Chapter 37 #2
Tears silently fall down my cheeks. Heart hurting as I recall my conversation with Michael, similar to this.
Grief overcomes me, wrenching at me as I struggle to fight back the tears.
Leo goes to touch my shoulder, but I flinch away and hug myself closer.
I continue staring at the table as I feel him drop his hand.
“Autumn,” Leo says my name gently.
“Michael asked why, too.” My voice is quiet and shaky.
“In the church, he asked why I stopped you. He didn’t understand either, after fighting Matteo off.
” I inhale trembling. The pain finally catching up to me.
I wipe away some of the tears. “I asked Michael to be a permanent bodyguard when we got home, cause he…he…fuck.” I bury my face with my hands as I try to think of the right words, why I didn’t want to throw Matteo to the wolves, but the sudden grief blurs my head.
There’s a stillness from them, neither saying anything as I try to collect myself. I wipe my face roughly, letting out a trembling breath.
“He’s been fucked with, lied to, and used. I want to give Matteo a chance, and maybe giving a semblance of mercy or compassion like I’ve been given…” I finally look up to see Leo’s solemn gaze, “…maybe he won’t turn into a monster like Gabriel. Renato. Or even Giovanna.”
Leo closes his eyes, brows pulled together as his face contorts with different emotions.
“Miss Autumn, this might be because Michael and the others were killed, to save—”
“And?” I snap back, looking at Isaac. “Alright, fine, I want one less person dead. Whether I want to save Matteo out of guilt or not, why not have one less person added to the bloodshed?”
“He’s betrayed us multiple times. Backstabbed us. What happens when he does it again?” Isaac asks.
“You believe in him that little?” I ask almost brokenly, tears still coming down.
Isaac gives him a sympathetic look. “You believe in him that much?”
Leo’s still quiet, rubbing his fingers over his forehead as he lets out a long exhale. I look over at him, watching as he silently fights with himself. Ire and pain lining his face.
“He hesitated,” I whisper, and Leo goes still. “Gabriel didn’t, but Matteo did. For a moment, he stopped. Maybe it’s a fool’s hope, but it’s something.”
Leo finally meets my gaze again. They’re aggrieved and unsure.
“His life doesn’t need to be decided right now,” I say, swallowing hard as I wipe away more tears.
“If you keep him in that warehouse, he’ll harbor more resentment towards us.
Strip a room to bare essentials. Have him work with Bobby, who’s not attached to the mob, but knows who he is.
He helped me. He’ll teach him a thing or two. Start there.”
I feel Isaac watching us as silence fills the space. I knew I was asking a lot, putting faith and time into someone who could backstab us again. Except, I couldn’t let go of this gut feeling. I don’t want him to have the same fate as Charlotte or Roger. I don’t want to see those pictures.
Slowly and carefully, Leo holds his hand out, reaching for me. This time I place my hand into his, shaking a little, as he squeezes it gently.
“I don’t want you near him,” Leo says gruffly.
“Okay,” I say softly.
“Do what she suggests, Bond. Tell the others. If he gets out of line, lock him up.”
Leo brings my hand up, kissing it. My body calms a little, less shaky as relief floods me, but still mixed with grief.
“Order breakfast,” Leo continues. “And make sure your room is to your liking. I need time with my wife before we get into any other business.”
“Sure, boss.”
Leo stands, pulling me up with him. His hand grips mine as I follow him silently to the bathroom, where he closes the door.
He turns the shower on, then faces me to cup my cheeks with both hands.
He opens his mouth to say something, but nothing comes.
My chin quivers, but I silently nod to the hot water as he wipes the last of my tears away.
Without words, he and I undress and get into the shower.
He faces the water first as I come up behind him, running my hands over his back and around his torso.
I hug him, pressing my body against his as I lay my cheek against his spine.
I shudder, trying not to suddenly spiral due to the last 24 hours. The terror, agony, and loss.
Leo turns around as the water pours over us.
Those hands I’ve watched kill, tenderly stroke my skin before he gently kisses me.
He’s affectionate in his caress as I cling to him for that small tether.
There’s no hesitation in him as he touches me, holding me close.
We’re silent as we wash each other’s bodies, grounding ourselves in this moment to feel in control again.
We’re alive.
The rest of the day was thankfully quiet. Leo took some calls, but by late afternoon, he shut off all communications and just laid in bed with me. Both of us getting more rest.
The next day, Leo went back to his usual business self, handling issues with Jameson and apparently Carrie. He sent me off with Isaac to explore London while he stayed back to deal with things unrelated to the mafia chaos.
Early afternoon, it started raining when we reached Regent Park. Isaac has already shown me the Globe Theater, the Palace entrance, and a few other touristy spots. The distraction somewhat working. Now we sit at a café that overlooks the large pond, although they call it a lake.
“You know as someone who’s from a state with a very large lake,” I start as the rain comes down harder. “Pretty sure that’s a pond.”
“Careful calling it that here,” Isaac muses.
“Yet, you call the ocean a pond,” I tease, and he smirks.
I sit back, watching the rain as I stir my tea.
“What do you think of London?” He asks.
“Nice. Bigger than I thought,” I answer, smiling. “Although I think I’d like to finally visit a new city without reason of escaping someone.”
“Cannot blame you there. Did you at least enjoy Rome?”
“Yeah. Enough that if Leo and I never go back, I think I’d be content.”
He hums, solemn as he adjusts in his seat. Again, he’s wearing casual attire with a black t-shirt, cardigan, and jeans. I’m almost matching, but have a jacket instead. The rainy weather has made it chillier.
“I wouldn’t blame him if he never returned because of what happened,” Isaac says quietly. “Quite reprehensible what his family did. I’ve heard of some dastardly things of family affairs, but lying about one’s living status for over twenty years is quite a feat.”
I swear Isaac’s accent is stronger here. I grin softly, finding comfort in the small familiarity.
“Even though I did that to my family, too?”
“Not the same.”
“You sure?”
“Miss Autumn, they didn’t even come to your funeral nor cared what happened to you.
Leo was a child, who loved his mother. You died to protect yourself and others.
Giovanna did it selfishly. Perhaps for good reason given her situation, but then that reason dissolved when Riccardo passed.
If it was solely because of her husband, why not come forward after he died?
To continue living a lie, not attempting to be with your son again?
I truly believe it was for more reasons than she’s led you on to believe. ”
Okay, got me there.
Still, hope Dr. Maxwell is ready for more three-hour sessions. I know I’ll need them.
I change the subject, not wanting to stew on it longer. “So, does your family know you’re alive or was that part of your…retirement?”
Leaning my elbows on the table, he smirks at my subject change.
“They know I’m alive. We already had a sordid relationship before I joined the military, worse when I joined MI6, disappearing a lot. When they learned I’d gotten a US dual citizenship, they practically disowned me.”
“Ahh.”
“I love the country I was born in, but it became not for me anymore. Much like yourself with the hometown you left behind.”
“I left a state, not a country,” I muse. “But guess we all do move on, even if it’s not what we thought it would be.”
The rain lightens, drizzling over the pond as people still jog and walk through the park. Barely any umbrellas in sight. I sip my tea, watching the quiet ambiance as it slowly reminds me of Rome. It’s quaint, but not home.
“Any idea how long we’ll actually be here?” I ask softly.
“Hopefully not long, but for now, it’s safer for you two.
No other mafia to speak of.” I raise my brows.
“There’s mobs and underbellies, of course, but not like Italy or America.
Names such as Marchetti or Salvadori don’t have the same impact.
Different ecosystems as it were, who don’t want to be caught up with others.
Leo has better connections with them, as well. ”
“That doesn’t entirely keep us safe, though, does it? If he turned Vincenzo’s home into a massacre, I doubt the mobs here will stop him.”
“Yes, but he doesn’t know you’re here. And if he does learn…”
“We run to another country.” His eyes meet mine, giving me a sincere look.
I sigh, leaning back as I look out over the…lake. Falling rain disrupts the water, creating circles.
“Grateful as I am being safer here, I’m ready to go home, Isaac. I thought I missed it when I was in New Jersey, but not this much. I really just want to be home.”
“You will, Miss Autumn.” We share a faint smile as the wind picks up.
“Well, until then, might as well enjoy London,” I say and then huff at him. “But, uh did Mary Poppins lie to me, because why aren’t there more umbrellas around?”