Chapter 11 #2
Then, finally, I say, “You know she’s terrified every time something happens to you, right?”
Felix laughs humorlessly. “That’s kind of the problem.”
I glance toward him. Felix keeps staring ahead, eyes fixed on nothing in particular.
“She gave up everything for me,” he mutters quietly. “College, jobs, relationships.” His jaw tightens. “She’s twenty-eight and still stuck with me.”
The raw guilt in his voice catches me off guard. I don’t know why I thought he’d be too young to withhold such immense emotion and pain. After all, when I was his age, my problems did appear to be the biggest issues in the world.
This can’t be easy for him.
“She doesn’t see it that way.”
“You don’t know her,” he mutters.
“No,” I admit quietly.
Not yet.
But one day I hope to change that. I have to because lately it seems like the version of Roxanne Sinclair I thought I knew doesn’t exist.
Felix picks at a loose thread on his hoodie sleeve. “People act like she’s dramatic or bossy or whatever, but she literally does everything herself.” His voice roughens slightly. “And I just keep making things worse.”
Something uncomfortable presses heavily against my ribs again. Finally, I understand Roxanne a little more than I did before. Her need to achieve perfection and control stems from catering to someone else from such a young age.
The endless need to hold everything together.
According to the files I have on her, they lost their parents in an accident seven years ago.
My gut clenches when I remember that it’s around the same time we met in college. Was that the reason she was trying to approach me? Because she needed help?
Yet I cruelly sent her away. No wonder she hates my guts now.
“She loves you,” I say finally.
Felix scoffs softly. “Yeah. That’s also a problem. If she didn’t, she’d have just abandoned me in some foster home. If only she’d do that.
“No,” I correct quietly. “You know you’re the reason she survives all of it.”
He finally looks at me then. Maybe because I’m not giving him empty reassurance or fake sympathy, some of the tension in his expression eases slightly.
“She’s still mad.”
“She’s scared,” I say. “There’s a difference.”
Silence settles between us for a moment before I add, “What happened at school?”
Felix hesitates. Then mutters, “Some guy kept talking crap about Roxy.”
My jaw tightens instantly.
“What kind of crap?”
“Apparently, his brother went to college with her. He says that she was a gold-digger because she only dated rich men.” His face darkens immediately. “Then he said she’s only able to keep me in school because she must be making use of her body.”
Something cold settles heavily beneath my skin.
Interesting.
Because suddenly I want the names of several teenage boys, and I can’t even begin to think of what I plan to do with them when I get them. That right there is the proof that I’ve officially gone nuts.
Felix exhales sharply. “I know I shouldn’t have hit him.”
“No,” I say calmly. “You probably shouldn’t have.”
But I’m not sure I wouldn’t have tried to hit the scrawny boys myself. Maybe it’s a good thing Felix already handled them after all.
He glances sideways at me suspiciously. “But?”
“But I understand why you did.”
A reluctant grin almost appears on his face before disappearing again. I pull out one of my business cards and hand it over.
Felix blinks. “Why are you giving me this?”
“If anyone bothers you again, call me.”
“Seriously?”
“Seriously.” I smile.
“You’re kind of scary.”
“I’m aware.”
That finally earns a laugh from him. I chuckle, the tension in my shoulders loosening up a bit as we both fall into comfortable conversation.
By the time we walk back toward the apartment building together, some of the heaviness between us has eased. Roxanne is waiting outside their apartment door when we step off the elevator.
The second she sees Felix, relief crashes visibly across her face. Then guilt immediately follows it.
“Felix—”
“Sorry,” he says at the exact same time.
Roxanne blinks, tears pulling at the corner of her eyes.
Damn! The sight does something strange to me. I have the strangest urge to move closer and wipe her tears clean. The thought of seeing her cry for any reason suddenly makes me angry.
Felix shoves his hands awkwardly into his hoodie pockets. “I know you were just worried.”
“And I know I nag,” she says shakily. “I’m trying not to. I just?—”
“I know.”
That’s all it takes to break the dam. Roxanne pulls him into a fierce hug instantly, while Felix pretends to hate it for approximately two seconds before hugging her back just as tightly.
I look away automatically.
The intimacy of the moment feels strangely personal to witness. Something warm and unfamiliar settles low in my chest anyway.
For the first time since meeting Roxanne Sinclair, I’m seeing the parts of her she keeps hidden from everyone else. Somehow, that version of her affects me even more.
I take a step back toward the elevator quietly, intending to leave them alone until warm fingers wrap around my hand.
I glance down sharply at Roxanne’s slender form and around mine.
Her eyes are still slightly glassy when she looks up at me.
“Thank you,” she says softly.
The sincerity in her voice melts my heart. No one has thanked me like that in a very long time.
And standing there with her hand holding mine gently, the knot in my heart softens toward her in a way that feels far more dangerous than lust ever did.