Chapter 17
LILIANA
Markus isn’t at the bakery when I push the door open.
I’m freezing, but the cold doesn’t reach me.
It just lies over my skin like a thin sheet of ice, not enough to numb me to what’s real.
I’m frozen inside out, still reeling from running into Anton Sokolov mere moments after a pregnancy test told me I’m carrying his child.
The shock stuns me stupid, and I stumble back into the bakery, too impatient to be graceful about it.
Hot air hits me hard the second I’m inside.
The familiar clatter of the mixers and the hum of the ovens and refrigerators reach me, but in this daze, none of it registers past the low drone of my pulse.
It whooshes, too loud, deafening in my head, drowning out every other sense.
My vision is blurred because I can’t latch on to one thing to focus on.
My sense of touch is off, my skin still prickling from the cold air outside, from rushing out of here without a coat.
And my sense of smell—
“Oh, God.” I gulp and strain to breathe through the urgency of needing to vomit again.
It’s the odor of something too sweet from the dough being prepped for early tomorrow morning. It’s the crash from the adrenaline roller coaster of seeing Anton. And it’s the stress that I’m carrying a child I’m not prepared for—at all.
“Liliana!” Jenni spots me at once and dashes toward me. “Are you all right?”
I swallow hard, desperate to get back out again. She’ll expect an explanation, but I can’t stomach another moment in here. Margarita was right. I do need a nap, or something like it, to shake off everything today has thrown at me.
“I…” A lie won’t form on my tongue for her.
I’m so far from all right I can’t imagine finding my way back.
“I just want to go.” That’s the truth, every part of it.
“I need to go and…” I lick my lips, my mouth and throat so dry.
Water sounds heavenly, but I refuse to stay here and try to relax.
Or to tell her everything that’s going on.
Because this is Jenni, and because she’s that good of a friend who can read me so well, she nods quickly and turns toward the counter. “Rob? Can you close and lock up?”
“Sure, sure. Like, for overtime pay, right?”
I cringe at more expenses. Jenni and I usually stay late to prep for the mornings because we don’t pay ourselves overtime. Just like my parents never did.
“Yeah. Whatever.” Jenni ushers me toward the back, pausing at the office to snag our coats. I lean on her, feeling so dependent just to make it to her apartment. But she’s there for me. Holding me up, not demanding answers.
It’s only a temporary reprieve, though. She’ll want to know everything, but she holds off until we reach her apartment. As soon as I’ve showered and dressed in comfy sweats, I slump onto the couch that’s been my bed these past two months.
I cover my face with both hands and sigh. When I lower them, she’s seated on the coffee table watching me warily. A bottle of water is in her hand, held out to me.
“I’m pregnant.”
She blinks once. Then twice. As her mouth drops and she stares at me, clearly shocked, I wince and hate how bad this is going to sound.
I’m not ashamed to have had sex. After the shitty time I had with Roman, for way too long, I’m proud to know I’m not frigid or broken, and that sex can be phenomenal with the right man. But the taboo details of the man I’d deemed right, in the heat of the moment? That’s going to be harder to share.
“You’re carrying Roman’s baby?” she whispers, scandalized.
“No!” I jerk back and shake my head. “No, no, no. No!” A nervous laugh slips out. “No. Not Roman’s.” I tuck my hair behind my ear. “I got tested and everything after I broke up with him. Like the day after I caught him with Maeve.”
She nods slowly. “That’s right. You did.” She sits, brow furrowed, her expression a mix of worry and something softer, and waits for more. “Then who?”
Here goes.
There’s no point in being too shy to admit the full truth to her. She’s my ally. My support. I’ll hate to think that I’m lying to her at all.
“When I went to the vacation home to get my notebook, um…”
“Yeah. The notebook with the calculations and notes about the delivery idea,” she says.
“Yeah. I skidded on the road and hit a parked car at the estate. It turned out to be Roman’s father’s car. He was there and let me stay. But when the power went out and we kind of started talking…” I raise my brows.
She slaps her hand over her mouth but it doesn’t mask the sound of her gasp. “No.”
“Yes.”
“You slept with Roman’s father?” she asks, full shock on her face.
“I did. And now I’m…” I roll my hand, letting her fill in the gaps in her head.
“You’re pregnant with Anton Sokolov’s baby?” She shoots to her feet and paces, holding her hair back. “I can’t—This is—Oh, my God, Lili!”
I cringe. “I know. It’s unexpected.”
“You mean you didn’t even use protection?” She practically screeches it. But she’s not judging. I hear the shock more than any criticism.
“No.” I shake my head. “It just happened and…” I lower my gaze, feeling slightly more human to talk about it and share this secret.
I can trust her with it, and in talking to her, I can start processing this news, fully, on my own.
“And I never thought I’d see him again. Or Roman.
” I lift my head and continue. “I didn’t even know he was Roman’s father when we fell into bed.
I thought he was just a guard or soldier or something. ”
“Didn’t he know who you—Oh. No, he wouldn’t have. Roman never brought you to anything.”
I nod slowly. “I think he assumed I was a guest of the house at some time. I realized who he was in the morning, and I told him that I had been with Roman, and…”
“And that was the end of it?”
I wince.
She gasps. “You slept with him again after you both knew that?”
“Like I said, I didn’t think I’d ever see him again. It happened. It was over. I never intended to reach out to him.”
“Well, it’s too late for that!” She flings her arms out as she paces. “Markus works for the Sokolovs!”
“I didn’t make that connection before,” I admit.
“I knew he was someone Roman knew, but I thought it was independent somehow, through a firm only.” Before she can ask any more questions, I continue.
“When we were in the office, it hit me that I’m late.
And then I thought back to how I’ve been feeling and I panicked.
So I rushed out to get a test and I took it at CVS.
Then on my way back, Anton was just there. ”
She pauses to face me, frowning. “He stormed in and asked Markus where you were. I was so confused.”
“Sorry.” I almost hang my head again but I stay strong and face her. “I saw him on the sidewalk and I was still so shocked that I’m pregnant that I didn’t know what to say to him.”
“So he doesn’t know?”
I huff a harsh laugh. “No. I can barely wrap my head around it, let alone share the news with him.”
“Then what was he there for?”
I shake my head. “I don’t know. He heard me over the phone in the background, when he called Markus. He said he wanted to see me. Or he still does. I don’t know.” I shove my hair back and frown. “I have no clue what to tell him. If anything.”
“You’re going to hide this from him?” she asks.
“From everyone.” I swallow hard. “Except you.”
She cringes. “Oh, God…”
“Please. Don’t tell my parents.”
She scowls. “It’s not something you can hide forever.”
“Just for now. Until I figure out how to adapt and accept this and, I don’t know.
I need to think it through. Anton. The bakery.
The loan. Everything.” Listing it proves how horribly complicated my life is, but deep down, I can’t regret this baby.
I can’t smother the love and joy already blooming at the thought of a child to cherish.
“Just for now,” she replies as she sits, her expression a mix of worry and resignation.
“For now.” I nod, as if that makes it final.
That night, I sleep terribly, tossing and turning with how I’ll manage this.
The next morning, I’m unnerved to find Sokolov men following Jenni and me to the bakery, even at the ungodly hour we start.
Over the next few days, it’s clear Anton is stalking me now. He doesn’t show himself, but he presses on me anyway, his men tracking my every move.
Jenni grows more anxious about the suited men at the periphery of our lives.
My parents notice too, when they check in through the security cameras at the front door. They ask why these men keep passing by, and I scramble for enough lies to wave it off.
By the end of the first week after learning that I’m pregnant, I’m no closer to knowing what to do. The only steps I’ve taken are to schedule my first checkup and to purchase vitamins. And I’m more than confident about one thing: I won’t cave.
No matter what Anton wants to do, I refuse to let another man control my life.
Not through meeting his expectations.
Not through this loan with the ever-changing terms.
That’s the only mantra that I can cling to and stay sane as I work endlessly at the bakery.
I will not let anyone tell me what to do with my life. Ever again. It’s the strength I need to bank on as I consider I’m not fighting for my own independence, but for my child’s too.
I can’t forget about Anton’s comments at the mansion, how unsatisfied he is with the prospect of Roman being his son and heir. Of course he’d be disappointed in him. But I won’t allow him to see my child as a thing for him to build his future on.
I won’t budge on my decision to avoid Anton.
But the next afternoon, when I leave the bakery to drop something off at the post office, I run into Roman and prove it’s not so easy to shut him out of my life either.
“Liliana.” He faces me as he comes down the sidewalk, and his focus is too deliberate for me to believe we’re happening to encounter each other like this through chance alone.
He’s here because he is looking for me.
Dammit.
I turn to walk another way, glad the warm front means the sidewalks are only wet with rain, not snow and ice.
“Liliana, wait!” He jogs after me, catching up and cutting off my path.
I cross my arms and stare him down.
“I just want to talk. And see you.” He smiles slightly when he notices I’m hearing him out this much. “Because I am hoping you’ll take me back.”
You’ve got to be kidding me.
“Or well…” He smiles wider and rubs his jaw. “It’s more like if you’ll give me a chance to take you back, since you left me, but—”
I scowl. “I left you because you cheated.”
“Okay, that’s in the past though. We can—”
“There is no we,” I bite out.
“There could be.”
I scoff. “With Maeve, too?”
“No.” He glances to the side, seeming uncomfortable. “No. Things aren’t going so well with her and…” He shrugs. “So I was hoping that you and I could pick up where we left off and all.”
“You’re still with her, and you have the audacity to see me as a backup?” I laugh once, because I don’t have the energy to scream.
“It’s not like that.”
“No? This is what it’s always like. You wanting what you want and pouting when you can’t have it.” I push past him. “No, Roman,” I call back over my shoulder. “Never.”
A bubble of laughter teases me as I wonder how he’d react with this pathetic plea to take him back if he were to know I’m carrying his brother or sister.
“Liliana!” he calls out once with that expectant tone that I’ll heed his wishes.
I lift my hand and flip him off without looking back.
One of these days, before this baby comes, I’ll need to fully master the fine art of avoiding all Sokolov men.