14. Final Preparations
Chapter fourteen
Final Preparations
Clem woke at the break of dawn as she did every day, but this morning she opened her eyes to a smiling Kizzy lying beside her. “Good morning,” she said, gathering her in for a kiss. “You’re awake early.”
“Been lying here marveling at miracles.” Blue eyes stared into hers. “I’ve known I like women, not men, since I was twelve and started thinking about kissing Sharon.”
A stab of sudden jealousy surprised Clem. “The woman you were in love with.” That was long before she knew Kizzy.
“We were younger than Gabby, only twelve- to fifteen-years-old. Sharon’s parents sent her one way, while mine sent me another.
We were children with no say in the matter and have never seen or written each other since.
It broke my heart at the time, but I mended.
” She shrugged. “After a while, a young mother caught my eye when I stumbled upon her feeding her baby at a church picnic, and, well... let’s just say I quit wanting the girl I couldn’t have, and started chasing women I could. ”
Kizzy’s finger traced Clem’s jaw. “No, what I’m saying is I’ve known I like women, and not men, for a long time and learned to live with it.
I never ‘chose’ to sin because it was the way I’d always felt.
I hoped one day I’d find a woman who felt the same way, instead of convincing women to give me a try. ”
Clem grabbed Kizzy’s finger and brought it to her lips, brushing it along them.
Kizzy poked a playful finger into Clem’s mouth, touched her tongue, then traced her lips again. “Then, after being banished, cast out of Rocheport as a scandalous sinner, and shunned, I arrived as a stranger in a dangerous place, and God sent you to me when I needed you most.”
Her finger’s light touch tickled Clem’s lips as Kizzy shook her head.
“I’ve been dreaming of going to California for over a year.
I’ve heard the crossing is horrible, and when I get there it’ll be hard, dirty work.
But I went crazy thinking about all the people out there picking gold nuggets up from the ground, while I wasted time in Missouri.
I want the same chance to strike it rich, and if I don’t hurry the gold will be all gone. ”
Clem smoothed the crease in Kizzy’s forehead with her thumbs as sweet blue eyes clouded, staring past her.
She needed to talk things out, and Clem settled in to listen.
How many times had she needed to be heard, only to be spoken over?
Or wanted time to think, and been rushed? She wouldn’t do it to her new wife.
“When Father threw me out, it felt like an opportunity. He bought a ticket to the next train leaving, so by sheer accident he sent me west.” She laughed. “I tried making plans on the train and assumed it would be March, at least, before I could start out to California, but we’re leaving tomorrow!”
Kizzy’s cheerful face rivaled the beauty of the rising sun outside the window.
I want to wake up to her radiant smile every morning.
How had she become dependent upon someone she hadn’t known existed until two days ago?
Now, instead of dreading four months of hardship and loneliness, Clem was looking forward to making the trip with Kizzy.
I can’t wait until Barney meets her; he’s going to love her as much as I do.
She stopped breathing, shocked by the thought. I can’t be in love with her. Their arrangement only covered getting to California. Sure as anything, Kizzy would leave her once they arrived in Sacramento. This was a temporary arrangement, pleasant as it might be.
But with a swift kiss, Kizzy promised more to come.
“The most amazing thing, which nobody in Rocheport will believe, is you made me a respectable married lady. No one, including me, thought that would ever happen.” Kizzy kissed her again and snuggled their naked bodies together in a tight hug.
“You’re like an angel, fairy godmother, and genie all rolled into one.
I met you and poof, all my wishes came true. ”
Clem held her until Kizzy let go, then kissed her forehead.
“That’s the second time in twenty-four hours I’ve been called an angel, but I’ve got witnesses who’ll swear I’m not, can’t grant wishes, and there’s no magic in me.
” She traced a finger down Kizzy’s nose, over her lips, down her chin and along her throat, feeling her swallow. “But I swear there’s some in you.”
Propping her head on her elbow, she looked down into eyes that twinkled with laughter.
“No, don’t shake your head no. There’s something between us, a connection that made me defend your honor before you knew I existed, and pull you out of danger’s way and into my arms before we’d exchanged more than a smile.
And no one, Kizzy, has ever recognized me as a woman since I left my father’s house and began living as a man.
” She pinched the pert chin and kissed the woman who’d changed her life overnight.
“What made you see me for myself, when no one else ever has?”
With soft hands, Kizzy cupped Clem’s face.
“A combination of things, I suppose. I had a rough night on the train with men pestering me and didn’t sleep well.
I was already on guard when I got here, wary of everyone.
” She shuddered. “I felt watched, judged, unsafe, and vulnerable walking through Independence by myself. This hotel was as far as I got before needing out from under judgmental scrutiny.”
She shrugged. “I was upset over my father’s posturing and learning I was a bastard, which was both a relief and a shock.
Lack of sleep, the heat, my emotions, everything had me on edge, all of my senses were on high alert.
” She pulled Clem down for a kiss, then rolled over and sat up, letting the bedsheets fall away from her breasts, neither exposing nor hiding them. “I was a mess.”
Enchanted, staring at Kizzy’s casual nudity in sheer delight, Clem sat up beside her and did the same for the first time in her life. It took her a moment to refocus on what her wife was saying.
“From my window, I watched every woman walk by accompanied, chained to respectability. The men went where they pleased by themselves.” She shook her head.
“It isn’t fair, and I was thinking how much easier life would be if I was a man when I saw you, leaning against a wall with your leg cocked against it. ”
She grinned. “As I told you, I’m never attracted to men, but something made me look twice as you turned your head to watch something down the street.
I remembered you from the train because,” she blushed, “I felt attracted even then, but I ignored it because I’ve never felt anything for a man before.
Still, when I saw you standing there you turned your head, and from above, at just the right angle, I saw a woman’s cheek and jawline. ”
Kizzy laughed. “I’ve spent a lot of Wednesdays, Saturdays, and Sundays staring at the faces of women, wondering why they attract me so much more than men, so I have a practiced eye. But in a moment you turned back and looked like a man again. I shook off the notion and took a nap.”
What’s this? For the first time, doubt crept into Clem’s mind.
“Wait. You knew I was a woman because you looked down from a second story window, I turned my head the right way, and you have an expert’s eye when it comes to the female face?
” She scoffed. “If you were a sculptor or painter I might believe it.”
Kizzy shook her head with a smug grin, saying, “I have an eye for more than just faces, Mr. Dennison, but not in paint.”
She threw back the covers, exposing them both, and jumped out of bed. Opening her bag, she pulled out a large, dog-eared, well-worn Bible. “I always brought this to church during my father’s never ending sermons.” She jumped back in bed beside Clem and handed it to her. “Open it.”
“You really are devout, aren’t you?” she said, wondering how her religious wife would handle her atheism. Another topic for another day.
“About women, I am.” Kizzy watched her as Clem opened the hollowed out holy book to find a sketchpad and two sharpened pencils tucked inside.
“I wanted the congregation to think my head was bent in earnest prayer, repenting, while I was really doing this.” She pulled the pad from its hiding place and opened it.
“I drew this a week ago last Sunday, while sitting in the choir loft. The light from the window lit her perfectly.”
Clem studied a pencil sketch of a woman’s head and torso, impressed. “Kizzy!” She turned the page to find a drawing of the same woman, nude from the waist up. “How did you get her to pose?”
“We were in church when I drew this, you goose.” Kizzy’s laugh filled the room.
“That’s my ‘expert eye’. I showed her the drawings after choir practice on Saturday, and asked to compare it to the reality.
” She giggled. “I phrased it as an artist and asked her to model. I had only just convinced her when Father caught us.” She grinned.
“So, it was just the tilt of my head and the angle from which you saw me?”
“No. I still wasn’t sure when I woke up and came down for a late supper, until I saw you leave the dining room.
You turned, smiled, and looked at me in a way that told me you like my type of woman.
” She grinned. “Then I was sure. If you know about, and like women like me, then you must be one, too.”