Chapter 32
CELINE
Isit on the bed, knees to my chest, trying not to devolve into panic. My mind is an evil slideshow of all the things that could be happening to my brother and my man.
My man.
The phrase fits snugly into my mind, sparkling there like it belongs, like the very idea of it not belonging doesn’t even make sense.
Sitting still for longer than a few minutes is impossible. I stand, pace, wringing my hands so much my fingers begin to hurt. It’s a strange feeling being numb to the core and also so panicked I think I might have an attack: a sick mixture that has no place interfering with Christmas.
Well, this is going to be the most insane Christmas, no matter what happens. I just hope I don’t lose everything.
When a knock comes from the safe room door, a jolt of anxiety punches through me. I remember what Damian said. Don’t open the door for anyone except him.
“Celine,” he says, his voice husky.
I rush to the door, grip the handle. For a brief moment, I think about the fact that this could be a trick. It’s possible mafia men are aiming guns at him right now, forcing him to lure me out.
The thought doesn’t last long, because I know he’d never risk my life like that. I know he’d rather die than do that… because whatever else is true about us, we have a connection. Maybe it wasn’t love at first sight, and it might not fit snugly inside a fairy tale.
But we have something raw and real, something worth fighting for.
I unlock the thick metal door and pull it open. Damian presses against it from the other side, then rushes into the room, my tall Beast of a man. He looks like he’s washed, but maybe only with a towel because there are flecks of blood still clinging to his hands. He’s wearing a baggy T-shirt.
“Where’s Julian?” I ask, though every atom in me screams to rush into his embrace, to wrap my arms around—say it, think it—my man and disappear into him.
“Safe,” Damian says softly. “He took a bullet to the forearm. A flesh wound, but he needs patching up.”
Damian sweeps me into his arms, his solid hold crushing me against him. I claw at his chest as his lips find mine. The little sister in me aches with guilt for kissing my brother’s best friend before tending to his wound, but Damian’s lips eclipse everything.
When he leans away, a soft smile is on his lips–a smile that would’ve seemed impossible when I first naively walked up to his ramshackle house. “I’d do it all again just to get to you.”
I cling to the back of his neck, his solid muscles twitching with our closeness. “We should go. Julian needs me.”
He nods, then takes my hand, holding me tightly. I squeeze him even tighter as we walk through the house. Julian sits at the kitchen table, holding a rag to his arm. Sweat beads all over his brow, but when he sees me and Damian holding hands, he smiles.
I let go of Damian and rush to my brother, feeling like I’m in a dream. Is he seriously smiling?
“Nurse Celine is on duty,” I say, a sob making my voice crack. I throw myself at him, careful to avoid his arm, clinging to him. “Oh, Julian. Are you okay?”
He buries his face in my neck. “I’m sorry I lied all this time.”
I laugh, half in disbelief and half in relief he’s still here. “You’re not the only one who lied.”
“I’m sorry, Celine,” he says seriously.
“Hush,” I whisper. “Let me get the first-aid kit. We’ll get you patched right up.”
Later, we sit around a crackling fireplace, heat spreading through the room, droplets of sleety snow sliding down the glass of the windows.
I’m in a big armchair with Damian’s arms wrapped around me, and Julian lies on the couch, breathing gently.
He drifted off soon after lying down… but not before he saw Damian and me together, not before he gave a slight nod as though offering his blessing.
I sink as deeply into Damian’s embrace as I can possibly get.
“What happens now?” I ask.
“I’ll become the Don of the Family,” he grunts, not sounding too happy about it.
“You don’t want that?”
“No. But it’s either that or let another lowlife like Salvatore take over.
I’ll become Don, then I’ll work from the inside to dismantle every fucked-up thing the so-called Family does.
I’ll wreck the mob from the inside without them even knowing they’re being wrecked.
When all that’s left are legitimate businesses, when they can’t hurt anyone else, I’ll leave. ”
“How long will that take?”
He sighs heavily. “Years, most likely.” His hand glides casually up and down my thigh, but he’s careful not to go too low, not to stray too close to my sex.
I know he can feel the need in me, burning like the fire in the grate just by being close to him. But though he’s a Beast, he’s not going to touch me with my brother so close.
“You’re doing the right thing,” I say. “It’s hard, but I know you can do it.”
“If it means I can stop this from happening again, I’ve got no choice.”
“What about…” I swallow, almost don’t say it. “Us?”
He stiffens against me. “I want you, Celine. I want you more than I knew a scarred, messed-up bastard like me could want anyone. But—”
He doesn’t have to finish.
The but is across the room from us, sleeping fitfully, a bandage on his arm.
We don’t say anything for a long time. I let my head rest on Damian’s chest and listen to the heavy, steady thump of his heartbeat. He gently strokes his hand through my hair, sometimes leaning down to plant a soft kiss on the top of my head.
“Will those women and girls be safe now?” I finally ask.
“A full FBI investigation has been opened. As Don, I’ll be working with the Feds … in secret. I’ll have their backing from the shadows. Already, the victims are being reunited with their families.”
“Thank God,” I say.
“You have yourself to thank. It was reckless, Snowflake, rushing in there like that. But it forced us to act.”
“I had to do something. I thought if I could help, then we could be together. That’s all I cared about.”
He wraps both arms around me, hugging me to his chest.
Julian wakes, yawning, still smiling as he looks across the room at us. He glances at the snowy window and then back at us. “Shall we watch a Christmas movie?” he says.
“The three of us?” I ask.
He nods, eyes glimmering, and I know this is it, a moment of real approval.
“I’m not going to stand in your way,” he says.
“I can’t. I refuse to. When I look at you both, I see something real.
And yeah, it was a shock. But there’s nothing like a life-or-death fight to make a man see what’s important. ”
He sits up, still smiling, as surreal happiness flows through me.
“I don’t want you to say something you don’t mean,” I whisper.
He shakes his head. “I mean it. From the bottom of my heart. I guess Christmas miracles do exist.”
“Okay, now you’ve got me worried,” I say, sobbing and laughing at the same time. “I’m supposed to be the one who says sickly Christmas stuff like that, not you. Are you sure you’re not concussed?”
“For the first time in years, I’m seeing things clearly. I thought I was trapped in the mob, forced to work with them, to be one of them. But I see things differently now. You showed me that, Damian. We can be better. We should be better.”
“I agree,” he says passionately.
“So…” Julian leans forward. “What movie are we watching?”
“Wait a second.” I disentangle myself from Damian and stand up. “I don’t want to ruin this, but I need to know, Julian, does this mean—” I cut myself off, unable to force the words out.
“Does this mean I’m going to give you two a chance?” Julian finishes for me. “I thought I made that clear.”
“But no resentment, no secretly hating us, no changing your mind?”
Julian stands, takes my hands. When he looks down at me, I see the older brother I knew when I was just a little girl, always so neat, always so in control. His eyes are still glimmering, but a tear hasn’t fallen yet.
“Whatever path you two decide to go down, I’m going to be here for you… for both of you.”
I throw myself into his arms. He catches me as a sob escapes from me, making soft circular motions on my back with his hands.
“Thank you,” I whisper.
“We’ve got a problem,” Damian says.
I turn, panic pounding through me. But then I see the twitch at the edge of his mouth. “I don’t have WiFi here, and I haven’t got any Christmas movies.”
“Wait a second,” Julian says, chuckling. “Remember that job three years back? This is the same safe house we used, right?”
Damian’s eyes widen. “Yeah, it is.”
“And you were too grumpy to play it with me.”
“What are you two talking about?”
Julian winks. “You’re going to love this. Wait here.”
He lets me go and rushes down the hallway. Damian sweeps me into his arms, stealing a kiss. Our lips crash together, hot and searing need making my body throb all over.
“I can’t believe this is happening,” I murmur.
“Does that mean you want to take things further?” he asks huskily.
“Do you even have to ask me that?” I reply.
His hand presses against the small of my back, pushing us closer together, letting me feel him… all of him. “I feel like a damn kid saying this, but Celine, I’ve got a very important question to ask you. Before you answer, just know this will be the best Christmas gift I could possibly receive.”
For a moment, I think he’s hinting at a proposal.
That would be way too fast.
I want him, need him even, but we’re grownups and this is the real world. We have to be realistic.
He brushes his lips across my cheek, warm breath shivering over my ear. “Will you do me the honor of being my girlfriend?”
I laugh as delight bubbles up inside me. “That would be a hell to the yes!”
He laughs, spinning me around into another kiss.
Julian returns, an ear-to-ear smile on his face despite the bandage on his arm. I rub my eyes to make sure I’m seeing correctly.
He’s holding the Christmas edition of Monopoly in his hands. His eyes are as bright as baubles. “Ready to lose, suckers?”
“Oh, it’s on,” I say, turning to the coffee table to clear it.
“Ho ho ho,” Damian says, chuckling.