Chapter 35
Thirty-Five
“There you are.” Cassian found his wife on the balcony, the same one that he had taken her to what now felt like a lifetime before. She stood on the railing, looking up at the full moon, utterly lost in her thoughts, and as beautiful as ever.
She turned and saw him, a soft smile on her lips. “I was wondering when you would find me.”
He walked to her, and when he did, she turned back to face the railing. Cassian came in behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist, holding her close.
“Hiding, were you?” he chuckled as he breathed her in.
“From the last of the guests,” she said. “Not from you.”
“I would hope not.” He kissed her on the top of the head. “The last of them have just left. Your brother and sister are in bed. And your father…” He chuckled. “Well, of him, I have no idea.”
Isolde said nothing at first, which did not bother Cassian at all. The silence between them was comfortable and accepting—the type that could stretch for hours and would not matter, as long as they were together.
These last few weeks had been long… the last few months, in fact. For what felt like an age, Cassian had been confused, angry, not sure what he wanted of himself or his life, and not sure what he could do to find the answers.
Finally, all that was in the past.
Now, all Cassian had to do was look to the future. He was married to the woman he loved, there were no more lies or secrets between them, and all they had to look forward to was what might come next. And that was something to smile about.
“Are you happy, Cassian?” she asked suddenly, her voice soft.
“What?” he started in surprise. “How could you…”
“Let me rephrase,” she said with a soft chuckle.
“Your memories have still not fully returned. Maybe they never will. I wonder, does that worry you? What if one day, something comes back, and it calls into question… I do not know.” She laughed again, but it was strained.
“Will you ever be truly happy until you know everything about yourself?”
“Is that a real question?”
“It is.”
“Isolde…” He sighed and gently let her go.
Then he took her hand and turned her so that they faced one another.
Her face was bathed in the moonlight. She had never looked so perfect in his eyes, and that she still worried about him after all this time…
that is why I love her. “You act as if my memories and my past are what define me. What make me who I am.”
“They did for a time.”
“They did,” he agreed. “But as you also know, I was not happy. I was terrified, in fact. I hated who I was, so I turned myself into someone who I was not. I refused to let others in, and I convinced myself that was for the best.”
She smiled gently. “Oh yes, I remember that a little too well.”
“I do not care about my past,” he confirmed as he reached up and cupped her face. “Good memories, bad ones, they are not what define me. And they are not what makes me. What I do care about…” His brow furrowed as he considered. “In some ways, I hope that nothing else comes back to me.”
“That is not… that sounds like running, again.” She shook her head. “Isn’t that the opposite of what you should want?”
“As far as I am concerned, my life did not start until I met you.” He held her face and looked into her eyes so that she could see the truth of his words.
“I was lost before I met you. I stumbled through the dark, with no idea where I was going, and not caring for that matter. But when I woke up in that cottage, it was as if a light suddenly shone before me, showing me the way.”
She rolled her eyes, but her smile grew.
“I am who I am because of you. And while my past might be unclear, what I am more focused on is my future. While the man I am today is someone you love, I hope that the man I become is someone you will continue to love.”
“I will,” she said. “Nothing will change that.”
“Change is a good thing,” he said to her. “So long as we change together. We both have a past that is unclear, one of which we might not be proud. But our future is our own, and together, I know it will be one worth living.”
Her eyes lit up, and he saw her chest rise.
“You are my future, Isolde. You are all who I care about. Whether my memories return or not, that will not change. I am done letting the past define me. I am done caring about it… No. I do care about it.” He smiled.
“But only because every mistake that I made, and every wrong decision I lamented, led me to you.”
She laughed. “That is a good answer. Far too good.”
“You bring it out in me, that's why.”
It was the truth, too. Who Cassian might have been was not important. The memories that defined him held no relevance. The only reason he bothered to think about them at all was because they were the reason he had found Isolde.
She had seen him where nobody else had dared. She had known him as even he had not known himself. And she was the reason that he stood there right now, with the woman he loved, as happy as he had ever been, and happier than he ever thought was possible.
He owed her his life, and he would spend the rest of it making sure she knew as much.
“Shall we go inside?” he said as he held her face. “The rest of our lives start now, so we should start them together.”
She rested her hand on his. “I cannot wait.”
With that said, she took his hand and they walked back inside. Cassian did not know what would happen next. He could not see into the future, just as he struggled to see into his past. But what he knew for certain was that, as long as Isolde was by his side, he would be happy.