Chapter 52 A Fistful of Chances #2
Matteo stands near the counter with his shoulders hunched. Leo carefully moves me off his lap, placing me back on the couch as he stands to face his brother. Matteo folds his arms over his chest, holding himself close. He does it like he’s protecting himself, fear and unease on his face.
“Why were you on that floor?” Leo asks suddenly in a rigid tone.
He clears his throat before answering. “Bobby was replacing a bathroom fan, needed help. Wasn’t following her.” Leo only scowls at him. “Everyone kept arguing while she was freaking out. Felt I should’ve done something.”
I snort. Leo glances over to me. I shrug, cause he’s gotta admit that when he’s not around, protocol or whatever, the Crew turn into worried mother hens.
“Thought someone could just…” Matteo shrugs, “sit with her.”
Leo’s brows furrow, staring at the ground. Matteo clears his throat again, looking at me. “You, uh, get those a lot?”
“From time to time,” I answer, seeing him trying to keep his focus on me; not on his brooding, scary brother. Yeah, don’t blame him, given the last time they saw each other, Leo was letting him be waterboarded. I shiver at the memory. “That’s been the worst in a bit.”
“Because what…what happened in London?”
“Today, yes. Sometimes…because of Rome.” Wide, guilty eyes find mine. “Sometimes because of New Jersey. Interrogation rooms. Cold streets. Dingy clubs. The harbor.” His lips press together harshly. “Or a life long before New York. I have options.”
His brows scrunch together, jaw moving in thought.
Leo finally starts to move, taking his suit jacket off. Matteo stiffens, almost flinching from the simple movement. Leo is slow and deliberate as he unbuttons his sleeves, rolling them up to reveal his scars. Matteo’s eyes go wider, confusion and horror warping.
“What happened...?”
“Gabriel,” Leo answers roughly. “After torturing me for hours, I almost ripped my hands off when he tried to rape and kill my wife in front of me.”
My stomach clenches, a tremor running over my chest. Matteo goes pale, arms dropping to his side as he steps back.
“I’m sorry,” he says abruptly, staring at Leo’s hands.
“For everything. Le chiedo perdono. Mi dispiace. Not listening to you…not believing you, trusting you after…” he runs a trembling hand over his face, “…Gabriel was a monster. You warned me. And I…I never wanted that to happen. Lo giuro, I didn’t know he would—”
“Except it did, and you are to blame for him finding us.”
“I never wanted him to hurt or kill…” he shakes his head, hands starting to shake.
He looks nothing like the man who tried to kill me, hell, barely the one I saw in the lounge as I see the torment across his face.
“Autumn…mi dispiace. I thought…” his breathing picks up, “…Gabriel and Renato kept saying you were gonna make Leo leave. I didn’t want to be left alone again. Perdonami…”
Those words pierce me. My voice and Leo’s from the past echoing in my head.
“Enough.” Leo’s voice cuts through the air, silencing Matteo, who sniffles and wipes at his nose. Leo’s words are cold. “I don’t forgive you.”
Matteo’s face crumbles. My own heart cracks faintly. Fuck.
“But my wife does.” Leo continues in that strict and numb voice.
“And she wants to try to have a relationship with her brother-in-law, so I won’t damn you, but I do have rules you will follow.
You even fucking think of hurting her, I’ll cut you apart.
” Matteo grimaces, but nods. “You’ll continue working this hotel until I say or her.
Only person who outranks me is your sister-in-law, we clear? ” He nods. “Words, Matteo.”
“Yes, sir.”
There’s a twist in my stomach. Leo’s still hurting, carrying a different pain than Matteo or me. It would be a while, perhaps never, for him to forgive.
“If you don’t fuck up or cause trouble, then I’ll consider removing your guards,” Leo adds. “Try anything, anything, I send you back to Renaldi who’ll do with you as he pleases. Capisce?”
“Yes, sir.” I hate seeing how broken Matteo looks, beaten down and rejected.
“I have to go discuss some matters with Jameson. Stay here and talk with her. There’s still going to be guards outside the door. So fucking behave,” Leo warns, walking out of the apartment.
Matteo flinches away when Leo passes him. He doesn’t even look back at me as the door opens, and I see the pinch of light from the foyer before it closes.
Well, didn’t exactly give Matteo a choice, but here we are.
It’s a couple minutes before Matteo speaks, wiping at his nose again. “He hates me.”
“No, he’s angry,” I answer, wishing I could get up, but my legs will give out underneath me. Damn crutches are by Matteo. “He’s still working through things, but I don’t believe he hates you.” Matteo stares at the ground, sniffling again. “Do you hate him?”
He shakes his head. “But I want to.”
“Do you hate me?”
He finally looks up with teary eyes. “Not anymore.”
I give him a soft look. “I won’t make you have a…relationship or whatever. If you don’t want it, that’s alright.”
“He’ll kill me if I don’t.”
Quietly, I say, “He’s scary, but he’s not Gabriel.”
He frowns, chin quivering a little.
I lean forward, grabbing the box of tissues and hold them up for him. “I’d bring them to you, but my legs are out of commission and Flotsam and Jetsam are over by you.” His brows pinch together with confusion. “The crutches.”
Matteo glimpses at them. “You named them?”
“I have a wheelchair called Optimus, and my cane is Rhonda.” More confusion. “Helps me cope.”
He blinks, and sniffles again. Once more I hold up the box, and he rolls his eyes. Ah, there’s the sullen teen attitude I know. He starts to walk over but stops, grabbing my crutches and brings them over to lean against the coffee table. Stiffly, he takes a tissue.
“Grazie.”
I lean back, sighing as I wince at a pinch of pain along my tailbone. I adjust, and then gesture for him to sit. One, to help him be more comfortable after being threatened by his older brother. Two, it’s weird if he’s just standing.
After a minute, he finally does, but a good foot away.
We’re quiet as I run my hands over my thighs. I wait to see if he’ll talk or just ask to leave. He grabs another tissue, wiping his nose and puts the discarded tissue down.
“Will he ever…trust me again?” He finally speaks, voice low as he hangs his head, elbows on his knees.
“Depends on what you do. But I don’t know.”
“Do you? Is that why you want…” he waves his hand between us, “…or is it some way to make a happy family?”
I snort, leaning back into my seat more.
“No, you can’t force a family to get along.
As someone who’ll never talk to theirs again, I know that’s not always doable.
And no…I don’t necessarily trust you.” He starts to turn away, perhaps glaring at the windows.
“But I want to, which means communicating and getting to know the other.”
“Why do you even care? I almost killed you. Tried to.”
“I know how terrifying being alone can make one desperate. And you, Matteo, just wanted your brother.” His shoulders tense up, still not looking at me.
I swallow hard, holding back my own tears as I see too much of myself in him.
Too much of Leo from months ago. “And sometimes those thoughts and voices in our heads can drown us. To the point, we don’t know what reality is anymore. Who to trust. Even ourselves.”
Matteo looks down at his hands, beginning to wring them as I watch him try to cover his wrists. Like he can imagine Leo’s scars on him instead.
“I’m willing to try, Matteo,” I say softly. “If you are, too. I know I’m not Leo, and I’ll never try to be him or replace your brothers. I just…don’t want you to be alone.”
His breath hitches, continuing to wring at his hands. “Was it you? The girl…hiding in the cans at the harbor?”
“Yeah.” My voice is rough as I watch him, hoping my tears don’t betray me. He nods barely.
Silence again, stretching before us as the air feels heavy.
I’m unsure if I’m doing this right or anything right.
I could be off my rocker for wanting to try with Matteo.
Or too-soft hearted. His cries for Leo when we left him in Rome haunt me.
The pain in his eyes trying to choke me. The hurt. The anger.
“Yeah…I’ll try,” he finally says. “No one other than Bobby wants to be near me anyways.”
I sit up a little, feeling a trickle of hope as he agrees. “When were you hugged last?”
Brown eyes snap to mine. Confusion contorts his face, and then a sliver of pain. He tries to shrug it off.
“Do you want one?” I offer. He just stares at me. “Doesn’t have to be now. Just thought—”
“Yeah.”
Turning a bit more towards him, I open my arms. It takes him a moment, but he finally moves and tentatively puts his arms around me.
He’s extremely careful, like he may break me.
Don’t blame him after Leo’s threat. I hug him tighter, smoothing my hand down his back.
His breath hitches as we hug, slowly becoming less rigid in my arms. I feel his shoulders shake as I feel the familiarity of him trying not to cry.
He’s similar to Leo in that way.
Unsure what else to do, I say the words I hope he needs. “Mi dispiace, Matteo.” He goes still in my arms. “I’m sorry you’ve felt alone and isolated, and for being used so much you didn’t know what to believe anymore. And I’m sorry neither myself or Leo were there.”
A tremor happens over him as he hugs me tighter. I clutch his head, holding him. I wait until he’s ready to let go, unwilling until he does first. Slowly, he moves away from me. Until I grab his face briefly and kiss his forehead.
Matteo stares at me slightly, slack-jawed at the gesture as I settle back into my seat alongside him. He clears his throat, grabbing another tissue to wipe his face.
“You’re a really forgiving person, you know that?”
“So, I’ve been told,” I muse. “I’m a pain in the ass like that.”
He snorts, rubbing his face a little. “So, uh, how does this work?”
“Well, let’s start with…why do you like Italian westerns so much?” Movie topics—tried and true for me.
“Dad used to watch them with me.” I smile as he shrugs.
I glance over my shoulder at the television room. “Open to other genres?”
“I don’t like the romantic crap.”
I resist the urge to roll my eyes. “Fine, how about action films?”
Matteo looks over at me. “You got those, too?”
“Oh, enough to start a museum.” A bigger grin forms on my face as he looks at me curiously. “How do you feel about Nick Cage movies?”