Chapter 25
TWENTY-FIVE
Zachary
I've been sitting in this exact position for two hours, arms crossed so tight my shoulders ache, staring at the same blank patch of wall I'll probably be seeing in my dreams.
If I ever sleep again. If I can ever get the image of Alexia all dressed up, ready to go out with another fucking guy.
The ache in my chest is making it hard to breathe let alone sleep. And it’s taking everything in me to stay rooted to this spot and not drive to Highwater to make it clear to her, to Craig and everyone within earshot that Alexia belongs to me, and only me.
But I don’t even need to go to Highwater to be fighting with another man for her. I barely have to look a foot to my left.
I’m not alone here.
Marcus is on his phone, mindlessly scrolling. Rhys has paperwork spread across the coffee table, but he's been staring at the same page for as long as I've been staring at the wall, pen gripped in his hand, not moving.
None of us has said a word since she left.
Until now.
"I want to talk about Alexia," I say, looking directly at Marcus. "Specifically you and Alexia."
He doesn't stop scrolling. "And I want to talk about you and Alexia."
"Fine." I sit forward, elbows on my knees. "What do you want to know?"
"Everything."
"We kissed," I say simply. "You?"
"I'm not done," he snaps. "When did you kiss?" He's still not looking at me, but at least his thumb has stopped.
"Monday night," I tell him. "We'd been having late-night chats when I came home from the bar."
"Nothing before that?"
I hesitate then decide I want to tell them. If we're doing this, might as well do it properly. "We almost kissed once. At Leon's birthday, before she moved to Sydney. He interrupted before anything happened. That's it. That's everything. Your turn."
He sighs, puts his phone down, slides to the edge of the couch. "We slept together. The night of my demo house reveal. But I guess you know that."
I did but that doesn’t stop the way that my heart now feels like it’s been split apart into its four chambers and will never get put back together.
I should’ve come home that night after we kissed.
How could I have been so stupid? Maybe she’d be with me now, instead of having slept with my best friend and now doing who fucking knows what with that douchebag.
Marcus takes a deep breath and keeps going, "What you don't know is, we kissed at a party before she went to Sydney."
I wait for more, but he stops there. There's something else he doesn't want to share. I don't push.
"Okay. And now? What do you want? Now that you've slept with her." The words come out harsher than I mean them to.
His eyes narrow. "What's that supposed to mean? I want to be with her! You think now that we've had sex I'm done?"
I don't say anything, but I don't deny it either. Or maybe I’m just hoping for that. That now he’s gotten her out of his system, I can have her, wholly and fully. But who am I kidding, who would ever give her up if they could have her?
"That's bullshit, if that's what you think. I wouldn't do that!" he says, his voice thick with offense.
I scoff, letting my own frustration at myself seep into my anger at him. "That's rich, coming from you. Forgive me if I'm having trouble believing you suddenly want a relationship. It's a little out of character."
"Is it? You mean out of character like you coming home straight from the bar every night?
" Marcus challenges. "Or should I say, you were doing that, until you kissed her.
Then you started disappearing for days on end.
You're asking what I want, but I don't hear you saying what you want. At least I’m willing to fight for her!”
"I want her!" I shout. “I will fight for her.”
It's his turn to scoff. "You've had six years to say something and you haven't. Now that you know she and I have something, suddenly you're all about sharing your feelings?"
"You should know all about not saying anything. I didn't see you declaring your feelings for her." Something ugly niggles in my chest. "Maybe you're the one who came forward because it was obvious something was happening with her and me.”
"I didn't come forward. She came to me first!" Now it's his turn to look smug. "I didn't tell her to come to the demo house. She came of her own volition, because she knew it meant something to me. She cares about me. And I care about her."
And as much as that hurts to hear, it also makes me take a step back. Marcus deserves to feel cared about. I mean, I care about him. I just wish it were anyone but her. She's mine. Or is she?
"If she cares so much about you then why's she out right now with that dweeb from her department?" I say what we're all thinking.
"Because I..." He stops. Starts again. "Because I wasn't..." He doesn't finish, and for a second he looks lost. “Look, let me ask you something. If Leon wasn't in the picture at all, would you pursue her?"
"You know I would. I would have years ago. And I know you would’ve too. I was telling the truth when I told her that she had to know that one of us would throw everything away for her eventually.”
He nods. "Now put the Leon factor back. If you had a real chance with her, but knowing how he'd feel. Knowing it would ruin your friendship. What would you do?"
"I..." The certainty goes, all at once, like someone's pulled a plug behind my ribs. "Fuck."
"Exactly." He says it quietly, like it's a revelation to him too. "Now you know how I got to where I am. Wanting something so much you can't breathe from the want. But knowing you might lose one of the people you love most in the world."
I can't say anything, because it's the same reason I'm where I am.
We both turn to Rhys.
"What about you?" Marcus says.
"What about me?" Rhys replies. It's the first thing he's said in hours.
"You've got nothing to say?" I ask.
"I don't know what you're talking about." He doesn't look up from the page. "I'm just here to stop you two killing each other."
"Yeah, right." I lean forward. "What. About. Alexia?"
He says nothing. Doesn't move. The only sign he heard me at all is his hand gripping the pen tighter.
"Fucking hell, you're even worse than us," I say. I mean it as an accusation, but it comes out almost like sympathy. "At least we can say it out loud. At least we've admitted what we feel to each other. You've barely managed a full sentence since she moved back into this house."
He doesn't answer. He doesn't need to. It's all there in the set of his shoulders, the muscle ticking along his jaw.
Marcus tries once more. "Come on, mate. It's us. We can work it out together."
Nothing.
"Fine," I say. "Forget him. What are we actually going to do? About each other. About Leon. About any of it."
"I don't know." Marcus tugs at the side of his head. "I genuinely don't know, Zach. I don't think any of us ever have. We've been skirting the Alexia problem for years. Even before she left." True. "I don't have a better plan. Do you?"
I'm mulling over an answer — something, anything — when my phone rings.
I almost don't answer, but the screen says Hunter, and something in the pit of my stomach tells me to pick up.
"Hey, man, what's goin—"
I don't get to finish. Whatever he says next comes fast, garbled, and I'm on my feet before I've processed it.
"What?" I shout back. Across the room, Marcus's head snaps up at my tone, and Rhys finally looks up.
Hunter repeats it, slower, and this time I understand every word.
"We'll be right there," I say, phone still at my ear, turning to my housemates. "We have to go. There's been an attack." My voice doesn't sound like mine. "At The Woodyard."
Marcus is up off the couch instantly. "Anyone hurt?"
Rhys is already on his feet too, papers sliding off his knees, forgotten, and for one second I can't make myself say it, like not saying it might keep it from being true.
"Yes.” I almost throw up. “Alexia."