Chapter 4
“OH, HE JUST WROTE HIS FUCKING DEATH CERTIFICATE.”
Chevelle
I’m getting ready for Mandi and Noah’s wedding, take two, collecting my dress, my makeup bag, and everything I need to get ready when the doorbell rings.
Their original wedding didn’t happen because Mandi called it off, but they’ve since worked out all their shit and are more excited than ever to be husband and wife.
I jog down the steps and open the front door, expecting it to be Nikki because she probably thinks I’m going to be late and feels like she needs to pick me up to keep me on schedule.
But standing on the other side of the door is a man in a suit and holding a bouquet of flowers in front of his face. I can tell that it’s Derek.
I haven’t seen or talked to him in a few weeks.
When I don’t say anything, he lowers the flowers away from his face and smiles brightly. I open my mouth to tell him to go away, but he holds up a hand. “Give me a chance to apologize?”
I close my mouth and wait for his words, but they aren’t going to make much of a difference to me. I made the right call when I broke things off with him.
“I’m sorry I acted like an asshole. There’s no excuse for me saying those things or acting like that to you.
I’ve been stressed with the job on the boat.
The guys are all being dicks to me. Then you have this whole big life here with all these people who love you and I don’t have anyone.
My parents sure as shit don’t care about me.
They don’t even know where I am. I guess I was anxious for things to work out with you because I want someone on my side. ”
“You said I was a cocktease. How does feeling lonely account for you doing that?”
He looks at his feet, shaking his head. “I was mad because I felt judged by your sister and her fiancé, so I lashed out and said mean things to make you hurt the way I was. But I promise it’ll never happen again. Just give me another chance. Please, Chevelle.”
I look at him, really look at him, to see if he’s sincere and I think maybe he is.
My head says to tell him to leave, but my heart feels that tug as it always does when someone is asking to be forgiven.
I mean, everyone deserves a second chance, right?
No one is perfect. I know better than anyone what it’s like to make a mistake.
My family doesn’t know I broke off whatever we had because any time they inquired about him, I just said he was out at sea. If they knew we split so soon, they’d probably chalk it up to me picking a loser again.
“I’m so sorry. Please forgive me.” He drops to his knees with a small smirk because he can probably feel me softening.
“Get up, Derek.”
He stands and he’s about to step into the house when I place my hand on his chest. “I have to go to the inn to get ready.” I run my hand down my face, hoping I’m not going to regret this decision. “We can start off by you coming to the wedding with me.”
“I was hoping you’d say that. I heard your sister’s wedding was moved to today. That’s why I came prepared and dressed in a suit.”
“I’m not saying everything is okay, but we’ll go to the wedding and then we’ll figure it out from there. Deal?”
He nods a bunch of times. “More than fair. And I’m going to treat you like a fucking queen. You’ll never wanna let me go.”
I give him a small smile. “I hope so. Can you drive me over to the inn?”
He steps out of my way and puts out his hand. “Your chariot awaits.”
I grab my stuff and lock the front door then walk to his car and put everything in the back seat. He shuts my door and I put on my seat belt. I watch him walk in front of the car to his side and his smile is so wide. He looks so happy.
I can’t imagine living with no family. No one on your side to care about you even when you screw up.
I mean, my family still loves me even though it’s my fault my mom is dead.
What could Derek have done for them to disown him like that?
But I don’t want to broach that conversation today when we’re trying to repair things between us.
After he pulls out of the driveway and starts down the road, he holds out his hand to me. I slide my palm into his and our fingers lock. His thumb runs along my forefinger.
“Thank you,” he says with such an earnest expression that I no longer question my decision to give him a second chance. “I have to go to work after the ceremony, but I’ll be back in a couple of days. Maybe we could go on a date?”
I smile at him. “I’d like that.”
He tightens his hand around mine. “Good.”
We arrive at the inn, and I give him a peck on the cheek before climbing out of his car and gathering my things.
“Can’t wait to see you all dolled up,” he says.
I don’t bother to tell him that the senior citizens from the retirement home made our dresses and to temper his expectations. Rather, I say, “I’ll be interested to hear what you think.”
We smile at one another, a spring of hope running through my heart. Maybe I was too quick to judge him. He has some unresolved issues in his life. Who doesn’t?
By the time I reach the room upstairs where everyone is getting ready, I’m the only one still in street clothes and not in their dress.
“Finally! Do you not have a clock?” Nikki says as soon as I walk into the room.
“I’m, like, five minutes late.”
Marla, my stepmom, comes up and runs her hands down my hair. “Don’t worry about it. You’re here. I saw a young man drop you off.”
Marla’s a great stepmom. She’s always been there for me, and even though I’m not her blood, she still senses when something is off with me.
“Yeah, it was Derek.”
She smiles as if that spring of hope is running through her heart too. Everyone wants me to find my happily ever after, it seems.
“Every relationship starts somewhere.” She kisses my cheek. “Now, go get dressed and ready. We’re walking down in ten.”
“Ten minutes?” I screech and start to strip off my clothes. “But I’m on time.”
Marla helps me get in my dress, and I’m pushed into the makeup chair while Posey fiddles with my hair, putting it up with a bottle of hairspray and a box of bobby pins.
Before I know it, someone hands me a bouquet of flowers and I’m walking down the stairs of the inn toward the back patio area where the ceremony is taking place.
Last I knew, it was a small gathering of just family and closest friends.
Since our family probably takes up the entire space, it’s a good thing Noah has such a small family.
I’m the first one down the aisle because although we don’t refer to each other as stepsiblings very often, it is the truth that Posey and Nikki are Mandi’s biological sisters.
I’m completely fine with it though. Sometimes I wonder if my parents would’ve tried for more if my mom hadn’t died. Maybe I would’ve had my own sister.
I smell cigarette smoke the minute I step onto the patio and catch Derek flicking the butt of his cigarette onto the pathway that runs along the shore of the bay below.
I suppress an eye roll over the fact that he couldn’t properly dispose of his cigarette butt or better yet, wait until after the ceremony to smoke. He scrambles to his seat.
Smacking on a smile, I hold my bouquet and walk down the aisle. After so many family weddings, I’m a pro at this.
Everyone watches me, and I smile at Derek, who doesn’t smile back.
Lord, he’s so moody. What could have happened between him dropping me off and now that soured his mood so much?
Maybe this won’t work out between us. His moods swing like a pendulum and they’re always unpredictable.
I feel as though I never know what I’m going to get with him.
I look to the groom’s side as a distraction, but obviously our side has had to take up space on his side.
Cam is there. He’s dressed in a dark suit and has my nephew Axel in his lap.
Axel is fast asleep, sucking on his pacifier.
Cam winks at me as though we’re not usually butting heads, and my stomach does this weird whooshing thing, like waves reaching the shore.
God, he looks good with a baby. Too good. It could give a girl like me, who’s had a crush on him forever, ideas.
I strip my eyes away before my ovaries explode and walk to the end of the aisle, turn left, and wait for the others. Posey and Nikki both make their way down, and soon Mandi is standing at the end of the aisle with my dad on her arm.
The turbulent relationship my stepsiblings have with their dad makes me even more grateful for the one parent I still have.
I can’t imagine my mom disappointing me like their dad does all the time.
I’m the one who disappointed her when I went out onto that frozen lake.
Those are feelings that even my therapist couldn’t help me with.
My dad kisses Mandi’s cheek and goes to sit next to Marla, leaving Mandi with Noah. They’re a good-looking couple. They fit well together in personality and appearance.
We all listen to them say their vows and exchange rings.
Posey tears up, and I hear some sniffles in the audience.
I look to see which one of my sisters-in-law it is, but make the mistake of locking eyes with Cam.
As Mandi slips the ring on Noah’s finger and promises to love him until death do they part, I’m locked in his gaze.
It’s as if he knows how much those words affect me.
How my parents said those vows probably thinking whoever died first would be gray and elderly.
Maybe that would’ve been true if they’d stopped at four kids.
But because of me, my mom died in her thirties, with five kids to raise.
Cam’s soft expression somehow eases the pain piercing my heart.
I’ve learned to live with these feelings that come over me at moments I wish they wouldn’t.
Usually I smile and pretend I’m not affected, only to lock myself in the bathroom for a few minutes, cry, and get over it.
But I don’t feel like crying right now. I feel like taking comfort in Cam’s arms.
What the hell am I thinking?
The officiant announces them as husband and wife and they walk down the aisle, pulling me from my unwelcome thoughts.
We all file down the aisle and everyone heads toward the dining room. Derek meets me and we converse a little, but it feels forced. Any of the ease we had a short time ago is gone. He announces that it’s time for him to leave and I decide to walk him to his car to say goodbye.
Mandi spots us on our way out. “Where are you going?”
“I’m just saying goodbye to Derek. He has to get to work,” I say.
“Not sure who plans a wedding during the week,” Derek grumbles.
My stomach falls to the floor. Yeah, we’re definitely not going to make this relationship work.
“Stop it,” I say. “How about a thank-you?”
Derek doesn’t say anything. “Congratulations,” he says to Mandi what feels like a lifetime later.
I see the scowl Mandi’s trying to hide. She doesn’t like him at all, but Mandi is always polite, so she puts on a smile. “Thanks. Sorry you can’t stay.” She’s lying through her teeth.
“I’ll be right back,” I say and squeeze Mandi’s hand.
Derek slides his hand in mine on the way to the car.
“Thank you for coming. You didn’t have to,” I say in an attempt to start this conversation on a positive note.
“I know I didn’t.”
At his car, he opens the door and stands in the doorway. “So I’ll see you when I get back and we can make plans.”
My lips press together. “Maybe we can talk first when you’re back before we firm up plans.”
He tilts his head and something about it feels slightly predatory. “Talk? What’s there to talk about? I thought you forgave me?”
“Yeah, but…” Why couldn’t I have just said goodbye and left it at that?
“But what?” His posture goes rigid.
“We’ll talk when you get back. I need to get back in there.” I kiss his cheek and step away.
He grabs my wrist. “Tell me whatever it is now.” The words are laced with venom.
I sigh and look toward the inn full of people. Everyone is in the dining room, so there isn’t anyone outside. “I’m not sure it’s going to work between us. We’re very different people.”
“Why wouldn’t it work?” He’s still holding my wrist and his fingers press harder into my skin.
“Honestly? You’re not very nice to my family. And like I said, we’re different.”
“Your family is always looking at me like they don’t like me. Like they think they’re better than me and they judge me because I’m a fisherman.”
“They would never judge you for that. I’m practically a fisherwoman.”
He scoffs. “Please… you strip down naked and take out bachelor parties. God knows what happens out there on the open water.”
My mouth drops open. “Fuck you.” I unwind my wrist from his grip and stomp off.
“What the hell did you just say to me?” He stalks after me, grabbing my upper arm and swinging me around.
“I said fuck you!” I shout. “We’re over.”
“Like hell we are.” His hand comes up in a blur and I turn just as his fist connects with my face.
“You bastard!” I cover my eye as if that’s going to make a difference. “Get the fuck out of here before I rip your balls off.” I bend down, tears springing to my eyes.
“Shit. Shit. Shit.” He bends down to hover over me. “I didn’t mean to do that. I’m sorry. I really am. It’s just that I really like you and I don’t want you to break up with me.”
I stand up straight. “Go to hell. Get outa here.” I step back in case he comes after me again.
“Chevelle, I really didn’t mean it. I’m sorry.” It’s like another personality has come over him—he’s gone from rage to sorrow in a heartbeat.
“Go!” I point toward his car.
The door of the inn opens and a guy I think might work in the kitchen comes out, heading toward his car. He looks at the two of us, and Derek retreats to his car.
“Fine. Have it your way,” he mumbles.
Once his tires are off the gravel of the parking lot and on the pavement of the road, I slide through the doors of the inn, heading to the bathroom and hoping my face isn’t as bad as it feels.
I feel equal parts shaken and numb. I’ve never had a guy be aggressive with me before. I don’t quite know how to feel.
“Chevelle.” Cam touches my arm as I pass by him.
I purposely keep my face down. “I have to go to the bathroom.”
His forefinger and thumb touch my chin and he turns my face up, seeing what I assume is the start of a black eye because his eyes flash with concern first, then red-hot anger. He touches around my eye gently and I wince. “Oh, he just wrote his fucking death certificate.”
“I handled it, Cam, relax.”
“Then I’ll handle it again.”
“Please don’t,” I say, but he’s already walking out the doors of the inn as if he’s the white knight who’s going to save me.