Chapter 8
Chapter eight
Bellatrix
Adebriefing call with Mika the next day is inevitable. She calls me on her lunch break. I can take mine anytime since my days are often spent out of the office, and I have flexible hours.
Two seconds after she says hi, she immediately gets right down to it. “When are you seeing him again?”
I squeeze my eyes shut, trying not to get my stomach all aflutter again. It’s been that way since my phone dinged late last night, giving me access to calendar sharing.
Rowleigh either doesn’t give a shit about his privacy, or he trusts me.
I know he gives a shit.
His Sunday happened to be free, but only because he probably doesn’t schedule anything on purpose so he can spend the day catching up. I work every day of the week, even when I’m not scheduled, and I can’t imagine it’s any different for him.
“Sunday afternoon.”
“Ahh, that’s only a few days!” Mika sucks in an excited breath that sounds like a vortex right in my ear. “Yes, queen! Slay, slay, slay.”
“I don’t know if I slayed the first time. It was a bit of a disaster.”
I’m sitting on a bench outside a huge red barn twenty minutes from Providence.
The place opened up a few weeks ago for bookings, but I would never recommend anything to my clients without checking it out first. It comes complete with a campground and golf course attached.
It’s got the perfect country feel, not more than twenty minutes from the city.
“Girl, you ate on that first date,” Mika insists.
I dig the toe of my patent leather shiny black boots into the gravel before I quickly realize that gravel and shine are a bad mix. “I did. The most delicious sandwich. And it wasn’t a date.”
“It was totally a date.”
“Aren’t you supposed to be against popular jargon?
” I shade my eyes and look over at the golf course.
Since it just opened, the place is packed.
There are golf carts driving all over the green and people pulling their clubs along.
I keep a close watch so I can duck if anyone lobs a ball over here, though it would be in the wrong direction.
“I thought the point of counterculture was to not use the most obnoxious language,” I sass.
“I can’t help it. I’ve been gaming too hard lately. When I’m on there, it’s all I hear.”
I love my books, and Mika loves gaming. We’re just two nerds at heart. I think that’s what makes our friendship work so well.
“Fair enough, but it’s not a date. There’s no seduction involved except for the seduction of life.”
“Come again?”
I’d like to come again. Or at all. On Rowleigh’s fingers, tongue, and cock.
Oh my god, get yourself under control.
I’m in a public place right now, and my face is probably redder than the huge barn at my back.
“I’ve been trying to come up with things that make him feel alive.
I thought if he could do those things, it would bring him back to life and prove that he can still feel and does still want to feel.
And that getting into an arranged marriage that does exactly the opposite and just…
just stopping everything makes no sense. ”
“Ahh. Well, date number two should definitely be seduction then. Kissing and touching makes everyone feel alive.”
“Sigh.”
“It’s not a sigh if you have to say it.” Mika’s laughter rolls over the phone.
It’s slightly windy with good cloud cover, so I’m not roasting out here, but Mika is probably getting a whole lot of wind in her ear.
“I went about it all wrong. I messed up the first time because it was about what makes me feel alive. Even if I had planned tacos, and a freak rainstorm hadn’t trapped us in a gazebo and drenched us to the skin, it still wouldn’t have accomplished what I wanted it to because I didn’t think about what would give him the most joy in life. ”
“That sounds like the most romantic first date ever.”
“Not a date,” I grouse.
In the distance, someone swings, and another guy down on the green yelps and dodges aside, then yells profusely about opening eyes and licking buttholes.
It’s followed by a burst of good-natured laughter from everyone, so at least no one is going to start taking off anyone’s face by throwing clubs around.
“Fine. The most romantic not-a-date ever. And by the way, he hates tacos. I could have told you that.”
“Better to have learned the hard way than not learned at all?”
“So what’s on the agenda for Sunday?” Mika pries.
“Taking the word agenda out of his schedule and going back to his roots. I thought, what’s something he loves that he hasn’t done in a very long time?”
“Getting laid?”
“Mika! Noooooooo. Think older.”
“My dad is way old. At least older than you.”
“Mika!” I say exasperatedly.
“You like geezers. I know you’re afraid to do anything that will make your parents get all up in your face and your business, which is why your condo is so bland and you date guys that are super boring, capitalize the word boring.
But remember that party we went to years ago?
You had a few beers and confessed to me that you think older guys are hot.
Specifically, it was our film professor. And I concur. He was super hot.”
I start breathing all over the place, sucking in air loudly to try to encourage my lungs to come back to the ship after they try to jump.
“Relax. Age gaps are hot. Everyone is all about the zaddies now,” Mika adds.
The most unfortunate part of that statement is that it’s true. I don’t know about the zaddies thing, but age gaps are hot. Rowleigh is hot. He’s inconveniently and almost horribly attractive.
I desperately need to change the subject. Unfortunately, that means circling back around to the very reason for this conversation. “Anyway, I want to find a place where we can go picking.”
“Picking? Antique picking?”
“Yes! I got my car back this morning.” It was the alternator that went bad and not the transmission after all.
It’s hard to believe one part could cause so many problems. It cooked my battery and some of the belts, so those had to be replaced too.
It wasn’t cheap, but at least the shop got the work done somewhat quickly.
“I’m out at this super cool barn right now, checking it over as a potential venue.
Technically, I’m done already. I’m just sitting out here because it’s beautiful and I have an apple to eat before I go venturing down a few different back roads out here. ”
“That sounds like a really good way to get abducted or shot.”
My stomach pinches and sours so badly that I’m glad I haven’t started eating anything yet. “I thought so too. I’ll be careful.”
“Avoid the yards that have posted trespassing signs.”
It’s hard not to smile at that. Mika is so like my mom sometimes, but unlike my mom, she doesn’t mean to imply that I don’t have enough brain cells to figure that out. Mika just worries about me because she loves me. Period.
“I’ll be careful,” I reiterate.
“Jumbo rats? Mouse armies? Gotta watch out for anything and everything. If you find a place, go prepared. Proper shoes and safety equipment are a must. Those places are Hantavirus waiting to happen.”
“I’ll make sure we have masks, safety glasses, sturdy shoes, and water. I…do you think it’s something your dad would like to do, or would it be triggering for him?”
“Triggering?”
“Something from his past that he used to do, and now he doesn’t.”
My hand clutches the phone a little tighter. Those guys in the furthest group on the green are the loudest. They’re laughing again, and I definitely just heard the word balls. Not in relation to golf either.
“He doesn’t do it anymore because he doesn’t have time.
” Mika sounds so sure. “He’s busy running an empire.
He could just sit back since he’s already so rich, but it’s the only thing that gives his life any meaning.
If he quit that, he wouldn’t know what to do with himself.
I think he’d like to change it up. So, no, it’s not triggering. I’d say more like nostalgic.”
“Hmm.”
“Hmm,” she echoes, then laughs. “Did he say anything about me?” She cleverly sneaks that in there like she doesn’t care, but I know just how much she does.
“He said that…”
I’m torn between being real with my best friend and protecting Rowleigh’s vulnerability. He’s a grown man, and he doesn’t need me to shield him from the world, but he told me those things in confidence, in such a way that pretty much screamed he doesn’t do that with just anyone.
“Yes?” Mika’s not even trying to hide her curiosity. That yes is practically a shove off a ledge.
I can’t lie to her and say that Rowleigh didn’t say anything. I don’t think it’s betraying him by being honest. I know Mika is in a place in her life where she’s open to adult feelings and examining what she thought were truths from her childhood.
You see things differently as you age.
You see your parents differently. You realize they’re just older versions of yourself. Flawed. Messed up. They don’t have it together any more than anyone else. They’re not infallible.
“He said he wished he would have done things differently with you. That he would have tried harder to be in your life if he knew it wouldn’t mess you up.
It was so obvious that he wanted to get to know you far better than he did.
I know you both are practically on an estranged level, and that causes him real pain.
He knows he’s to blame. He thinks you’re wonderful and that you’re a great person, but he misses all those years that he can’t go back and do over. ”
Mika was never bitter the way her mom obviously is. She was impervious to Marlene’s poisons, even as a kid.
She gulps noisily and covers it with a wet-sounding laugh that is a dead giveaway to the fact that she’s crying. “If he told you that, then he’s definitely falling for you already. He’s notoriously closed off. You’re both a match that way.”