97
“Hey there, buster!” Tania stomped up to the golem and jabbed her finger into its belly.
“What do ya think you’re doing? That’s our engineer!
Ya can’t bluster and bellow at him like that!
And if ya even point that darn buzzer at him again, I’ll take it offa ya and give it back to ya through your face hole! ”
The golem froze.
Slowly, its head rotated to look down at her. The gears in its neck squeaked and creaked as it let out a meek string of beeps.
“So ya should be,” Tania said, crossing her arms and huffing. “That ain’t no proper way to speak to an engineer.”
The golem slowly turned to Milo, tucking away its saw.
Then a dull brassy groan was emitted from deep inside its shell.
Tania tutted. “Don’t lie to him like that! Your eyes are working just fine.”
Another low groan.
“What? There ain’t no fog!”
A thin whine.
“Oh, pish to that,” she said, pointing at Milo. “It ain’t me ya need to be sorry to. It’s our engineer!”
The golem shifted its weight awkwardly and put its hands behind its back. Every movement made it creak. A quick twitter of beeps and another thin whine was aimed at Milo.
He looked to Selma, who grinned. “He said sorry,” she said. “He’s still making excuses, though.”
“Oh.” Milo looked back to the massive golem and shook his head.
This wasn’t what he’d expected at all. He was sure he’d missed a meeting somewhere along the way.
“That’s alright. I think you’re not the only one who owes me an apology.
And as soon as one of you tells me what in all the blasted hells is going on, I’ll know who that someone is. ”
Tania slapped the golem in the guts. The sound echoed across the ruin.
“Milo, this is Bluto.”
“Bluto?”
“Yeah. He’s a Cutter.”
“Because he cuts?”
“That’s right,” Tania said with a bright smile. “Mostly trees and logs. Then a Dragger brings the logs back to be turned into charcoal for the forges.”
“Right.” He squinted at her. “That explains the saws. But it doesn’t explain why he stopped attacking.”
“I’m an 11-B,” she said.
“I know that,” he said. “I made you, remember?”
“I do!” She glanced at Bluto. “He touched my core.”
The big golem took a step back, looking shocked. The step made the ground shake under its feet, and it made a noise like a squawk.
“Really,” Tania said.
“He touched mine, too,” Selma confirmed.
“And mine!” Mila squeaked. “Don’t forget mine!”
“No one’s forgetting you, sister,” Tania told her. Then to Milo; “He’s gotta do what we say. That’s just how the dwarves wanted things.”
“Why?”
“Well, they couldn’t go running around giving every golem orders. There’s too many golems and not enough dwarves to start with,” Tania said. “So, we were, like, assistants? Anyway. Big old Bluto here knows how to be a good boy. Don’t cha, Bluto?”
The golem rocked a little and gave her a brassy toot.
“But this isn’t real,” Milo said. “It’s a dungeon. A game, right?”
“Right.”
“So, why is it still obeying you?”
“It respects my authority?” Tania shrugged. “Milo, I told ya, this is dwarf stuff. The game thing. I know those Tinkers are using a pad to design the levels. But all they’re doing is selecting enemies from a list, right? And they get spawned in it.”
“Right,” he agreed. He’d already seen enough in the pad to know that’s how it worked.
“Who do ya think put those things into the pad in the first place? It ain’t your Tinkers, that’s for sure. They wouldn’t know how.” Tania patted Bluto again. “This old lug is just doing what he was made to do. And every lug like him is made like a real golem.”
“Okay,” Milo said slowly, trying to think it through. “But you said this was a game. So, why would they want that limitation? Doesn’t that defeat the purpose of fighting in here?”
“Fighting?” Selma chuckled. “The Game Console wasn’t just for fighting, Milo.”
“That’s right.” Tania nodded. “Most levels ain’t for fighting in. At least, not the dwarf ones.”
Milo lowered his rifle suspiciously.
“What are they for, then?”
“Oh, lots of things,” Tania said airily.
“So, all that prep work I did… It was all for nothing?”
“I wouldn’t say that,” Tania said. “It got ya to spend time with the pad, didn’t it? You got to learn all about how the dungeon layouts were made. And some of the options you could use. Right?”
“Right,” he said, still not convinced.
“Hey, Bluto, are there any secret doors around here?”
“Secret doors?” Milo frowned. He couldn’t remember seeing any.
But the big golem trumpeted a note which sounded like a yes to him.
“Really?” Tania showed a wicked grin, which made Milo nervous. “Wanna show us where it is?”
The golem turned and start walking slowly away.
Tania danced up to Milo and took his hand. “Come on, Milo. You’re gonna love this.”
“I don’t think I will,” he said.
“Oh, don’t be a big old sourpuss,” she scolded. “It ain’t my fault. I told ya the dungeon was just games.”
“Yeah, but I thought they were combat games.” He shook his head as he lifted his pack to follow the big golem. “And don’t you remember what Vizzingbelle said? Some of the other students are dying. It doesn’t feel right.”
“If you want, I can ask Bluto to attack you?”
He shuddered at the thought. “No, that’s alright.”
“See?” She patted his cheek. “Everything’s fine. Just relax. This is gonna be the best dungeon ever. You’ll see. Right, ladies?”
“Definitely,” Selma said with a grin.
Mila took his other hand and hummed happily as they were led past the ruin he’d planned to spend the night. And into another where a small mountain of rubble was piled in the center.
Gears groaning, Bluto lifted the boulders one by one and sent them sailing out into the forest beyond. The titanic strength only made Milo feel more nervous about it.
As it worked, the big golem suddenly started to make noises.
At first, it was just a couple of beeps.
Then it chattered its gears.
After a little while, Milo started to notice it was a pattern. A steady rhythm of beeps, whistles, and clattering gears.
“Is he singing?” Milo asked softly.
“Yup,” Mila whispered back. “He’s pretty good!”
Selma nodded, wiping at her eyes. “It’s beautiful.” Then she blinked at the others. “What? It is!”
“Ya little softie,” Tania mumbled, gently punching her arm.
“I can’t help it,” Selma said, still wiping tears. Her cheeks blushed. “I feel so emotional lately.”
“Tch,” Tania grinned. “Milo turned ya into a softie. Maybe we oughtta retire ya to the kitchen. Ya can make him muffins every day instead.”
“Really?” Selma blinked away some more tears. “Can I?”
“Don’t be a ditz.”
“Oh. Alright.”
Bluto kept singing as it worked. Though Milo couldn’t understand what was so attractive about the noise, he had to admit there was a feeling of something profound in the muted tone.
Mila sniffed and wiped her nose on the cuff of his coat.
His coat that she was still wearing.
He rolled his eyes, but didn’t say anything.
Tania took his arm and leaned close to his ear. “Don’t worry, Milo. I ain’t getting soft in the head. I’m here for ya.”
“Thanks,” he muttered back as the golem finally tossed the last boulder out and revealed a large stone door in the floor.
Leading to a basement?
Leaning down, the golem grabbed two heavy iron rings and pulled the doors open. They revealed a staircase that disappeared into the gloom below.
“Come on,” Tania said, pulling a handkerchief out of her pack and passing it to Selma on her way past.
Selma took the handkerchief and blew her nose.
“So romantic,” Selma murmured. Then she gave Bluto a pat as she went past. “Thank you, Bluto. Your voice is so gorgeous.”
Feeling lost, confused, and somewhat out of his depth, Milo followed Tania down into the dark.
His eyes quickly adjusted, and they didn’t need to go far. The damp cellar was fairly small, and another large stone door blocked their way. They waited as Bluto came slowly down the stairs.
The golem paused at the doors.
Gave Tania a low groan.
Which she shrugged at. “We’ll be fine,” she said.
“What should be fine?” Milo asked.
“He was worried about ya, is all.”
“What for?” Milo looked immediately to the ceiling, but couldn’t see any panels that might drop traps.
“He wanted to know if you can swim,” Mila said, clutching his arm. “He didn’t want you to drown.”
“Drown?” Milo looked to Tania, who gave the other a golem a shake of her head.
“Don’t tell him that,” Tania admonished. “It’s supposed to be a surprise!”
“I’m sorry,” Mila squeaked, burying her head in Milo’s shoulder. “I didn’t mean it!”
“I don’t really feel like drowning,” Milo said drily. “So, it’d be nice if you could tell me what’s going on.”
“It’s nothing!” Tania said, shooting Mila another scowl. “It’s just sometimes you humans can’t swim, see? He was worried about it. You know golems. Even a puddle of water makes them antsy.”
“Right,” Milo said, feeling suspicious.
“It’s alright, Milo,” Selma said from behind him. “I’m here to protect you from the nasty water.”
“See?” Tania grinned. “Selma’s here! Open it up, Bluto!”
The golem let out a wheezing moan and then pushed the doors open. As they opened, bright sunny light streamed into the cellar room.
And Milo looked out to a physically impossible sight.
A vast landscape of mountains and lakes spanned out forever beyond a long wide platform of granite and marble. Cut into the platform was a long pool which stretched from end to end.
The blue water glittered under the sky.
The sky which was under the cellar.
Milo looked up.
Looked back at the cellar.
Pointed.
“But the sky…”
“Don’t think about it, Milo. It’s a game remember? It ain’t real,” Tania said, throwing down her pack. Selma and Mila did the same. She then started to strip. “Swim?”
He looked from her to the other two golems who were also taking their clothes off.
This wasn’t right.
This dungeon was supposed to test their suitability in a hostile domain. He should be hunkered down, veins filled with adrenaline and fear. He should be sweating and tired while ruthless golems hunted him in the shadows of the ruins above his head.
He looked up at the sky again.
The impossible sky.
It looked so real.
Everything looked so real.
Especially the cool water.
He blinked, discovering three very naked golems standing in front of him and wearing only two smirks and a shy smile.
He sucked in a deep breath.
Held it.
Blew it out through tight lips and nodded.
Reaching up to the buttons on his shirt, he shrugged.
“Sure,” he said. “Why not?”