Chapter 7
Chapter seven
Rowleigh
Idon’t know what’s more humiliating. The fact that I feel like I just got stampeded over by a horde of angry squirrels, and some of them dragged their nuts on my face—the edible kind and the not-so-edible kind—or the whole tucking into this sandwich like a ravenous beast with no care for etiquette whatsoever.
It didn’t even matter that by the time she got back here in the drizzle, the brown paper bag was soggy, and the sandwiches were slightly moist.
Yes, moist.
Like the bread sweated.
I don’t care. It’s fucking delicious.
I look up from cramming food into my mouth and swallowing like there’s not going to be a tomorrow.
We’re both still soaked, but the sun is fully out now, and the wind has died down, so it’s only regular cold and not frigid.
It’s slightly uncomfortable and itchy, but hunger triumphs over comfort at the moment.
Also? I’m not sure I can get back on my feet and get my head clear of dancing black spots without nutrition first.
Bellatrix has her face turned to the side.
She’s eating daintily, like a regular human.
I don’t mean for it to happen, but my eyes rake down her body.
Her dress clings to her like a second skin, outlining her curves.
Especially the curves of her breasts, including the hard ridges of her nipples.
Her sweater has slipped off her shoulder, revealing pale, creamy skin and a smattering of goosebumps.
Her legs are stretched out before her, her dress riding up to reveal slim calves and more goosebumps.
She’s sitting on cold cement, soaking wet, because of me.
She turns, and I quickly jerk my eyes back to her face. Guilt swamps me for staring at her and getting us into this mess. I should have just manned up and eaten the damn tacos.
I have zero fancy words for a vagina, but my brain takes a sharp wrong turn, diving straight off the cliff of good and proper and ending straight in smut central.
I get the full show of images from me getting us somewhere warm and stripping off Bellatrix’s sodden clothing to getting her in a hot shower, going down on my knees, and replacing my taco-repulsive reflex with a new love of her lady taco.
Fuck.
Now, her nipples aren’t the only thing that’s hard and probably visible.
Double fuck.
“These are good.” I ram another bite into my mouth. “Weally gwood.”
Her full lips arch up, and a water droplet slides to the end to lodge on the adorable upturn of her nose. “Santastic fanwiches.”
“Was that the name of the place?”
She snorts. “No. I’m pretty shitty at making things up, and I would never be creative enough to come up with one of those combined names that couples do.
I’d totally recommend the sandwich place to anyone though.
The girl who made them was so nice. Such a sweetheart.
Her parents own it, so it’s a mom-and-pop shop, I guess. ”
Sunlight glistens off the river and pours into the gazebo, though the warmth from those rays isn’t direct and doesn’t hit the same.
Bellatrix turns her face to it when she notices me staring out the side.
“My parents were disappointed that I didn’t become a doctor like my mom or a lawyer like my dad.
” She flicks her eyes to my face and grins.
“I know. The two most obvious clichés. Sometimes, I think their marriage is so successful because they’re never home at the same time, so they never get tired of seeing each other.
They’re married to their careers first, and that was always established.
They have a strange relationship, I guess, but they’re in love.
I can tell.” She ducks her head, tracing one of the red cursive letters on the sandwich paper with her index finger.
“I don’t even think they could argue that I’m good at what I do.
Because I’m really good at it. I’ve had some potential disasters, but everything has always come out right in the end. ”
“I never understood why people actually have a wedding planner.”
She shoots me an incredulous look. I empty one of the little plastic containers of pickle slices into my mouth and sigh dramatically, which causes her annoyance to fade slightly.
“It’s a lot of work. It can be stressful and overwhelming. Some people just want to get married without all the hassle,” she tells me.
“They could just hire a JP and sign the papers.”
“They could, but people get spoon-fed this idea of a dream wedding their whole life. It means a lot to someone, even if it’s not the bride and groom.
Sometimes that’s the best part, and sometimes it’s the worst. Bridezillas aren’t the only ones you have to watch for.
” She claws her hands and holds them up by her face, imitating a fire-breathing dragon.
“Sometimes it’s the mother or the mother-in-law. ”
“I cared,” I say before my brain can catch up to the calories I’m giving it. “The first time.”
She softens and drops her hands, blushing slightly, like she was going to roar, too, and can’t believe she almost did it.
“I have a daughter. But then, you already know that.” It’s only logical that if she read up on me, she’d know about Mika. And her age. And my age.
The blush deepens, but there’s no denial. She bobs her head. I don’t know if she’s mortified at looking me up or if she wants to give me privacy, but she focuses entirely on her sandwich.
“We were young. Marlene got pregnant. I was stupidly in love. My parents wanted me to wait and make sure. They told me a baby was no reason to get married, but for me, that wasn’t the reason.
The timing, maybe, but not the reason. I want to say she was in love with me, too, but we were so young.
Maybe she was scared, or maybe she just changed.
We got a divorce a few years later. I was struggling, trying to get my antique shop up and running.
I was doing the online thing, working the store myself, doing all the advertising and online parts, and going out picking.
I was doing it for us, but I think she felt abandoned half the time.
It wasn’t going to be like that forever, but we didn’t survive until that part. ”
Bellatrix picks off a little of the top bun and chews slowly. “I’m sorry.”
The crazy thing is, when she says it, it doesn’t sound all wrong or inadequate or like lip service. Those words cut through me. I clear my throat, and my next words are a little bit husky. “Then, I found this vase a few months later. The vase.”
“I read that it was worth millions.”
“Yes, it was. When it sold at auction, I invested the money, which then made more money. My parents wanted me to buy real estate, so I did,” I tell her.
“Hotels…because they’re generally a safe bet.”
I nod. “Yes.”
“They’re prestigious.”
“At first, it wasn’t. But then, later, I guess it turned into that.”
Thankfully, she doesn’t ask me to elaborate. I don’t want to talk about hotels. I’ve never wanted to talk about them.
She asked me, why hotels? I suppose I just gave her the most truthful answer.
Because they were safe at a time when I was looking for safety.
I needed that. But I haven’t learned how to stop leaning on it.
They became my everything to make up for what I’d lost. I’m still trying to fill the void by getting bigger, better, more. Always more.
Always more on the outside, always less on the inside.
I know that. I know no amount of safety is ever going to change the past. Sabotaging my future won’t change what has already happened.
So why can’t I stop?
“The divorce was already settled, but the custody schedule wasn’t.
Marlene was incredibly bitter over the fact that she’d put in so much time and effort into me, she’d sacrificed so much, and then I made it big when she wouldn’t get a payout.
I offered to buy her a house and get her a new car.
All for Mika, my daughter, of course, although it was for her too.
I hadn’t stopped loving her, not really.
But she didn’t want that. She wanted to make me pay.
It wasn’t logical. It was mean. It was bitter.
She got full custody of Mika, and I threw myself into work.
It was a lose-lose situation for me. Because I was working so much, she told me our daughter didn’t need an absentee father.
That it would only confuse her. Then, she started asking me for things, and I gave her what she wanted.
Mika had the best of everything, which I’m glad.
But it was at the expense of our relationship. ”
Bellatrix won’t look up. She doesn’t say anything. I just dropped my life history at her feet, but toneless, bleeding the emotion out of it. What could anyone say to that?
“I could have done things differently,” I continue.
“I didn’t want to hurt my daughter by going through messy custody battles and bantering between lawyers around her.
I didn’t want her to hear her parents constantly fighting or have her mother poison her against me, though I’m sure plenty of that was done.
I know I should have fought harder. But I was scared.
I was scared of doing it all wrong and really, really messing Mika up. ”
One finger goes back to tracing the red writing. “Is she okay?” Bellatrix’s voice is so soft that I barely hear her.
“Yeah. I…she’s okay. She shocked the hell out of me by setting up our first-ever coffee date and telling me flat out that I could not go through with this wedding.”
“But you are.”
Have three words ever hit so hard? It’s like the storm has blown back in here with all its vengeance, pelting me with hail. My stomach clenches, and even though I’m no longer hungry, I’m going to force myself to finish that sandwich so Bellatrix doesn’t worry.
“We talked, and she understood. She said if I was going to do it, I had to do it right, and she recommended a place her friend used to plan her wedding. Your place.”