Chapter 10 #3
Walking when you can’t see anything but blobby blobs is a hazard.
I’ve learned that the saying, watch where you’re going, should be taken seriously.
All of a sudden, my shoe catches on something hard, and I pitch forward.
I whisper scream, but before it has time to escalate, strong arms close around me.
One of my palms lands on a muscled shoulder, and the other plants against a slightly damp, solid wall that feels like it could be a pec.
“Ahh.” The scream unspools into nothing as his hands fall to my waist, setting me back on my feet and supporting me to make sure I stay there. “I swear I didn’t do that on purpose.”
I can’t see his face properly. At this point, I should probably start rubbing my eyes again to try and coax my contacts forth. They’re gone. They have to be, or they would have crept their way back by now. They’re designed like that. That’s real science.
His hands are still on my waist, and I tilt my face up. “I…you…this is…terrifying.”
He just gives a blurry nod and mumbles, “Yeah.”
“The wrongness of this is terrifying because it doesn’t feel so wrong.
Well, it is, and the world would certainly say it is.
We’d be labeled kinky and perverts and clichés, but I’ve been garbage at best when it comes to caring about what people say.
I want to do less of that.” And more of you. I very much want to do more of you.
I angle into him, finding his chin with a questing hand, and then I close my eyes and roll them in their sockets. I know it’s weird, but I hope it’s also effective.
I stop thinking about that when his hand mirrors mine, tilting my face up. He steps closer, angling his body against mine. We’re not pressed together. It’s only our hands that are touching, but it’s enough to wash away the world and everything in it.
I want him.
I want this man who is a sweetheart and has a sweet heart.
I want his body. I want his laughter. I want his smiles, his kisses, his self-discovery, his running through the rain, his hating on tacos, and his rapture when I play for him.
I want the very few things I know and all the things I have yet to discover. A whole lot of things.
I want his body too. His hands. His mouth.
“I need to tell you something,” I rasp right as he angles closer and brushes his lips over mine.
Hesitant. Tentative. An invitation.
I lose my mind, curl my hands around his broad shoulders, tracing them up to a neck more muscular than any neck has a right to be, and slam myself up against him with enough force to wind myself.
I accept his invitation with all of me and one-up him with an invitation right back in the form of my hips bumping against his groin.
He’s instantly hard, his erection jammed up against his jeans and my stomach. It’s a beast, but right now, my lady bits are in full-on werewolf mode themselves.
Rowleigh doesn’t kiss me like a beast. He kisses me perfectly and slowly, taking his time and savoring my mouth like I’m a fine, rare delicacy.
I appreciate his care and attention. It’s hot as heck.
But I want to devour him the way I would have devoured those life-changing tacos.
And I’d like him to change his stance on tacos so he can devour mine.
Now I get why he’s going slow.
I get why he’s threading his fingers through my hair and tipping my head back and why he makes those little husky groans of pleasure as he strokes my lips with his tongue before delving deeper. But he never loses himself.
He’s in control because he remembers where we are.
We’re in a barn.
In someone else’s barn.
It hasn’t always been my dream to get ravished up against a crowded, dirty barn wall, but as of the last five minutes, it has been elevated to bucket list territory.
I don’t really care where we are. My nerves are on fire.
My nipples are nippling, and my pussy is…
aching. I want this man. I need this man.
More than just lust, I like him. His care and kindness have been a sucker punch to my heart right from the start.
It shouldn’t be so easy to be me with him, but it is.
Maybe it’s that way because the only other person on earth that I can truly be myself with is Mika.
And Rowleigh is a part of Mika. She’s a part of him.
Good. Freaking. Goodness. No.
I tear away, stumbling back. My eyes tear open, and oh. Oh, goodness. One contact has made its way back into place, while the other is still MIA. It could be in the dirt, or it could be making its way into my brain.
No, I don’t really think that’s a thing.
But I’m not one hundred percent certain.
Sometimes, you just don’t want to be that medical miracle.
“I…I need to…tell you something.” My lips are buzzing, but not nearly as hard as the rest of me. I’m going into full neon sign mode here in this barn, burning hot enough to light the whole place up.
Old cedar and hot substances probably don’t mix.
Rowleigh tries to take a step toward me. His face is entirely cautious and full of concern. I can see how much he cares, but there’s guilt there too.
I shake my head so hard that the MIA contact gives up its status and comes out of hiding. It swims into place, and though it’s uncomfortable, it’s there.
Oomph. Now that my vision is twenty-twenty again, seeing all the emotion is a kick right in the feels. I want to hug him to make it better, even as I’m about to hurt him and wreck his trust in me.
It’s bad timing, I know, but I can’t let this turn into something else.
Not until he knows the truth.
“I…you’re going to be so mad.” I suck in a wavering breath, trying to stop my voice from hitching at the end, but it doesn’t work.
My eyes get hot, and crying a second time after all the dirt and losing my contacts is not a good mix.
Plus, I shouldn’t be the one crying. I’m not the jerkus who schemed this whole thing into being.
But I am playing along. Well, reluctantly, but I am still a part of deceiving a man who has been shockingly open with me.
He stands with his feet apart, his arms crossed, already shutting me out with his wary expression. “You can tell me. I won’t be mad. I’ve had years of cultivating patience.”
Here goes nothing. “I…I know Mika. We’re best friends.
” I’m the one who needs to catch my breath after dropping that.
He just waits, hiding whatever it is he’s feeling while not being closed off either.
I don’t know how that’s possible. It’s a special talent he has.
“Meeting you the first time was an accident. I didn’t know who you were.
When she told me her dad was getting married, and it was going to be an arranged deal, she showed me the article, and there was the photo of you.
Different, but it was you all the same. I freaked out, and right away, I confessed to her what happened.
I apologized and swore up and down that I didn’t know and would never have done anything with you, but she thought it was great. ”
His face blanks.
Pales.
He stumbles backward.
He looks worse than he did in the gazebo, but when I take two steps forward, he falters back, putting his hands up in a please don’t come hither sign.
I stop, my voice getting husky and raw with emotion that I’m barely containing.
“She wanted me to seduce you so you could see that life and love were real, but I thought it would only lead to lust and pain. She just…anyway, the plan was terrible. I didn’t agree to the seduction.
In my head, this was only ever supposed to be about you finding your joy again.
She doesn’t want you to get married and be miserable and alone forever.
She knows you were hurt the first time, but she loves you.
She wants to know you. She’d never known how to do it, and now it was just all desperation.
She wanted to save you so badly that we cooked this up. ”
“So this was…” He motions between us, fanning his hand back and forth over and over. A big cloud of dust stirs up.
“No! No! I was against the seduction thing. Truly. Mika did want me to try and ruin your wedding by sabotage, but we couldn’t figure out how to do that, given that you don’t give a snake’s anus scales about it.
Ruining your wedding would only ensure that I wreck my career and not much more.
It would have been pointless.” I bite my lip, but my eyes never waver from his face.
He deserves eye contact. That’s what you give people when you apologize and when you offer them the truth.
“I’m not brave, Rowleigh,” I continue. “I’m not even brave enough to make over my condo or get a cat, even though I’ve wanted one forever.
Mika is the only person on earth who sees the real me.
She loves me for me. I don’t even know if I love me for me.
I’ve wanted to be strong. Bolder. But I…
I…I’m not. It was ridiculous to think I could show you what it means to be alive when I don’t even know what it feels like.
” I rub my cheeks with the back of my hand, collecting the stubborn tears that insist on leaking out.
“And now I feel as dumb as if I’d just danced in place and sang the song that literally just says banana over and over again. ”
All the oxygen in this barn literally just gets sucked right out. It’s so quiet and still in here that if there were pigeons in the rafters and one of them shat, and it was perfectly muffled by the earthly ground, we’d still hear it.
Maybe that’s a bad example.
Also, apparently, you’re supposed to be able to tell if snakes are poisonous or not by checking out their bum scales. That wasn’t just a random reference. Once in a while, when doom scrolling late at night, you learn something.