My Dearest Mackenzie

Chapter Seventeen

It felt heavy, and that wasn’t what I wanted. I didn’t want to be a disappointment to Milly—and I wanted to impress Frances with my charm and my ability to be a better man. Sitting there talking about my dead grandmother’s letter to her long-lost love wasn’t accomplishing either.

“Do you have to work tomorrow?” I asked her.

“I have some late afternoon appointments,” Frances explained as we rode down in the elevator and walked outside in the Meatpacking District.

The city was still bustling and people walked in all kinds of directions around us.

“I want to take the morning off… Want to ride out to the Hamptons and wake up by the beach?”

It was presumptuous of me to want to spend the night together; we never had.

“I don’t have any of my stuff…” She looked around her as if her belongings would materialize.

“I can have Alex grab us and we can swing by your place.”

She swiped her hand behind her and let her ponytail down, shaking her head.

Impulse took over and I gathered her close and kissed her right there on the street corner for the world to see. Mackenzie Miller is a new man…

“It’s late,” she mumbled.

“We can sleep in, order breakfast or whatever, walk on the beach, and Alex can bring us back in time for you to work.”

“And what about you?”

“That’s Corey’s problem.”

“He is going to hate me.”

I kissed her again, our mouths dancing against one another. Pulling back, I asked, “Is that a yes?”

“Okay. If it saves your place from the dust bunnies, I’m in,” she said with a smile, and I pulled out my phone.

Alex grumbled a bit until I added I’d be bringing Frances, and all of a sudden he was on board with the idea.

With Frances asleep on my shoulder, we pulled into the driveway around a quarter after midnight. With a soft kiss to her forehead I woke her, and she looked up as if she wasn’t exhausted. I helped her out of the car, grabbing her duffel, and we walked to the front door.

“What about Alex?”

“He will stay in the pool house,” I told her.

My house might be a funky bungalow, but it was the separate quarters in the back that had sold it to me.

Inside the house, Frances slipped off her shoes, her pink toes matching the soft hue on the walls. “It’s so beachy here,” she said. “So different than your apartment. I like it.”

“I always felt like it had a few touches of Milly’s place.”

“It does.”

This time it was Frances who stood on her tiptoes and kissed me, her duffel falling at our feet. We stayed that way for a while in the hallway until our bodies were grinding and moving along one another, seeking friction.

“Does it feel too fast?” I didn’t want to push her, but my lower half was urgent to get involved with Frances’s entire being.

“No. It’s been a little rocky, but this feels right,” she told me, and I lifted her up immediately.

Not making it farther than the kitchen, I set her on the counter and continued to kiss her while my hand worked its way around the back of her pencil skirt, unzipping the fabric. “Lift,” I told her, and she did as she was told, her ass rising off the quartz.

I shimmied the skirt off, and before doing what I wanted, I lifted her blouse off. A button popped yet she didn’t seem to mind. My mouth came to hers again before I yanked back and took her in. In a mint green satin bra and white lace panties, she was perfection.

“Frances, I want to devour you.”

She giggled. “That’s quite the line to use in the kitchen…”

“I don’t give a fuck if you laugh because you’re about to be screaming.”

Before she could respond, I grabbed a cushion from the chair and tossed it on the floor, coming down on my knees and tugging her panties to the side.

I was fully clothed, and sweat beaded on my back as I swept my tongue along her most delicate parts, her moan more luscious than I imagined. Her growl ghosting every nerve in my body, I couldn’t get enough of her—every sensation, sound, taste, smell…

I went to work, noting when Frances tossed her head back. With one eye on her chest heaving up and down, her bra barely containing her and her body rippling at every touch of my tongue, I took her almost there and then backed her down.

“I’ve fucking died,” I told her.

“Mack,” she begged.

“You have been bossing me around since we met. Not today, Feisty Frankie.”

Being so close to the ocean, the air was already damp. But with every ooh and aah, the room filled with a heady sensation.

“Please, Mack,” Frances repeated, and I capitulated, picking up speed, applying pressure where I noticed she was most sensitive.

I inhaled every shiver and sensation from her, allowing her to ride the wave, my mouth never letting up. When her hand squeezed my hair and she pulled me up for a kiss, I was smitten all over again with her. With her taste on my tongue, we kissed, and she started pulling off my shirt, running her palms down my back and squeezing my ass through my jeans.

“This can’t be comfortable,” she said, looking down at my pants-covered length.

“I don’t want to do anything you don’t want…but I need you with every cell in my fucking body, Frances. I don’t even know how we got to this place, but we are here. And I never want to leave.”

“Have me—I have an IUD,” Frances whispered, urgent with desire and practical in sharing important information.

We weren’t kids. We knew what we wanted and we were going to take a taste of it.

Frances squirmed to bring our bodies closer, if possible. She didn’t echo my sentiment on never wanting this to end, but I was already unzipping my pants and shoving them off, along with the shoes on my feet, and pushing her back on the counter. My chest pounded as my hand ran up Frances’s soft abdomen, and I could feel her own heart beating a furious rhythm close to mine as I positioned myself to enter her.

“We can use the bed later,” was all I said. I couldn’t even wait in this moment—the kitchen felt like the only place to savor the delicacy known as Frances.

“Mack.” My name was once again a whimper on Frances’s breath, and I couldn’t help but indulge our desires, slipping inside her slowly, picking up speed as my palm traversed every inch of her skin.

She equally explored my chest and back as I guided myself in and out of her. Her breath picked up and tiny ripples spread through her body. She clenched me as she started to go off again, and I was only moments behind.

“Shit, that could have been a lot more romantic,” I mumbled while spread over Frances on my kitchen counter, my weight held up by my forearm and my free hand running through her hair.

“It was perfect, but the kitchen is definitely going to need to be sanitized. Hope the cleaning crew comes tomorrow.”

This woman. She had a way of making every moment the perfect balance of emotions.

The next morning, I woke in a tangle of blond hair and small limbs. I noted to myself that Frances slept as feistily as she lived. I spent a beat or two watching her wake up before whispering, “Hi.”

We’d fallen asleep after a second round in the sheets and a warm shower that followed.

“This is awkward,” the beautiful woman in my bed mumbled.

“You don’t do this often?” I couldn’t help but tease and fish for an answer at the same time.

“You know I don’t.” Her voice still raspy with sleep had me ready for more of whatever she was willing to give.

Gathering her close, I whispered, “Probably because they’re afraid you’ll kickbox them to death.”

“Very funny…and it’s distracting from how strange this whole scenario is. I mean, how many times have you ditched me? And here I am, in bed with you.”

I brought my hand to her cheek and smoothed my palm over her skin, making my way to her hair, gliding my fingers through her soft locks. It was as sincere a moment as I’d ever had, but I wasn’t sure how to put it into words. “I’ve had a lot of experiences in life. Privilege is practically my middle name—”

She interrupted. “Don’t. You work hard. You built most of what you have,” she insisted, and it was pure Frances.

“Do you always have to prove a point? Your point?”

“I do…and you grew your company.”

Pinching her cheek, I admitted, “I did, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t lived a good life. I’ve never wanted for anything, other than my mom. Which I never say to anyone. When I got over her, I decided doing what I wanted, working, playing, was enough. Then, you came along. I don’t know how but you made me want something I’d tabled for myself. Now here you are. And yes, I have left you at key moments. My own pride got in the way.”

“Well, I just meant that one minute we were at dinner, and the next in the Hamptons in a bed…”

“Well, on a kitchen counter first,” I clarified.

“Ha. Now move. I have morning breath.”

“I don’t care,” I said, and I didn’t. I hoped she truly understood this was awkward for me too. Not the “waking up in the Hamptons with someone” but caring for another person.

Although, for the record, it wasn’t often that I woke next to a woman.

“Let me brush my teeth. One minute,” Frances said while wiggling out of my arms.

She would not be denied and slithered out from the bed. I decided to do the same, and hurried to brush my teeth if it meant getting back in between the sheets with Frances.

While Corey was shocked, I’d called off the morning. I imagined him doing some kind of Millsy dance in excitement over it.

Which was exactly what he was doing that afternoon when I walked into the office, armored in a suit and needing a strong cup of coffee before my afternoon of shitty tasks.

I found Corey in my office, whistling “Here Comes the Bride,” and asked him, “Do you always prance around my office when I’m out, planning imaginary weddings?”

He stopped mid-track and held his hands up in the air, declaring, “Guilty!”

“Okay, let’s get to work. I need to talk to the supplier for the new bottles for the new scent. They were having some sort of shipping issue.”

Corey nodded and started walking out toward his desk before turning and asking, “How was the night?”

“Get that smirk off your face, Corey,” I said while laughing. He feigned hurt and I finally gave in. “Fucking great. Now get them on the phone. I need to solve this issue and then I have to run out for a bit.”

After sorting the packaging issues and negotiating a better price, I checked my email and stood up to go. I had a visit to make, and I’d grab a coffee on the way. There was something on the edges of my mind, a piece of the puzzle that I’d been trying to jam into the wrong slot.

Alex drove me to the Upper East Side and pulled over at a little local coffee shop a block away from where I was heading. I went in, grabbed two coffees, and walked the rest of the way to my destination. The doorman quickly opened the door for me, knowing who I was, and buzzed me up without calling. Which was how I surprised my dear aunt Susie at her apartment. I knew she’d be home because it was a Thursday in August. Tomorrow morning she’d dash to the Hamptons like everyone else in her world.

“Mack?”

“Here, I brought you a coffee.” I handed off one of the disposable cups and took a long slug from the other while walking inside her gaudy apartment.

“What are you doing here? I mean, it’s nice to see you, but unexpected.” She smoothed her dyed-black hair behind her ear, showing off her Botoxed cheek. “Did you want to talk about the potential business arrangement with Tom? We could still arrange a meeting with Traci, the woman I told you about. I understand not wanting to do it over the Jewish New Year, but Tom’s not here. Obviously.”

“No.” I spoke firmly, walking farther into the apartment, saying hello to the housekeeper, who was staring at me as if I was the only person to ever barge in there. I probably was.

“I was getting ready to leave in the morning. The kids are all coming out to the beach place for the weekend.”

I nodded. “I don’t really care.”

Standing in front of the grand piano that no one played, she asked, “What are you upset about, then?”

I faced her and asked what I wanted to know. “Do you ever go out to Westchester?” Something about the house and my chat with Frances had started the thoughts churning in my mind. The last twenty-four hours an onslaught of questions had clouded my brain.

“No, it’s not my place to go. It’s yours—remember?”

“You grew up there,” I countered.

“So did you. More recently than me.”

“You have history there. So why is it Milly left me the house, and the business mostly became mine, and you got a lump sum and were left out of the family legacy? That’s what I need to know, Susie. I’m missing something here. Milly wanted you out of Silky…she’d told my dad as much.”

I downed some more coffee, no longer needing the caffeine jolt but my throat was dry with anticipation. My aunt stood there, cup in hand, looking at me with wide eyes.

“Do tell,” I encouraged her. “I’m not leaving until you answer.”

“Do you want to sit?” She motioned to the couch behind me.

“No. Talk, Susie. I’d ask my dad but he’s not here. And let’s face it, he lived in some alternate reality. He was never reliable…for anything.”

She nodded. “We all felt bad about that. Your mom, she ruined him. Milly took on the burden but it wasn’t her fault.”

“You don’t think I know that? If you hadn’t noticed, I’m a grown-ass man. I know exactly what my mom did. All too well. I certainly don’t need to be babied or talked down to. Tell me what I’m missing.”

“Milly wanted it this way,” was all she said. She kept her tone even and her facial expressions schooled.

“Why would she want her only daughter out of her family legacy?”

“I meant she wanted me to keep quiet and treat you with care. You were her baby, the light of her life, and the one she wanted to have happiness. She was different with you. Don’t you get that?”

Clearing growing emotion from my throat, I asked, “What are you getting at? I was a burden. Yeah, Milly loved me, but she’d raised her kids and spent my lifetime annoyed with my mother for not taking care of me.”

Susie shook her head. “You were her second chance, the one she was going to launch into the world for all things good and golden. Silky was ripe for expansion, and the world was a different place when it came to love and living.”

I stared at my aunt—in a flash it became clear she knew about Jimmy Burns. I waited patiently for her to cop to it and explain how she fit into the story.

She turned away from me for a quick second. When she swiveled back, she spoke softly. “I knew something I shouldn’t, and Milly never wanted me to discuss it. But I still did something I shouldn’t have…and Milly made sure I would never do it again. She took the house away from me, drew up the terms for my shares of Silky and passed them on to your dad for future use, and made it impossible for me to ever touch your greatness. If I did, she promised to dissolve any future college accounts for imaginary children I’d have at that point.”

“What?” I growled the question, needing to know why I didn’t know any of this, and how it potentially affected Frances.

Fuck, Frances, this would blow back on her. Another way I could hurt her. Susie didn’t know who Frances was or that she was even in my life. But with my falling harder for Frances, I could inadvertently serve her up into Susie’s warped world.

“You knew what? And did what? Look, Susie, I’m missing work and I need you to get on with it. I don’t need your niceties, only your explanation.” I growled her name, and lasered my eyes on her.

She looked away again before staring me back dead-on. With her elbow on the piano, she started to speak. “It was around the time I got pregnant. I’d gone out to see Milly. You were just a kid, playing with some fancy building set in the playroom. Milly wanted to see me and make sure I was taking care of myself. You know Milly. She’d made some homemade vegetable soup and watched me eat a bowl. Truthfully, I had a ball to attend and wanted to borrow one of Milly’s Chanel bags…so I made the trek out to see her.”

I nodded. Now I knew where this started. And I feared where it ended. “You found the letter?” I blurted out the question, already knowing the answer.

It must have been the first one, not the second one detailing Milly’s illness, because that would have been added much later. I didn’t need to hear any more pointless details from Susie but remained a captive audience.

“I did read it, but I didn’t tell Milly. I put it back where it was and took a different bag so she would think nothing of it.”

“Then what?” I started to pace Susie’s cream-colored area rug.

“I decided to find Jimmy Burns. We all knew there was a sadness to Milly, and with Dad gone for so long already, I was going to be the one to fix it. In my mind, it would win me points with Milly. So, I hired someone to locate potential Jimmy Burnses, and when I discovered the right one, I went to see him. Took a car service out to Long Island, and I told him your grandma still loved him and wrote imaginary letters to him, and he needed to reach out to her. He was a nice man. Definitely had a twinkle in his eye when he heard Milly’s name. ‘My Rosie’—he murmured it, but I caught it. Anyway, he showed me pictures of his family and said it wasn’t possible. He was loyal to the woman he married despite his heart still carrying feelings for Rosie. He wished me well, said to tell Rosie he sent his best, and led me out.”

“So he wouldn’t see Milly? Or call? Or anything?” I couldn’t help but think how this would crush Frances. “How did she know you went to see him?”

“He called. Reached out to Milly. It was only once, but it was enough as far as Milly was concerned. He said he was sorry about my dad, your grandfather, passing and that I’d gone to see him and how great it was to meet me. He emphasized that I was a lovely young woman, but he couldn’t be a part of Milly’s life. She was irate with me, inviting Jimmy back into her world when her own parents had banished him. I’d never once seen Milly cry except for when she quickly turned away from me. A tear had started to form in her eye when she spoke about her parents. After composing herself, she explained to me she wasn’t allowed to date Jimmy. She’d been ripped away from him and sent to her cousins for a short while before being married off to Harold.”

Filing away every fact, I shook my head, not wanting to let on how much I already knew.

“Did you know any of this?” Susie stared at me. “You and your happiness were the whole reason Milly went crazy on me. This story was supposed to die with her. And here you are, knowing about the letter. I assume you found it? Is that all? Was there more?”

Clearing my throat, I lied. “I don’t know much. I found the letter. And there was a second one written, closer to the time Milly passed. I assume you don’t know about that one?”

“No.” Susie crossed her arms in front of her.

“I put a bunch of stuff together in my mind, figuring this Jimmy was an ex, one she was presumably ripped away from…”

“Her parents absolutely forbade it. When she told me, she said it was the darkest time in her life. She was also not surprised Jimmy wouldn’t see her. ‘He’s a good man,’ she’d said. ‘The best, and I’d expect nothing less from him than to be loyal.’”

“Sounds like she went into a lot of detail with you? To then turn around and hold it against you?”

“It was a weak moment on her part. That’s all I can chalk it up to.”

I still couldn’t believe Jimmy called Milly, and wondered if I should share that with Frances. I knew better than to mention Frances to Susie now. Susie would make assumptions about status and relationships, just like she had when it came to Milly. Granted, her heart might have been in the right place with Jimmy, but her judgment was off when it came to society.

But would Frances stay away from Susie? She was the type of woman who left no stone unturned. If she wasn’t satisfied with our findings, she might seek out Susie.

“After speaking the truth, Milly lost her mind. Told me it was her life, her story, her mistakes, and not mine to barge in and get involved. She spewed hatred over me visiting Jimmy. I was a foolish daughter, one who meddled in business that wasn’t hers. But I thought it was a sweet idea at the time.”

That, I couldn’t disagree with. But this wasn’t the time for my opinions.

Susie strode to the other side of the piano, wringing her hands. “Milly said it was my fault he called and opened old wounds. For him and her, she made note. Then she stressed how she’d spent decades packing Jimmy away, and I was never to speak his name again. Not to your dad or you. She said you were going to live your life without knowing of any more pain and suffering. And I was going to feel the hurt of stepping out of line.”

Susie didn’t cry or get emotional over the spat with Milly. She spit her words out laced with venom.

“She was protective of me.” It was a thoughtless thing to say, but in the moment I still didn’t want to divulge how much I knew, or how, or why. Let alone the other letters and meeting Connie. Why? Because all roads went back to Frances.

“Well, she was not protective of me. She made sure I was cut out of her life in many ways, not to mention the future of the family was all safeguarded for you.”

“I didn’t do that.”

“I know, but it’s hard not to resent you. The golden child with the clean slate, free from Milly’s past, forging into the future.”

“You’re the one who dredged her past up.”

“Well, now you know, so you can leave,” was all she said, and I was happy to do as I was told.

“I sure can. And in case you still wondered, I won’t be joining you for the Jewish holiday. None of this is my doing, Susie, and I can’t be blamed for others’ actions.”

I couldn’t be mad at Milly for protecting me and not wanting me to know the sad details of her past, but I could be mad at Susie for reopening old wounds for the only steady person in my life, whether it was born in a good place or not. Susie hurt Milly, and my love for my grandmother couldn’t handle the notion of that.