Chapter 51
Kurt
Driving back to my apartment is a sad and lonely journey. I turn on the radio to try to distract myself. My favorite song is on but it doesn’t make me feel any better. I look down at the cup holder beside me and that stupid ring stares back at me, mocking me. I don’t know what I was thinking, giving that to her. None of this was real so why did I think it was a good idea to give her a real ring? I’m so stupid.
My phone starts ringing and I feel my heart leap. Maybe it’s her, maybe she’s calling me to tell me that she made a mistake. I curse myself trying to get my thoughts under control. Damn, I really like this girl.
“Hello?” I pick up the phone without looking at the caller ID, not wanting to be let down right away.
“Hi, sweetie.” It’s my mom. I let out a breath, relaxing a little. I haven’t heard from her in a while and I forget how she was able to calm me down.
“Hey, mom. How are you?”
“I’m well. How are you, honey?” I hear noise in the back of her call but she shushes whoever it is and exits the room. The background once again goes quiet.
I clear my throat, trying to keep the sigh from escaping my lips. If I sigh, she will know something is going on and it’s too soon for me to talk about it, let alone talk to her about it. “I’m okay, Mom. Just tired. I had the day off today but I think I’m going to head into work later.” I tell her the silly things that don’t seem to matter anymore and she seems happy with my response.
“You had the day off? That’s wonderful. Did you and Juliana do something special? How is Juliana? Is she there with you right now?” She sounds so happy and curious about Juliana, I know I can’t tell her what happened. Not yet at least.
“No, Mom, she isn’t here right now,” I say and leave it at that hoping she won’t push the conversation. I can hear her little sigh, annoyed that I won’t give more details but she doesn’t say anything more on the subject.
“Will you two be available to come to dinner tonight?” She asks, hopefully.
I rub my hand over my eyes and try to navigate through the traffic while navigating around my mother’s questions. “I don’t think Juliana will be able to make it. Maybe another time.” I promise and instantly feel guilty for lying to my mother. “I’m free tonight if you’ll have me.” I tease her a bit trying to cheer both of us up.
She laughs and agrees. “Yes, do come. Your sister will be here too. We haven’t had a family dinner in a while. It’ll be fun!” She says cheerily. “Oh, I know just what to make! Or what I want your dad to make.” She laughs and then goes on talking about the different dishes she wants my dad to make and I tune her out, focusing on the road in front of me. When I pull into the parking garage of my apartment building, she switches to the topic of what to serve at the wedding, and I feel my heart falling apart all over again.
“Kurt?...Kurt?... Are you there? Did you hear me?” I turn off my car and pick up my phone, putting it to my ear.
“Sorry, what did you say?” I pretend to have not heard her and keep the pain out of my voice. I’m not ready to talk about Juliana let alone the wedding that will never be and never was going to be.
“I asked what Juliana would like to serve at the reception. Have y’all talked about it yet? You should probably start looking for a caterer.” She is about to continue rambling but I cut her off.
“Hey Mom, I just got back to my apartment, I have to go get ready for work.”
“Oh, okay, honey. We will talk about it more tonight at dinner!” I stifle a groan.
“Okay, Mom. I’ll see you tonight.” I say and then am about to hang up when she speaks again.
“Be here at 6! Love you, honey. Bye.” I tell her I love her too then we both hang up. I sit in my car and take a deep breath. This is not going to be fun.
Getting out of my car, I make my way into the building and up to my apartment to get ready for work. I know I’ll have to deal with this pain tonight but for now I can at least distract myself with my work.
I get ready for work quickly, calling my boss to let him know I’ll be coming in today and he seems grateful. We have a big case and they have been needing help on it. I smile, excited for the distraction then I get in my car and drive to work. When I get to work I toss my things onto my desk and go to the conference room to join the others. We sit at the table for hours working on the case, collecting information, and finding trails that lead to the defendant.
It’s around 5:35 p.m. when we finally find a stopping place for the day. Our boss tells us we did a great job and jokes about bringing us some of his famous donuts the following day. We all laugh thinking of how disgusting those must be considering he is dairy and gluten-free. Then he laughs with us promising to buy some real ones from the store.
I’m packing my things, and checking my watch to make sure I don’t arrive late. When I finish packing, it is 5:45 and I hustle out the door.
“Kurt!” Someone calls and I look over, seeing three of my coworkers headed my way. “Hey, we are all going out for a drink tonight, you should come!”
“Sorry, can’t,” I say, walking backward to my car. “Dinner at my parent’s house. I’m a momma’s boy. Can’t disappoint. Maybe next time!” I wave as they ‘boo’ and tease me, laughing with me. I hop into my car and take off, driving at the speed limit, of course, trying to make it to my parent’s house on time.
I turn on the radio to help distract me, but I can’t keep my mind off of her. Every song that comes on reminds me of her. I have no idea why. I shut off the radio, giving up. Putting my arm on the ledge of the window, I stare at the road.
“What am I going to tell my parents?” I wonder aloud. “Mom is going to be so upset.” I rub my forehead, a headache beginning to form.
Pulling into my parent’s driveway, I see my mother sitting on the front porch talking to my sister. I pull up and park then get out. They stay in their chairs, chatting as I make my way to them. I lean down and hug my mom, kissing her cheek.
“Hi, Mom. Dad inside?” She nods, smiling and waving me inside. I give my sister a hug hello then walk inside leaving them to their conversation. The kitchen is bright with lights and music. Dad is listening to Latino music and dancing around the kitchen. I lean against the door jam and laugh before knocking my fist against the cabinet to gain his attention.
“Hey, Kurt.” He says when he turns to face me, his hips and feet still moving to the beat. I smile and make my way over to the counter, reaching for the platter of sliders. Before I can get one, my hand is whacked with a wooden spoon. “Not yet. But if you help set the table I’ll give you the biggest one.” I laugh and roll my eyes.
“I’m not five anymore, Dad,” I remind him but narrow my eyes. “Fine, the biggest one.” He nods, smiling and then he hands me a couple of dishes to carry into the dining room. I set them down on the table and notice the table is set for five people. My mom probably expected Juliana to come, even though I told her she wouldn’t be able to. I make my way back into the kitchen to grab more dishes. “Jeez, Dad, how many things did you make? And why do you always listen to Latin music when you’re not making anything remotely Latin-related?”
He shrugs and keeps swiveling his hips, making it extra dramatic. I laugh at him. “Okay, okay. Slow down. You’re going to break a hip.’
“How old do you think I am?” He asks, mock offended before going back to a little less dramatic version of his dancing.
“Hey, if you think I’m five then I am allowed to think you’re about a hundred.” He waves me out of the kitchen, as I laugh and bring the rest of the dishes to the table. Walking outside I go to get my mother and sister.
“Hey, guys. Dinner is ready.” I put my hand on my mother’s shoulder and squeeze gently. She smiles up at me.
“We will come in just a minute. Girl talk, sweetie.” I groan slightly then remember I am a grown man.
“Don’t talk for too long. Food is on the table and I am hungry.” I say before making my way back inside to meet my dad as he comes into the dining room.
“They coming?” He asks.
“Girl talk,” I say as an explanation and he nods.
“Ah.” We sit down at the table and as promised, Dad slides the biggest slider onto my plate. I grab two more just in case the one isn’t enough and my dad doesn’t complain as he piles his plate with three as well. I shove the burgers towards a corner of my plate and put a scoop of creamy mashed potatoes onto my plate alongside a helping of fresh-cut green beans. My stomach growls and I glance eagerly towards the door before speaking to my father.
“Do you think they’ll be much longer?” I look back down at my plate of food.
“They don’t have to know we had three burgers on our plates, maybe I didn’t make these extra two…” I grin at my dad and we cover our burgers in a blanket of ketchup before digging in. As soon as our mouths hit the buns, my mother and sister walk through the door, catching us in the act.
“Oh, I know y’all did not start without us.” My mother tsks, shaking her finger at us. My dad and I look at each other and blush sheepishly. My mother just laughs and sits down at the table. “Oh, go ahead. I know you’re still a growing boy.” I am about to protest but given the go-ahead to eat, my stomach growls again reminding me of my priorities and I dig into the juicy burger once again.
Once I’ve dealt with the need to scarf everything down, I slow down and take my time to enjoy the home-cooked meal. The conversation is kept light. My mother and sister have gone back to gossiping and my dad and I are discussing a recent sports game. Or rather, the lack of any good recent games. My mother turns back to me and asks the one question I had been dreading and hoping she would not ask.
“So, Kurt, how is Juliana?” I cough a little, trying to buy some time. “Is she working late tonight? I hope she’s doing alright. I haven’t spoken to her in ages. She did send me a sweet text after she received the dress. I hope you weren’t home for the delivery. It was supposed to be a surprise for both of you.” My mother turns back to me, quiet and looking at me expectantly.
“Unfortunately, I was home,” I say but don’t elaborate. Instead, I address Juliana’s absence. “She’s doing alright. Something just came up last minute. I know she would have loved to be here.” I say, trying to keep my response short but elaborating enough for her to not question further. She looks sad but doesn’t press the issue. The conversation comes to a lull and I stand up, collecting dirty dishes.
After clearing the table, my sister comes into the kitchen to help me put everything away. I stand at the sink, concentrating on getting the burnt pieces of the mashed potatoes off the bowl. My sister comes over and hip-bumps me lightly. I hand her the bowl and she expertly cleans the stain. I lean against the counter trying to figure out how she does it so easily.
“Kurt,” she begins cautiously, making me sigh with annoyance. I don’t want to deal with any more questions about Juliana. “How’s work?” She asks, surprising me. I push myself off the counter and begin to put what little extras we have into containers.
“It’s great. I love my job. We are working on a new case. I was almost late for dinner because I got so caught up in the work. It was really fun.” I love talking about my work and relax a little, grateful for the change in subject. “I went out for drinks with my coworkers the other night. They wanted me to come out again tonight but obviously, I declined.”
“Did they tease you for being such a momma’s boy?” I laugh at how well she knows me. I clip the lids onto the containers then stack them in my arms and swing open the fridge to put them away. I leave out one container, filled with a little bit of everything to take home for another meal for myself.
We poke fun at each other while we finish cleaning the kitchen. When we finish we make our way out to the porch where our parents are sitting. I lean against the porch railing, enjoying the cool breeze while my parents talk quietly. I check my watch and then stand up.
“I should get going. Thank you so much for dinner.” I kiss my mother on the cheek and give my father a firm hug before throwing a fallen leaf at my sister and walking to my car. Maybe I am five years old. I get in my car and drive home, leaving the radio off so I can enjoy the silence.