Chapter 35
THIRTY-FIVE
Alexia
“Just you, to start,” the nurse who's come to take me back to see Leon says. Her eyes go past me, all three of them already half out of their chairs, faces hopeful. She sighs. “Fine, one more. But only for a few minutes.”
Zachary is first by my side, his hand at my back, steady.
She explains his current condition as we walk. And ends with, “He'll look worse than he is. Everyone does. But the tubes are keeping him alive. Try not to let it get you.”
That's easier said than done.
He's so still. Leon is the most restless sleeper ever, I've never once seen him just lie still doing nothing, not even in his sleep.
I'd give anything to see him being annoying right now.
Anything but the tube down his throat. Brace around his ribs.
An IV line taped into the back of the hand that would relentlessly poke me whenever we were in the back seat of the station wagon, that ruffled my hair so hard on my first day of high school I cried, that held mine outside a funeral home ten years ago on the worst day of my life and didn't let go.
I don't remember walking over to him. I'm just there, and my fingers find the sleeve of his gown and start pulling at it. Little tugs. Over and over.
He doesn't move.
I knew he wouldn't. I'm still disappointed.
“Hey.” My voice comes out so quiet, I have to clear my throat to try again.
“Hey. It's me. If you die, I'm going to kill you.
And if you live, you're going to make me hear the stupid 'a kangaroo tried to kill me' story again every single day for the rest of our lives, aren't you.
It'll be bigger every time, too, I'll bet.” A breath.
“I love you. You know that? I don't say it enough.
I'm saying it now so it's on record. So when you wake up you can't tell me I never said it. I even have a witness. Zacha—”
That's when my voice goes. Zachary steps up next to me by the bed.
“Hey, man, what's up? Looking... well, you've looked better.
But that's not really saying much, hey?” Easy, like it's just any other day.
I envy him. But I know it's not how he's really feeling.
“Bold move, stealing Rhys's whole broody-and-silent thing.
He's not going to love the competition.” Something under the joke cracks and gives way to emotion.
He has to swallow before going on. “Nothing's the same without you.
Wake up, alright? Or else you know what kinda place Marcus is going to pick if he's in charge of location scouting.”
The nurse comes back and gives us a kind smile. “Let him rest now.”
I don't want to let go of the sleeve. I make myself do it anyway.
I last four minutes when I'm back in the waiting room.
“Lex.” Zachary's already reaching for me. “Sit.”
“I need to know what equipment we'll need, when we bring him home.” Phone out, notes app open, I start reeling off everything I can think of.
“Hospital bed, shower chair. Someone said something about a home nursing service, I need that number, I need to know what his private insurance will cover, not that it matters—”
“Alexia,” Rhys says. “We have plenty of time to sort it out.”
“No,” I say, not looking at him. “The sooner I start, the better. Then he can have the best.”
“He will. We'll sort it,” Marcus says. “All of us. You don't have to do it all yourself tonight.”
“I do, though.” Out before I can stop it. “I have to.”
Nobody argues with that.
“You should call your mum,” Zachary says, breaking the quiet.
My thumbs stop and I sink back into the seat. “I know.”
“Do you really though? Can't you wait?” Marcus asks.
I shake my head. “No. We'd made a pact. When Dad got sick, he hid it. For almost a year. If he'd just told us earlier... maybe... Anyway, Mum, Leon and I made a promise. No hiding things.” I try to shake the guilt. “She deserves to know her son is hurt. And he deserves for his mum to know.”
Marcus reaches for my hand. I let him hold it for exactly as long as it takes me to stand up and dial her number, and then I'm walking alone towards the corridor with the phone already ringing at my ear.
When Leon's a full day out of surgery, Aria finds me on the phone with the home care nurse coordinator. She puts a coffee in my free hand and squeezes my shoulder.
“You look like you haven't slept,” she says when I hang up.
“I've slept. Whole minutes.”
She gives me the gift of a little laugh and then, even better, my space.
Betty turns up twenty minutes later with a paper bag of muffins and eyes uncharacteristically swollen.
“Okay, so, I need your stupid brother to survive this,” she announces, “purely selfishly, because I have not yet told him I have a crush on him and it would be extremely rude of him to die before I get the chance.” She bumps her shoulder into mine, and I actually laugh.
Betty and Leon? I'm not sure the world could survive it.
“While the girls are here, we're gonna head back to the house for a quick change of clothes,” Marcus says, crouching in front of my chair. “And we'll grab some things for you.”
“I can go,” Betty offers.
“No, you two stay,” I say, looking at my new friends. “I'd, um, rather you stayed. If you don't mind, please.”
I look down at the ground so I don't have to see them all share a look.
“We'll be an hour, tops,” Marcus says to Aria, almost whispering. “Call if anything changes.”
I nod, even though he's not talking to me, and I mean to say something back, but there isn't anything to say.
So I just wave and then they're gone.