Chapter Twenty-Three #2
Alec looks at me. He takes off his glasses and cleans them on his coat, a habit I noticed when I first came to work here. I found it endearing then. I find it unbearable now because everything about this man is decent, and I’m about to hurt him.
“That’s not why you’re ending this,” he says.
“Alec—”
He holds up his hand, and I let him speak, because he deserves to say his piece. “He threw you out of your own house on a rumor. He didn’t ask you a single question. He had a lawyer build a custody case against you and looked you in the face every day but didn’t mention it.”
He knows all that because I told him via our emails and texts. I never called him to cry on his shoulder or get his support because I needed him to get me through. I didn’t need him the way I should. “I know what he did.”
“None of that erases what he did. Moving to Asheville doesn’t erase it. Pretending he’s listening to your boundaries now doesn’t fix anything.”
I look at him again, maintaining eye contact. “I know.”
“When he’s frightened, this is what he does.
He reaches for control. He builds weapons.
He protects himself at your expense. You told me that yourself.
” Alec puts on his glasses again. His voice is steady.
He isn’t performing outrage or jealousy.
He’s doing what he does professionally, presenting the evidence, clearly, without sentimentality, and letting the patient make the decision.
“He hasn’t been frightened yet, Casey. Not really.
Not how he’ll be when something goes wrong again.
What happens the next time he’s scared?”
I don’t rush to offer an answer because I don’t have one.
It’s the question I’ve been asking myself for six weeks, every time Sterling says okay without pushing, every time he walks away without arguing, and every time I watch him drive away from Sienna’s appointment without looking back at me, I wonder what he’ll do if or when he gets a “no” he won’t accept.
Alec deserves an answer. He deserves a real one, not a deflection or a platitude about personal growth.
He’s asking because he cares and he’s right that the pattern is real.
He sat across from me at dinner for six weeks before Charlotte and made me laugh for the first time in three years.
I owe him the courtesy of taking his question seriously.
What happens the next time Sterling is scared?
“He had a petition drafted and ready. He could have filed it any day of the months we were in Charlotte. Every one of those days, he was afraid I’d take Sienna and leave. He never filed it.”
He nods once, as though conceding a point. “That’s restraint. Restraint isn’t change.”
“He destroyed it before I asked him to. He went to Martin and signed the authorization to destroy the weapon he’d already had prepared against me, all while he was still afraid.”
Alec is quiet.
“He was frightened the whole time, Alec. He was frightened when he was in control, and he still let go of the one thing that gave him power over the situation.” I stop and take a breath.
“I don’t have proof he won’t do it again.
I don’t have a guarantee. What I have is a man who was scared and powerful at the same time and chose to put the power down.
That’s the most anyone gets. I’m choosing it. ”
Alec looks at me for a long time. He takes me seriously. He’s always taken me seriously, which is why this hurts, and is why I owe him the truth instead of a comfortable excuse about emotional availability.
“Sienna deserves both her parents.” There’s no doubting his sincerity. “If you choose him, make sure you’re choosing the man he’s now. Not the one you married.”
“I truly believe he’s changed. I’m not getting back together with him. I’m just recognizing you deserve so much better than to be mired in my limbo.”
He blinks, startled, but he clearly believes me. I’m being truthful. After a moment, he asks, “Are you staying on as the nurse case manager?”
I shake my head. “I’m going to spend some time with Sienna now that I don’t have the pressure of being the sole breadwinner.
” That much is true. Sterling sends a monthly check, far more generous than he’d probably be required to.
There’s no agreement in place, and I accept it because it’s for Sienna, and because I’m genuinely tired after four years of pushing to my limits.
It also offers me a gracious way out of working alongside the man across from me. That would be awkward for both of us.
Alec sighs but stands, nodding. “I’ve been expecting that.
Hollie in HR has an ad ready to post, but I’d hoped we wouldn’t need it.
” He walks me to the door. He doesn’t hug me, because Alec has always understood boundaries better than anyone I’ve dated, including the man I married. “Take care of yourself, Casey.”
“You too.” I hesitate. “You’re going to find the right woman for you, and she’s going to be incredibly lucky.”
He smiles and blinks for a moment before nodding. “Thank you.”
We say our goodbyes, and I walk through the waiting room. The receptionist smiles at me again. I should stop and tell her I’m not coming back, because she’s always been kind and friendly, but I don’t have another goodbye in me today.
I push through the glass door into the parking lot and sit in my car with the engine off.
The afternoon is warm. The lot is half-full.
I reach under my shirt to pull the out chain.
The ring sits in my palm, warm from my skin.
I’ve worn it hidden for four years under scrubs, under sweaters, under every conversation, argument, hospital visit, and sleepless night.
I don’t put it back under my shirt.
I leave it out. I wrap the chain around my wrist twice so the ring sits against my pulse, visible, where anyone could see it. Where Sterling could see it, if he were here.
He’s not here. He’s thirteen minutes away, in a rented house with a laptop and a child’s bed that’s never been slept in.
I start the car.