35. Ian
35
IAN
After I help Sarah and her family get settled into the bungalow, I spend the rest of the day keeping my distance to give them space.
I need space, too.
I had no idea she had a child. One so grown for that matter, and it bothers me. Not because she has a daughter, but because she successfully kept her away from me, and I had no suspicion.
If she can do that, what other secret is she keeping from me?
I understand her need to protect her daughter, but I still don't understand how it relates to her father, and I didn't have the time to ask her because I was so busy trying to reassure her that everything would be okay.
Will it, though?
Sure, I'll do my best to protect them. I've already started by informing the estate security staff about Peter. I showed them his picture, and had them keep a copy with them to remember that he's not allowed into the estate under any circumstances.
But it's only a matter of time.
The way I felt when her daughter turned and I saw her eyes is not how I want to feel anytime soon, or even ever.
I felt like crap. Like a knife was being twisted in my gut. I thought she was my daughter and Sarah had kept her from me all these years.
The thought that she would have given birth to our child and didn't tell me wounds me. Good thing she's not mine.
While I'm not particularly excited about being a father, and for good reasons, I will never turn my back on my child. If I do get to have one, two, three, or even ten, I will ensure that they all know they're priceless to me regardless of whether their existence was planned or not.
My not wanting to be a father has nothing to do with not being willing to love a child, but because my life isn’t in order. There's also the fact that I hated my childhood in the system, and I know I ended up there because my father died and my mom couldn't step up.
My job is dangerous. I could go one day and never come back, and that's not something I would never want my child to have to fear or even have to live through.
Besides, I don't think I've met a woman I want to have a child with just yet. Sarah would probably be a great choice, but I know that ship sailed when she left town, and her coming back because she needs help is not going to change anything. Her stopping our earlier make-out session pretty much cements that.
When it's time for dinner, I have Salem take food to the building even though I know there's a chance Sheila cooked. I don't want to take any chances since we've all had a stressful day with the drive through the night.
I eat my dinner alone at the long table and try not to feel sorry for myself.
My life may not be perfect, but at least I'm not where I used to be. I'm finally letting go of the anger of my past, and life's slowly taking shape for the better.
Later that night as I crawl into bed, Sarah is all I can think of, which is why I'm not so surprised when she finds her way into my dream.
In the dream, she tells me Olivia is my daughter, not Kyle's, and I’m so happy until I wake up with the sun shining bright on my face and a bitter taste at the back of my throat.
Groaning, I push off the bed to go close the window blinds. I must have left them open.
The bungalow garden is in my view, and my eyes catch a young girl in the midst of it.
Olivia.
She looks so much like her mother, minus the hair, of course. If she'd been red-haired, it would have been difficult to look at her because she reminds me of the girl Sarah used to be. Young and innocent.
Slamming the blinds shut before someone sees me staring at the girl and misunderstands, I walk out of the room to the kitchen to inform Salem to make breakfast for them, too.
Salem's already preparing breakfast when I find her.
“I hope you're making enough for four people?” I ask her.
She turns her head at my words. “Good morning, Mr. Peele. Yes, sir, I am. I'll take the food to them as soon as it's ready.”
I'm impressed, and I don't hide it. “Thank you, Salem. I'll be in my room. Let me know when it's ready.”
She nods and I walk away, almost running into Elise, who's trying to go to my room to clean it. She does the cleaning whenever I'm out of the room.
“You can hold on with cleaning, Elise. Maybe after breakfast,” I say to her gently.
“Oh, I was just going to change the bedspread for now and then clean later, but it's alright, sir. Good morning.”
“Good morning. Do everything later.”
I walk into the room and let myself fall on the bed where I stay for the next ten minutes until Salem knocks on the door, telling me breakfast is ready. I take a quick shower, change into clean clothes, and leave my room.
The rest of the day drags by. I have nothing in particular to do. And it's driving me insane as someone who's worked most of his life.
Speaking of work, I wasn’t able to breathe properly until Richard sent me a message about an hour after I left for Glazer Ville telling me the rescue was successful.
It'd been eating me up that I turned down the rescue, and I guess Richard knew that and wanted to help me clear my conscience.
Sometime around noon, I get a knock on my door, and I'm informed Sarah is here to see me. I bolt out of my bed as fast as I can. While the day is only half gone, I feel like it's been rotating for years now. It is by far the longest day I've had.
Sarah's seated when I go into the living room, and she immediately stands up when she sees me.
“Good afternoon,” she says with a smile.
“How are you doing?”
She shrugs. “I'm alive.”
I nod and motion for her to sit back down. She does.
When we're both seated, I wait for her to speak.
“I'm here about Peter.”
Yeah, I saw this conversation coming miles away.
“What about him?”
“I need to know why he tried to take my daughter or how he even knows about her existence.”
I have a pretty good theory. About why he tried to take Olivia, not how he found out. I can't really say I know anything about that. Men like that have a way of getting information.
As for the attempted kidnapping, it's blackmail. He wanted to hold onto the girl as a bargaining chip for Sarah to help their father, which brings me to the very genesis of this whole thing.
I have no love for her father, and if it was up to me, I don't care whether she helps him or not. But she agreed to help him for a reason and then suddenly she backed out using some bullshit about her blood when I know it's nonsense.
Something happened in that meeting with the doctor, and she won't tell me. I don't even want to know at this point. But I have to if I'm going to be able to help her. I can't very well fight a battle when I have no idea what's at stake if I lose.
“What happened at the hospital, Sarah?” I ask her.
She instantly looks away, her walls going up.
Nodding, I decide to change the topic.
“I think he wanted to use her to blackmail you,” I say with a sigh.
Her walls crumble at my words, her eyes shooting to me.
“Oh my God, you're right. It's the only reason that makes sense. What am I gonna do?”
More than anything, I wish I had an answer or solution for her. But it's a little too early for that, especially when I still don't know why she refused to save her father at the last minute.
Throwing caution to the wind one more time, I ask her again. “What kind of complication was detected in your blood?”
She shrugs and looks away from me before she speaks. “It's not only the blood complications that made me back out. I was scared, too. Of the side effects.”
She's lying, and I know it.
I drop the topic and decide I'm not going to say anything on the matter again.
If she wants me to help, I will to the best of my abilities. But if the whole thing blows up in her face, she won't have me to blame.
She'll have herself to blame. And as much as that hurts me to realize, it's the truth. She wants me to help her and still control the situation at the same time. I guess it's because she's been so used to having to make all the decisions for herself.
If only she could just give the reins to me completely and trust that I'll do everything in my capacity to bring the win home to her.
If only.