Chapter 29
MALI
When Symphony sent her location, a nigga got excited.
How was it that years after high school, she was deciding to give me the time of day?
The thought of not even approaching this situation played on my mind, but I didn’t want to be the nigga down the line, seeing her with someone else and being on my should-have, could-have, would-have moments.
However, I knew bringing her into my dark world was not only dangerous mentally but also emotionally.
A lot came with fucking with a nigga like me and had nothing to do with the outside world, but everything internally.
In this moment, I wanted to be selfish with no remorse.
I set the bottle on the table as I got up from the couch, feeling slightly dizzy.
I knew if I had taken another drink, getting to her would never happen.
I hurried upstairs to my room to shower and change clothes.
I rummaged through my drawers looking for something to put on when I came across something.
It watched me as I watched it as it began to cripple me.
It began to make me feel that any decision I made, closing the drawer, leaving it where it lay, would curse me.
The feeling of guilt began to swallow me, and I couldn’t take it, so I closed the drawer and found what I needed from another drawer.
It took me about thirty minutes to shower and get dressed before I headed back downstairs.
I passed by the living room only to feel as though I could hear my jealous liquid lover.
It was calling out to me, asking me to share myself with it, but I wanted to share myself with Symphony.
I took a deep breath as I passed by the living room to the front door.
When I swung it open, I was surprised to see Diamond standing there.
“Sup nigga,” he said as he nodded his head.
I peeked out of the house to see if the other guys were around. When I noticed he was the only one, I became curious. “What are you doing here?” I asked.
Diamond glanced behind me, “Nigga it’s cold. Can we go inside?”
I was hesitant because if I went back inside, my liquid lover would win. She probably set the shit up. However, I was determined to get to Symphony.
I glanced back at Diamond, “I’m busy.”
“Are you? Or do you want to get to the bottle? Look, we all know what it is, Mali. A nigga jokes a lot, but I want to holla at you. So, this is what I’m going to do.
I’m going to let you slide, but be at my crib tomorrow, sober, nigga, and I mean that shit,” he paused.
“You’re not about to be drunk around my fucking girl or daughter.
I’ll beat yo ass,” he finished as he walked off, hopped on his bike, and took off.
I wasn’t sure what he wanted to talk about, but that nigga was going to see me on my time and not his.
It made me angry because they were all acting like I had a problem.
Little did they know my problems were bigger than a drink.
I had sent a message to Beans, but he hadn't answered yet. I was hoping he did a nigga a solid before I ended up running into Kareem’s ass again.
***
I pulled up to the location that Symphony had given me.
I thought coming here would be easy for me, but now that I was here, it seemed more complicated than I thought.
Birthdays and what my parents could afford for family dinners were spent here.
That’s when shit was good. When my two-parent home was healthy, and the last time a nigga felt happy.
I knew I needed to decide whether I wanted to set foot in the building.
After all, I had no way of telling her I was outside, because I didn’t have a phone, and I wasn’t about to travel with a big ass iPad on me.
The way my nerves and guilt were eating me alive, I couldn’t muster up the courage to get the fuck off the bike.
I had parked right in front of the open window to see people casually dining and enjoying a beautiful night with either loved ones or a significant other.
When my eyes landed on her, I noticed she was sitting alone, and that right there made me suck up whatever I was feeling to see to it she wasn’t alone.
I headed into the building with the weight of everything on my shoulders. My feet felt heavy, and so did my heart. A nigga needed a drink, at least one, to take the edge off. When I reached the table and stood in front of her, she smiled brightly. “You made it,” she muttered.
Symphony, the girl I had wanted since high school, the pretty ass girl who saw no one, was now seeing me. “If you call, I’ll come running,” I replied.
I knew she thought I was full of shit, but a nigga was serious as hell. She smirked. “Are you going to stand or sit?”
She had a nigga’s head gone. I shot her a quick smile as I sat. “My bad. I see you're into the fancy shit.”
She shrugged. “I mean, it can be better, but I’m not complaining. I like it here. Have you been here before?”
I froze. Did I want to share my past with her? Did I want her to feel sorry for a broken nigga like me? I stopped the waiter that was passing by because before I allowed her to dig into a nigga’s closet, I needed a drink.