Chapter 42 #2
Marcus and I just stare at him. Rhys doesn't look up from his hands.
“You're telling me you spent the night with my sister,” Leon says, voice like acid, “and then you left without saying anything.”
“Yes.”
Forget punching Marcus.
“I think I'm actually about to kill you,” I say, and I mean it more than I've meant almost anything.
“You'll be six years too late.” Rhys's voice doesn't waver, but his knuckles have gone white where they're gripping his own knees. “I've spent every single day since that morning regretting it. Punishing myself for it.”
Leon's jaw works as he processes what we've told him, me, then Marcus, then Rhys, and when he speaks again his voice has cracked wide open.
“What the fuck did you three do to her.” It's not a question.
“She was nineteen. She was sweet, and naive, and so obviously in love with all three of you it would've taken a blind man not to see it.
And I thought you were better than that.
I thought if nothing else you'd have enough loyalty to me not to take advantage of someone like her.”
Marcus's face is pained as he gets up, walking over to Leon. “Man, you need to understand...”
“What I understand,” Leon cuts across him, “is that all three of you let her believe you wanted her. Let her believe it meant something. And then you ripped it away in the worst possible way. With no explanation, leaving her broken.”
“It was the only way I knew how to deal with it,” Marcus says. “Deal with our feelings.”
“Really? You couldn't have just sat her down and talked to her like a rational adult?
Told her you'd made a mistake, that it couldn't go further?” Leon's laugh has no humour in it.
“Oh my god. That's why she left Adelaide!
You broke her so badly she left her home.
I never understood it, how my shy, sweet sister just picked up and moved somewhere she didn't know a single soul, no support system, nothing. She always said it was for her degree. I actually believed her.” He looks like the floor's just opened under him. “She was running from you. All of you.”
For a second he just looks gutted, ruined, staring at the three of us like he's trying to reconcile fifteen years of friendship with what he's just heard, and failing.
“Look,” Rhys says, finally. “I know there's not much worse than what I did to her.
But I think you understand, even if you don't want to, why it never went further than it did, for six years.
Why none of us pursued anything more with her.
It's because of you, Leon. Out of that loyalty to you.
We've been best friends for over fifteen years.
You're family. And even back then, even now, there's only one thing I've ever been more scared of than losing her.”
“And what's that?” Leon says, his voice dangerous, warning.
“I think you know.” Rhys holds his eyes, doesn't flinch.
“I think you've always known. You know her, and you know us, better than anyone alive.
That's exactly why you made such a big deal about what would happen if any of us crossed that line. You already knew this was inevitable. You were just hoping you were wrong.”
Leon doesn't say anything to that.
“We've made mistakes. With you. And with her, even more so.” I've never heard Marcus so serious. “But the simple truth is this is real, Leon. What we all feel for her is real.”
“Are you some sort of union now?” Something bitter twists into Leon's voice.
“Speaking as a bloc? Because last I checked you were three separate people, not a bargaining committee.
Or is that what this is — negotiations? Figured it'd go over better if you presented a united front about how you hurt my sister and lied to me about it for six years?”
“We're three individual people with three unique relationships with Alexia.” I struggle to keep my voice level, a challenge these days whenever I'm talking about her. “The one thing we've got in common is how much we care about her. And it's not going away, whatever you decide to do with that.”
He holds my eyes like he's waiting to see if I'm going to break and show him something else. But this is it. This is my truth.
“And your feelings for me. As your best friend. Have those gone away?” he asks, his voice small, jagged.
And for the first time, I realise what this is really about. And my heart is broken all over again.
“Never!” Marcus practically shouts.
“Lee, that's never been true, and it never will be,” I say.
“But it must have occurred to you.” Leon's voice is even quieter now. “That this could change things. That if I found out, it could be the end of us. All of it. Fifteen years, gone.”
Nobody answers.
“At some point,” he says, “all three of you decided that was a loss you were willing to risk.”
Still nobody says anything, because when it comes down to it, he's right. Whether we're willing to admit it or not.
“So.” Leon looks at each of us in turn. “If it came down to choosing. Between me and her. What would it be.”
And there it is. Why we're all here. We knew it was coming to this, no matter how much we were hoping it wouldn't.
“Are you asking just to know,” Rhys says, “or are you asking us to actually decide, right now?”
Leon doesn't back down. “Does it make a difference?”
“Yes. It makes a difference to me,” I tell him.
“Me too,” Marcus says.
“So?” Rhys, to Leon. “Which is it?”
It's amazing how the tables can turn in a matter of seconds. Now we're all holding our breath to hear his answer.
“What's your answer?” Leon fires it straight back.
Rhys is quiet for a second, and when he answers, his voice is strong, confident, like he believes every word.
“My answer is this. She would never have made us choose.
Never. In fact, the thing she wanted least in all of this, other than you getting hurt, was making us choose, putting us in a position where we'd lose either of you.
Because she knew how much you meant to us, how much we'd lose without you in our lives.
So, in the end, she made the decision for us, she left, thinking losing her was the smaller loss — thought we'd get over it, because if she stepped back, none of us would ever have to lose you.” He looks at Leon steadily.
“You're the reason we ever met her in the first place.
And you're my brother, my friend. But now you're also the reason all three of us have lost the best thing that's ever happened to any of us.”
Leon doesn't say anything.
“You know I love you.” I have to say it before I lose the nerve.
“I couldn't love you more if we actually shared blood.
I would never want to hurt you, Leon. But it just so happens that the person who makes me feel more seen, more understood than anyone else on this earth also shares your last name.
If I could change that, I would. But I can't let her go. I've tried.”
My hands are shaking. I press them flat against my thighs and hope nobody notices.
Marcus doesn't say anything for a second, just stares down at his hands, and when he starts talking, his voice has gone soft.
“You remember how we actually met? Year Three.
You decked that kid who kept nicking my lunch.
Got two weeks' detention for it. Didn't even hesitate.” He laughs, short and a bit wrecked.
“I knew that day you were going to matter more to me than almost anyone outside my own family for the rest of my life.
You're the brother I picked.” He scrubs a hand over his face, and when he looks up there's nothing easy left in it.
“I'd never want to give that up. But she's my family too now.
And she needs me exactly as much as I need her.
I can't walk away from either of you. And I won't.”
Leon sits with our confessions for what feels like a lifetime, looking at the three of us in turn.
“Well,” he says finally. “I guess that settles it.”