After moving to a new desk…
After moving to a new desk, nothing actually changes in my relationship with Jan.
Well, except maybe that he now speaks to me not twice, but three times a day.
In one e-mail, in response to a calculation table I spent a whole week working on, he even wrote, “Good job.” After the period there was a colon, followed by a closed parenthesis—that is, a smiley face!
Who puts an emoji after a period? JAN.
Okay, I may have exaggerated with the kiss and heart, but knowing Jan, he probably didn’t even catch that it was a heart emoji and wondered why the heck D was less than three.
We don’t mention either the phone call, in which Arti tried to seduce him, or the nudes I sent him, or my notice which he tore up in front of me the same day he caught me in his office.
Weeks pass, and day after day an eager and dutiful ‘corpo-rat’, I work bravely at my desk, hammering away on overtime, drinking coffee in the lounge, and smoking cigarettes on my breaks, which happen more and more often.
My life after work is practically limited to refinishing furniture.
Because, first of all, my relationship with Karol ended the moment I realized that he cared more about playing Call of Duty than about me.
Secondly, as it turned out, with the selling of the wing armchair, I gained a regular customer, and in the last few months I have sold him all the furniture I managed to get for next to nothing and transformed into real beauties.
TS has bought from me an early communist-era commode with yellow ornaments, a Louis-style dressing table, a baroque footstool and an art deco standing lamp.
I suspect the guy is a wacko and his house resembles a pawn shop.
But let him decorate it in his own way. Since he buys and pays, I wholeheartedly support his ‘kitsch’ eclecticism.
Especially since thanks to him—in addition to a boost of cash—I gained the gratitude of my friend.
And that’s because one evening, when Tadeo was picking up the dresser, Nina dropped by for an unannounced visit.
She saw Tadeo, he saw her, and they were both struck by cupid’s arrow.
Seriously, they fell in love at first sight.
I would never have predicted this in my life.
They are total opposites, they come from completely different worlds: she an anesthesiologist who makes the bucks, emotional and hyperactive; he an ex-convict, barely making ends meet, an ocean of calm.
Well, except maybe for the moment when he almost killed that dude who hurt his sister.
But the bastard got what was coming to him, didn’t he?
Too bad Tadeo didn’t cut his dick off. I demand castration for rapists!
Nina is head over heels in love. Love to the death. Tosia too is also head over heels in love with her baby son. She gave birth and flipped out. There are times when she babbles like crazy.
“Look at this lovely poop my little boy did today. Marvelous scrambled eggs.”
Christ, I’ll never touch scrambled eggs again.
“Sure.”
“And did you know that he smiled at me three times today? He is such a cheerful child,” she says at a time when the young family scion is piercing my eardrums with his shrieks.
“Sure.”
Gosh, he shouldn’t tense up so much, or he’ll pop a vein in his head.
“Don’t look at him like that. He’s just hungry.” Tosia admonishes me reproachfully as if she thinks I might kill her firstborn with my gaze. “I’ll feed him, and you go for a smoke in the garden.” She takes the little one in her arms and that’s when I notice two big wet spots over her nipples.
What is it?
“Tosia, your boobs…”
She looks down.
“The breast pads got soaked. This is nothing.”
“Nothing? You look like you’re bleeding plasma. Is that normal?”
“Yup. Especially when I think about breastfeeding.”
“Jeez, I thought pregnancy was a total failure, but this…” I shake my head, staring at her breasts, which have gone from a B cup to a D in the last two months. Another reason never to have children. “I’m going for a smoke.”
“Just put something on. It looks to me like it’s going to snow,” she says, and the youngster is already reaching for her cleavage, tugging at her blouse.
“And to me, it looks like your clothes will get shredded in no time, unless your boobs explode first.”