Chapter 21
Asher
The silence feels different from the dozens we've shared before. It isn't charged with irritation or attraction or one of our usual verbal sparring matches. It's heavier than that.
Roxanne stands near the kitchen island, her grocery bags abandoned on the counter. A strand of blonde hair has escaped her ponytail and fallen across her cheek. Her expression is composed, but I know her well enough now to recognize the tension beneath it.
She's hurt. My jaw tightens as I approach her.
Tristan's words keep replaying in my head. He'd called her a whore as though a fraud like him had the right to.
The memory alone makes me want to punch him again. I hate the mere fact that she had to listen to something like that.
I drag a hand through my hair and exhale slowly. “I'm sorry.”
The words sound strange coming from me, and I wonder why I don’t say that more often. I surely have a lot to apologize to Roxanne for.
Roxanne blinks. “What?”
“I'm apologizing.”
She studies me carefully, as though trying to determine whether I've suffered a head injury. A few months ago, I probably would've deserved that suspicion.
I walk closer. “I'm sorry for what he said.”
She squints at me as pain flickers across her eyes. She quickly covers it up with amusement.
“It's fine.”
“No, it's not,” I say, shaking my head. “Nothing about that was okay.”
Her gaze drops briefly to the marble countertop. “I've heard worse.”
The quietness in her voice bothers me more than anger would have. Nobody should sound that accustomed to being insulted.
I lean against the opposite side of the island and look directly at her.
“After I paid off the debt, I started looking deeper into Tristan,” I say. Her eyes lift to mine. I continue before I can lose my nerve. “I wanted to understand how you ended up involved with that debt.”
A faint wince crosses her face. The urge to reach out and smooth the lines on her face engulfs me. I manage to stop myself before I do something she’d hate.
“It wasn't difficult to find things once I started digging.”
Roxanne folds her arms. “What things?”
I hold her gaze, feeling even worse than when I learned of all these things from the investigator.
“I found evidence linking Tristan to your debt. He accrued debt from his gambling addiction and used the money to pay a part of that.”
Her expression hardens instantly. She slides onto one of the chairs and rests her head on one of her arms. She doesn’t say a word, but the relief in her eyes is evident.
“I told you.”
“I know,” I say, reaching out to her. “I’m sorry for not believing you. What’s crazier is that you’re not the only one he’s done this to. I don’t know how it escaped my notice.”
Roxanne sits up, eyes widening in shock. I can practically see the moment she realizes where this is going.
I continue anyway. “There were two women before you. He dated them and took loans in their identity. One of them currently works for Blackthorne as a means to pay off the debt.”
Roxanne goes pale. Neither of us says anything for a second. Then she lets out a humorless laugh.
“What a scumbag!” The bitterness in her voice twists something inside my chest. “They both ended up carrying debt they didn't create.”
I nod.
“Were you able to find evidence for the other ladies?” She asks eagerly, leaning closer.
I smile. “Yes. We should be able to get them both out of their current situations. It’s the least I can do for not monitoring my brother better.”
“It’s not your job to monitor him. He’s an adult.”
I swallow down the lump in my throat as I study her.
Even now, Roxanne is concerned about the two other women. How did I ever look at her and assume the worst about her? I’m even more of a scumbag than Tristan is.
Yet, she’s had to carry such a heavy weight with her these past few months. And it's so clear in her eyes that she blames herself.
The ugly reality is that none of this happened because she was foolish or careless or naive. It happened because Tristan made a habit of hurting people.
A surge of anger rises inside me all over again. I should've looked into this sooner. I should've listened and believed her sooner.
If I’m wrong about this, I can’t even begin to imagine all the other things I’ve done wrong to her.
Roxanne stares at the counter for several long moments before speaking.
“Well.” She shrugs, letting out a dry laugh. “I guess that makes me feel slightly less stupid.”
“You were never stupid.”
Her head snaps up. The force of my response seems to surprise both of us. I hold her gaze longer, unable to look away from that sea of blue eyes.
“You trusted someone,” I say calmly. “He abused that trust. So this isn’t your fault or any of the others.”
A hint of vulnerability flashes through her eyes before she looks away.
I know that feeling all too well. Trusting the wrong person and paying for it afterward. The difference is that Roxanne somehow kept choosing kindness despite it.
I chose cynicism. And somewhere along the way, that cynicism became a weapon, mostly against her. The truth leaves a bitter taste in my mouth.
“Roxanne.”
She glances back at me. I take in a deep breath as I prepare myself.
“I owe you another apology,” I say softly.
Confusion flickers across her face as she raises a brow. I understand why. Most people don't get one apology from me, and here she is getting several. However, she’s the one person I’ve hurt the most in this world.
“I believed terrible things about you,” I begin. The words come out slowly. “I judged you before I knew anything about you, and I’m so sorry.”
Her expression softens slightly.
“Growing up, I watched women manipulate the men around me for money using any means they could, especially their children.”
My throat tightens unexpectedly. Memories I normally keep buried begin clawing their way to the surface. I didn’t think I’d ever tell anyone about this so conveniently.
“My mother was just like that,” I admit. “Maybe she wasn’t a bad person, but she always cared more about her comfort and how to use me to siphon more money from my dad than she cared about me.”
Roxanne listens quietly. Her eyes narrow, and I notice her inch closer to me. The action surprises me because she has spent the last few weeks trying to avoid my presence.
“She’d come when she needed money and disappear once she’d gotten it. And my dad was always weak against her.”
I always hated that about him. I didn’t understand how one can be so spineless just because of a beautiful woman. Although now I don’t think I can fault him because I totally get it.
“The last time I ever saw her was when the family was facing a financial crisis. She left after taking all she could from what we had left,” I say calmly, which is a deep contrast to the pain I still feel. “I haven’t heard from her since.”
A bitter laugh escapes me. The old anger is still there. Although it's less sharp than it once was, it is present nonetheless.
“Ever since, I spent years convincing myself that everyone wanted something from me. I’ve always scrutinized everyone who approached me either for friendship or a romantic relationship.”
Roxanne's eyes soften. I hate how much comfort I find in that look.
“So when I met you...” I shake my head. “You fit a narrative I'd already written in my head and treated you as such.”
Her expression grows sad. It’s different from the anger I expected. However, this is somehow worse.
“I saw what I expected to see. A beautiful woman who clearly gets by on her looks.” The confession feels ugly. “But I was wrong about you. I apologize, Roxanne.”
The words hang in between us, and I spend the next few seconds drowning in Roxanne’s eyes. The emotions swirling in them are ones I can’t explain, but they gnaw at my heart.
For a while, neither of us speaks, then Roxanne laughs softly. She dabs at the corner of her eyes, looking away from me. When she faces me again, she’s smiling gently.
“I always wondered what it’d be like to see you take your own words back,” she teases, chuckling quietly. “Although I never really expected you to apologize. In fact, I was convinced you’d continue to think the worst of me forever.”
I flinch at the words, but I couldn’t argue with her. I’ve been so close-minded and mean to her for no other reason than my own trauma.
“I understand if you aren’t able to forgive me.”
The smile fades gradually from her face. A different emotion takes its place. One that's far more dangerous: hurt.
She looks down briefly before quietly saying, “That depends. Are you also apologizing for breaking my heart back then?”
I raise a brow, wondering what she means by that. I’m about to ask, but Roxanne beats me to it.
“The night we first met, you still didn’t realize how much you hurt me then,” she says softly.
The words bring back memories of that night seven years ago. I rudely rejected her and sent her away when she approached me. Despite how many times I remember that night, I never thought of it past the surface.
Now that I look at it, I remember how her bright smile had died the moment I said those hurtful words to her. The pain in her eyes as she quietly backed away from me fills my mind.
“Roxanne, I?—”
“You were the first person I ever liked that way. I spent all my years in high school with my nose to a book because I wanted to beat the stereotype my face put me in,” she says calmly.
I notice her tugging at the hem of her shirt.
“So when I got to college, I thought I’d finally give a relationship a try, but with my first attempt, I realized that I can’t change what people think of me. ”
Not only did I break her heart, but I also ruined what should have been a beautiful moment for her. I can’t even begin to imagine how she must have felt.
Even now, her eyes tell me she still thinks about that moment with pain.
If I also think of how she also filled in for her parents during that period and was raising Felix on her own, she must have been so heartbroken.
“I’m so sorry, Roxanne. I can’t argue for myself and say I didn’t know better. I should have,” I say, reaching out to her. Roxanne doesn’t shrug my hand off. “I shouldn’t have treated you that way. I regret it deeply, and I’m sorry.”
Her eyes glisten faintly. I hate seeing that with unshed tears. I lightly dab some from the corner of her eyes before it falls.
“If I could change it, I would,” I say gently.
Heaven knows I’ve never wanted anything more than that. I keep looking back at her night and wondering if things would have been different if I’d just been a little nicer.
Maybe we’d have a better relationship now, and maybe she’d have never had the misfortune of meeting Tristan and getting betrayed this way.
Roxanne looks at me for a long moment before she shakes her head. A faint smile tugs at the corner of her lips.
“Well.” She folds her arms. “I'll think about forgiving you.”
Relief loosens something in my chest as I manage a soft smile. I narrow my eyes, leaning closer to her.
“You'll think about it?”
She nods. “I need time.”
“How much time?”
Her smile widens. “A lot.”
“Roxanne.”
“Possibly years.”
I huff out a laugh despite myself. The sound feels foreign. It’s the kind of laugh I don't usually make. And suddenly she's smiling too. It’s a real smile that reaches her eyes.
The kind of smile I would probably burn cities down to see again.
Hell, what is she doing to me?
Neither of us notices the distance disappearing until we’re barely inches from each other. Or maybe we both noticed, and neither of us cared to stop it.
Her gaze drops briefly to my mouth and returns to my eyes. The air between us changes as warmth fills me.
For once, there are no misunderstandings between us, except for the pregnancy issue, but I don’t want to bring that up right now because it's another can of worms of my ridiculous actions. Right now, it feels like we’re closer than ever.
Roxanne reaches up slowly. Her fingers brush my jaw. The touch is so gentle it nearly undoes me.
“You know,” she says softly, “for someone so smart, you're incredibly stupid.”
I laugh. “That's fair.”
Her smile widens as she leans closer and kisses me. The contact is light. It's nothing like our previous kisses, but it spreads warmth through me. Without thinking much of it, I kiss her back slowly, careful enough not to let her break.
When she finally pulls away, her forehead rests briefly against mine. For the first time in years, maybe ever, the constant noise inside my head goes quiet. And standing here with Roxanne in my arms, I realize something terrifying.
Somewhere along the way, this stopped being about attraction. I don't know exactly when it happened. But I know one thing with absolute certainty. I'm already in far deeper than I ever intended to be.