MALI
I stood on the lawn, glancing at the boarded-up house.
For years, I thought this would be my family's forever home and that it would be passed down to me while my brothers were in college.
I would have a wife, a good job, and kids running around.
Shit, I was having the kid, but no wife.
I had the home, but no real job, and only one of my brothers was in college.
I knew it was going to hurt her when I told her, but her finding out another way is what hurt the most, and a nigga couldn’t take it back.
I held the whiskey bottle in my hand and stared at it.
I slowly cracked the top, and the screams coming from the bottle called out to me.
The smell of its age wafted across my nose.
At this point, I didn’t know what I was fighting for.
I couldn’t see past tomorrow, and with the flick of my wrist, I knew I would be back where I started.
I held the bottle up as I inhaled deeply.
“God, I don’t know what you're trying to tell me, but I want to obey. I want to,” I paused as I glanced at the bottle. “I choose a forever—”
“Nigga don’t do it!” I heard Monfua’s voice as I poured the whiskey onto the lawn.
He closed his eyes and then opened them, “Thank God.”
Beans stepped up. “That’s a nigga with a heart.”
I shrugged. “I guess. It’s hard as hell, man,” I broke down. “Wh-what am I supposed to do? I have a baby on the way, and she hates a nigga.”
“Yeah, I thought I heard her say that. Congratulations, my nigga,” Monfua said to me.
That shit hurt even more. I wanted my child to be able to be proud of their father, to hear great stories, but the only ones I have to tell are about my liquid lover.
“Chin up nigga. The damage is done. You move forward because you can no longer think about yourself. It’s a baby involved now, so anything you do is for that little one. ”
I nodded my head. “I need to talk to Chev. I want to step away from the Zoo.”
Monfua looked at me, confused. “What?”
“The truth is, I’m still healing. I will still be around, but I am not a servant of the Zoo. This is about sobriety. I will work my way back up.”
I had honestly made up my mind when I had gone to AA. The Zoo was everything a nigga needed, but until I felt like I was truly ready, I needed to step away. I glanced at Beans. “That’s the Mison I know. Symph, she will come around, she’s just a little heartbroken.” He said to me.
I couldn’t lose my girl; she was going to be what I needed to keep a nigga’s head on straight. “Ayo, Beans, I need a favor.”
“No!”
I laughed. “You don’t even know what it is.”
“I don’t need to know. I granted you one already.”
“Come on, one time for the one time.”
I began telling him my favor, and he was on board. I refused to let Symph go, but before any of that, I knew I needed to be honest with Chev.