Chapter 18
Eighteen
It was the first morning after the wedding, and Isolde received a most unexpected message. She had just finished preparing herself for breakfast and was about to leave her room, only for Mr. Pemberton to knock on her door.
“Might I come in, Your Grace?” he said as he gently popped the door open.
“Oh.” Isolde paused, a moment of worry flooding her, certain that she had done something wrong. “Y—yes, of course, Mr. Pemberton. And please, there is no need to be so formal. Isolde will do just fine.”
Mr. Pemberton glanced at Grace, the chambermaid, before looking back at Isolde. “There is every need, Your Grace. I would not presume to call you otherwise.”
It felt strange to be treated with such respect. Mr. Pemberton knew as well as anyone the truth about who Isolde was, so he should have been the last to care about such formalities. Or so Isolde assumed.
But she noticed Grace looking between them with confusion.
She sensed the warning in Mr. Pemberton’s stare.
As far as the rest of the home was concerned, and the rest of the ton for that matter, she was the daughter of a baron and was now the wife of a duke.
While it was all a lie, it was imperative for Isolde to keep the lie intact.
“Yes, of course…” She laughed awkwardly. “Forgive me, Mr. Pemberton. I am still getting used to my new title.”
“There is no need to ask for an apology, Your Grace,” he said with a sense of relief. “These things might take time. Grace…” He turned to the chambermaid. “I would like a moment alone with Her Grace, thank you.” He cocked an eyebrow at her.
“Oh, yes!” Grace hurried from the room and shut the door behind her.
The door clicked shut, and still, Mr. Pemberton presented a strict poise which told her that, even alone, he would continue to treat her as a duchess and the lady of the house. He was nothing if not committed to his role.
“I wished to check on you,” he said. “Yesterday was perhaps not quite what was expected, but you did well, and I have no doubt that those who came to witness the ceremony left believing the truth of your status, as well as the validity of this marriage.”
“Is that such a good thing?” She sighed. “I feel horrid, Mr. Pemberton. Truly, if I were able, I would go back in time so that I never acted as I had done.”
“And yet, such wishes are not reality. All we can do is look to the future and make the best of the situation. A situation that must be maintained and proffered so that nobody doubts its truth…” He raised a knowing eyebrow at her. “You do understand what I am saying?”
“That I must continue to play my role,” she said with another deep and forlorn sigh. “Do not worry, I am well aware. For so long as His Grace requires it, I will do as he asks.”
“You are married, Your Grace,” he said. “So, the requirement will be for life.”
Isolde knew this already, but to hear it said so matter of factly felt strange and made her feel worse than she already did. She had tricked Cassian into marrying her, trapped him in a situation that wasn’t his fault, and had effectively ruined his life because of it.
It might have been nice to pretend that things would get better between them, but whenever Isolde dared to hope, she remembered Cassian’s face yesterday during the ceremony.
He had barely been able to bring himself to look at her.
When he did, she saw not anger but sorrow in his eyes.
She had hurt a man who did not deserve it, and no amount of excuse making or justification would change that.
Should I seek him out and apologize again? Should I avoid him for the rest of my days? Is there anything I can do at all to make him know how sorry I am… and would he even care if there was?
“For life,” she said, bowing her head in shame. “It is such a long time, isn’t it?”
Mr. Pemberton must have seen something in her posture, or heard it in her tone, because he crossed the room and rested a consoling hand on her shoulder. It startled her, and Isolde almost gasped in surprise when she looked up to find an expression of pity on the aged steward’s face.
“It will get better, Your Grace,” he said. “In time, what now feels like a travesty of untold proportions will surely improve. You just need to play your part the best that you can. It is what His Grace needs, most of all.”
“Why are you being so nice to me?” she asked. “I… I do not deserve it. And you of all people should hate me for what I have done.”
“I do not hate you,” he said with a sigh. “I will not pretend that I am happy about any of this, but I understand why you did as you did, just as I know that hate brings us nothing. It is an unfortunate circumstance, and all we can do is our best to make it work.”
“But can it work? We might be married in name, but I am not a duchess, Mr. Pemberton.”
“You are now.”
“No,” she said firmly. “I am not. I do not know this world. I do not know what to expect from it. Am I to avoid His Grace from here on out? Am I to try to make him accept me? I…” Her chin began to wobble as the emotions flowed. “I just feel so helpless.”
“Which is the reason that I have come to see you,” he said.
“What do you mean?”
“I told you when I first met you that my number one concern is His Grace’s well-being. That will always be the case, and that has not changed with this marriage. In fact, I find it is more imperative than ever that this marriage finds a footing that will not see it topple and collapse.”
“But how?” she pleaded.
“One step at a time,” he said gently. “In truth, His Grace was never set to wed, and for so long, I never thought that he would. So, I do not see this marriage as a loss, more as a new direction taken that nobody could have seen coming. What is more, despite how he acts, there is a part of me that believes…” He smiled softly and shook his head. “That does not matter.”
“No, what were you going to say?”
“Just that he is not as lost as you believe. He might not show it, and he will never say it, but he needs you now more than ever.”
“No, that is the last thing that he needs,” she said. “I will only make things worse.”
“You will if you continue to play the victim.” His tone hardened suddenly. “The simple fact is, this marriage has happened, the ton now sees you as a duchess, and you must make them believe that you are. His Grace’s reputation must remain intact, and only you can ensure such a thing.”
“I do not… what are you saying?”
“Tonight, His Grace has invited over some business partners for supper. His memories might not have returned to him, but he insists on acting as if they have. Right now, he is in his office, dedicating himself to catching up on all that has been lost to him. He knows how important his business dealings were before the accident, and he refuses to let them fall by the wayside.”
“And how does this concern me?”
“I had thought that would be obvious,” Mr. Pemberton said. “You will be joining him for supper.”
“What?” Isolde lurched back as if she had been slapped. “I… surely that is the last thing I should do?”
“It is the first thing,” Mr. Pemberton said. “It is expected that you join, for to not do so will look strange. You are his wife.”
“But…” Isolde’s heart started to race in panic. “Cassian will not want… I am the last person… I will only make things worse!”
“He knows that you must join him, just as he will understand the etiquette of it. And because you will be joining him, you will be expected to act as a duchess. You must fool his guests into believing the lie you have spun.”
Isolde’s face started to grow warm as the panic rose inside of her.
When Cassian had no memories of his past, it was easy for her to play a false role because he did not know any better. She could make mistakes. She could do as no lady would. What was more, Cassian had seemed to like it about her, that she was not so stuck-up and proper.
But she was not a lady. She did not belong in the ton. And married or no, that wasn’t going to change. Nor would it ever.
“I do not know how to be a lady,” she said. “And the moment I try, it will be so obvious that I do not belong that it will not take a genius to figure out what I have done. My presence can only hurt Cassian.”
Mr. Pemberton chuckled. “Why do you think I am here?”
“To warn me,” she said bitterly.
“To help you,” he said. “You will join His Grace for supper, and you will act as a lady must. You will prove to His Grace that this marriage is not a trap but one that is advantageous.” He made sure to look directly at her.
“You wished to know how this might work, how you might go on? It starts tonight, Your Grace. It starts with proving your worth, as well as proving to yourself that you have a right to be here.”
“But I do not have a right to be here.”
“You will do,” Mr. Pemberton said. “By the time I am done with you, even His Grace will wonder if you are who you say. Trust me, Your Grace. But most of all, trust yourself.”
The last thing that Isolde wanted to do was join Cassian and his business partners for supper.
Never mind how out of place she might be, but to find herself so close to the man whom she had lied to and hurt, and so soon after the fact, made her want to crawl into a hole and hide for the rest of her days.
She doubted that Cassian would appreciate what she was doing. And she doubted that it would do anything to change his opinion of her. Just as she knew that she had no choice.
I am responsible for this mess, and the least I can do is whatever I must to not make it worse. This isn’t about Cassian forgiving me, but about me making up for what I have done…
Her heart still raced. The panic inside her did not vanish.
But Isolde considered the reality of her new world, just as the phrase ‘for life’ echoed in her mind.
She could not spend her life hiding. There was nowhere to run.
She was a duchess now, and if acting the part helped Cassian even a little, she would do it.
“All right,” she said as she brought herself up and attempted to look confident. “Just tell me what I need to do.”