. She’ll sleep for as many hours as she can and think about it again in the morning.
This is a problem for tomorrow.