Chapter Nineteen
Angus sighed as he held Selina in his arms, the lichen covered stones of the ruin looming over them.
They were both fully clothed, and although they had been kissing, that was as far as it had gone.
Now Selina turned her head to look at him, raising her eyebrows.
“Whatever is the matter? Are you imagining Cromwell slighting the castle?”
He snorted. “No, I am wondering what I will do when I go home,” he said disingenuously. “I am thinking about how lonely I will be without you.”
Selina grinned at him. “Oh, is there an alternative to you going home and being lonely?”
He grinned back. “I can kidnap you and ride north with you as my hostage. Does that appeal to you, Selina?”
She thought about it. “I think it does. I have never been kidnapped before, but I am willing to try it.”
“It would be something to tell our children.”
He felt her go still and then it was Selina who sighed. “I wish I could give you your wish, but I told you before, I’m not sure children are possible at my age, Angus.”
Angus, realizing he had said the wrong thing, hurried to reassure her. “I don’t need children, Selina. I need you, only you. I’m sorry if I made you think . . .”
She patted the hand that rested around her and leaned her head back on his broad shoulder. “It is all right. I understand. You must find someone younger. I would not have you pining for something that cannot be.”
Angus knew he could brush the words aside, go on with their pleasant interlude, but he had realized over the past days that he did not want to live a life without her. Returning to Bonnyrigg without Selina was not to be borne.
“Let me be clear,” he said.
She looked up at him with big, worried eyes. “About what?”
“If children are no’ possible then I am at peace with that. It is you I want, my love.”
“Me?” she squeaked.
“I have lived my life to the full, and I thought I would continue on with that until I was on my deathbed. But I found you, and I know I canna let you go. Will you have me, Selina? Will you marry me? I know it is no’ something you can do without considering Miss Armstrong and your life here in London, and you maybe think you are taking a risk.
But I am dependable and loyal, and I would treat you verra well. ”
The truth of his words rang out, and Selina had tears in her eyes as she answered just as seriously. “Thank you, Angus. I want . . . I will have to think on it, but I want to say yes.”
He smiled and leaned in to smack his lips against hers.
“There is something more I must tell you,” she said, and now she seemed nervous.
“My fiancé who died . . . We were waiting for the wedding night to—to be together. And there has been no one since who I trusted enough to allow . . . Well, I am a virgin, Angus. Does that put you off? I understand if you might want a woman with more experience.”
He stared and then he laughed. “You think I would refuse you because o’ that? Selina, you are giving me a gift! I promise I will be gentle and patient. I have learned much over the years and now I know it was for a reason. It was for you.”
He held her close, promising he would love her and show her how much she meant to him.
“How can I leave Penelope?” she said at last, as they were preparing to return to the picnic. They had made certain to give the other couple enough time together. As Angus and Selina were well aware, they would be doing more than taking lessons on etiquette.
Angus wasn’t sure how to answer her. He had his own worries when it came to Callum.
A brief affair had turned into a problem.
He was aware that the lad had fallen head over heels in love.
Selina had said she was sure that her mistress felt the same, but Angus did not know Miss Armstrong as well as her maid did.
What hope did they have? Penelope’s reputation was in tatters and it was doubtful Maxwell MacKenzie would welcome her into his castle.
Angus had noticed he sometimes had strong opinions on the subject of fallen women—a step back into his Calvinist past—and rather hypocritical when you thought about it.
Angus thought that Luna would be more likely to agree to a union with Penelope.
If Callum was happy, then she would overlook the obstacles.
Maxwell . . . well, he was another matter.
And Angus just knew he would be the one who got the blame. He had looked away for just a moment, seen Selina and been distracted. He had misjudged Callum’s feelings for Miss Armstrong, and now this was the consequence.
Thank the lord that the lessons would only last another two days and then it would be over.
The Countess of Strathmore’s ball was fast approaching.
Callum would be upset, yes, the lad had a soft heart, but he would just have to learn that not everything had a happy ending.
Or at least the ending he wanted. Life was a matter of compromises, Angus told himself, refusing to consider that he was not making one himself when it came to Selina.
Relieved that his problems might soon be over, Angus turned his attention back to his lady love.