5 | Aurelia stop!
"Aurelia?" I hear someone call out my name, but it's distant.
"Can you hear me?" The voice calls out to me a second time, but I don't know who they are.
My eyes are shut as everything is pitch black, but I slowly begin to feel my heavy body, and I start to feel the soft material of the bed along with the pillow below my head.
I laid on the bed with a blanket draped over my body, hoping that the voices which were calling out for me would go away, all I wanted to do was to rest.
"Eli?" A familiar voice called out my name, but this one was different from the others.
I slowly open my eyes and see the white ceiling of my new bedroom. My eyes hurt from the sun shining in, and it takes time before I can adjust my sight to the room's natural light.
But I hated the sensations I felt after passing out. The cold sweat trailing from my forehead, or the nauseousness which made me want to throw up.
As I laid in bed for a few moments, I had completely forgotten about Ciara's wedding to Luciano and the fight between my parents, which made me pass out from the sudden shock and anxiety.
But the memories from my father's outburst and the truth which had been hidden passed through my mind.
I immediately sat up, but ended up falling back onto the bed because I was drowsy and exhausted.
A few people came rushing towards me, as one of them was my older brother, Chase.
He was holding a water bottle in his hand, and he placed the bottle on my lips as I drank the water slowly, feeling myself getting somewhat better.
After I finished drinking, the famiglia doctor checked upon me, as the doctor wasn't just anyone, he was Luciano Costa's doctor.
The doctor examined me carefully like his life was on the line because Luciano was also in the room. He was standing at the end of the bed, in his jet-black tuxedo, as his dark hair was slicked back.
His piercing gaze was on the doctor who checked upon me, and his eyes held nothing but bitterness.
"How are you feeling?" The doctor asked after examining me by taking my temperature and blood pressure.
I feel like a train has run over me dozens of times.
But the words didn't come out, I felt like they got stuck in my throat.
I opened my mouth, willing the words to come. I wanted to explain how I was feeling, that I was drowsy and tired, my eyes feeling heavy as well as my body.
But as soon as I tried to mutter a word, it was like a wall slammed down, blocking any sound from escaping my lips.
My throat tensed, and I felt tears of frustration welling up in my eyes because I wanted to tell the doctor how I felt.
The silence in the room grew heavy, like a heavy weight was placed on my shoulders, as I tried to make out a sound, but I could not.
My eyes darted around the room, searching for something, anything, that could help me break free from this invisible cage around my throat.
The doctor waited for me to speak, giving me all the time I needed, the same was with my older brother and Luciano who were patiently waiting for me to say something.
But the more I tried, the more my mind replayed the scene between my parents, along with the horrors I had lived through because of a lie my mother had made up to survive.
My mouth moved silently, forming the words that never came.
I clenched my fists in my lap, nails digging into my palms, the pain a cruel reminder of my helplessness.
For fuck's sake, the doctor had treated men in far worse condition than mine. As I felt embarrassed and ashamed that a twenty-year-old woman could not speak.
"Why isn't she saying anything?" Chase questioned out of concern.
"Can you speak, Ms. Nash?" The doctor asked me, his voice professional, holding no judgement.
I shook my head, while placing a hand around my throat, but not a single word came out.
"Are her vocal cords damaged?" Luciano spoke up for the first time, his voice thick and firm.
"No, her vocal cords seem to be in a good condition. She must be able to speak on her own." The doctor explained, deep in thought.
"What is wrong with her?" Chase laid a comforting hand on my shoulder, but he had his attention on the doctor.
"I have seen it in many men after a traumatic experience. They either stop talking or can't talk." The doctor says, but he seems unsure.
"This is not my field of expertise... a psychologist would know better because physically she's in a good condition after the tests we ran, but she has low blood pressure which we need to keep an eye on." He explains to Chase and Luciano.
Luciano takes out a phone from his suit as he makes a call to his consigliere. "Bring in the best psychologist in New York City, and bring them to the third room on the second floor."
All of us could hear from the consigliere was a distressed voice. "But your wedding is in ten minutes, Luciano-"
"Try to postpone the wedding." Luciano ordered the other man before he ended the call.
I leaned my head against the soft headboard, wanting to disappear forever since I could no longer speak because after I had found out why I was hated all my life, I couldn't take it anymore.
A few moments passed, as Luciano and Chase went to a corner of the room to talk in private, like they didn't want me to hear what they were speaking about.
Finally, the door opens as the best psychologist in New York steps inside the room. He's an average man in his late forties, and somebody I had seen on the news a few times.
The psychologist exchanges a few words with Chase and Luciano, probably explaining my situation to the doctor, about the fact that I lost my voice or the fact that my own mother had lied to my dad for the past twenty years.
How could she do this to her own daughter?
She knew how much I was suffering, she knew about my self-harm, she knew how lonely I was all my life, and yet, she did nothing.
I glanced at Chase and Luciano from across the room, my thoughts running wild, did this mean I would never speak again? Would this mean that I'm the useless daughter once again?
Did this mean that nobody could ever love me?
Without thinking, I grabbed a small mirror from my dresser, my hands shaking violently that it almost slipped from my grasp.
I looked back at the young woman who was now a stranger, a girl with hollow eyes and a broken soul.
I put away the small mirror as my eyes fell on a pair of scissors lying on the nightstand, and without thinking, I picked them up.
The cold metal felt strangely comforting in my hand, like it grounded my frantic thoughts.
Maybe if I hurt myself, the physical pain would drown out the pain?
Hurting myself is nothing new to me, it is my confidant and my shadow.
I stared at the scissors in my hand, should I really do this? Should I really harm myself?
But then my mother's words echoed through my mind, the words she had used to defend herself against my father.
I felt how my cheeks grew damp from the tears that couldn't help but fall from my eyes.
I raised the scissors to my neck, as they were sharp enough to create a deep wound which would lead me to my death.
I closed my eyes, ready to end my life because I did not matter to anyone in this world, people would always abandon me.
"Aurelia!" Chase shouted my name, as he rushed towards me.
He grabbed my arm, trying to get the scissors away from me, but I held onto them like my life depended on it, I couldn't let go of the only thing which could save me from my own misery.
"Aurelia! Please let go of them," he pleaded, his voice breaking. "Don't do this. I'm here. I'm right here... I won't go anywhere."
Tears streamed down my face, but I couldn't respond, since I couldn't speak any longer, even if I had so many things I wanted to say.
My words were trapped, like a painful lump in my throat.
I struggled against my older brother, the need to take my own life still overwhelming, but Chase held on, refusing to let me go.
Let go, please, let go of me.
Please, live your lives like you have always done, like I was dead.
"Aurelia, I'm here for you, I won't let you go through this alone..."
"Aurelia, please hand me the scissors." Luciano approached slowly, his movements calm and reassuring.
"I know you're hurting right now, and I can't imagine how hard this is for you... But hurting yourself is not the answer," he said in a gentle voice.
I glanced at the man I had loved for the past five years, and I hated that he saw this side of me, this unstable and weak side of me, which made me sob harder.
My older sister, Ciara, would never react like this, she isn't mentally unstable, and she has never harmed herself or tried taking her own life, she's perfect for somebody like Luciano.
At that moment, Chase managed to take a hold of the scissors from my hand, and his action startled me, because if I couldn't drown out the pain, how would I live?
I jumped up from my bed, falling on the floor due to my weak state.
I noticed that I didn't wear the red dress, instead I wore my white pair of pajamas which reminded me of the hospital clothes I used to wear whenever I had stayed inside the psychiatric hospital.
I used to love wearing my white pair of pajamas which was a shirt and comfortable pants, but at this moment, those clothes reminded me how different I was from my older sister, Ciara.
I got up on my feet, determined to get away from everything, so I ran out of my bedroom.
"Aurelia, wait!" My older brother shouted, but I didn't stop.
My legs carried me down the hallway, my vision blurred with tears as I was a wreck, somebody who could never fit into the Nash family.
"Stop her from going to the first floor!" Luciano's voice echoed in the hallway as he had barked orders to the guards.
Of course, he wanted to stop me from going to the first floor where all the guests were gathered, I looked like I was a patient who had escaped from a mental hospital.
I felt dizzy from running through the long hallway of the second floor, my head spinning, but I didn't care.
I ran and ran, my laughter and sobs combined in a heartbreaking sound. The sound was hysterical, a mix of pain and madness that echoed through the empty hallway.
Chase and Luciano were close behind, their footsteps pounding on the floor.
"Aurelia, stop!" Luciano called out, his voice strained with panic.
I reached the large window by the end of the hall, my hands fiddling with the knob until I opened the window, the summer air hitting me like a wave.
I glanced behind me, Luciano and Chase were not far away from me, yet they were too far to stop me, too late to stop me.
But I also saw a door open as my father stepped outside the hall, at the sight of me he wore a haunted expression mixed with guilt.
I kept eye contact with my father, who seemed to be frozen from the mere sight of me, the wreck of me, which he had created by neglecting and abusing me.
I smiled one last time as I mouthed these words to my father, who had never loved me for the past twenty years,