12. Mia
CHAPTER 12
MIA
I stumble through Fablewood's darkening streets, barely seeing where I'm going through my tears.
Crazy Mia. Too much Mia .
I’m sick of it. That’s what it always comes down to. They like me, I’m fun... “Oh she’s so great.” Until I’m not. It’s the same old story, just with different players. First my mother, then my teachers... and of course the guys, Brad being the latest. Another of the things he said rings in my ears. “You’re exhausting to be around."
I guess he was right. They were all right. I just didn’t want to hear it...
Now even in a magical world full of monsters, I'm still too much.
"At least back home I had learned not to get my hopes up," I mutter, swiping angrily at my cheeks. My bangles jangle mockingly, a discordant reminder of my failed attempts to bring music and joy to this place. "Stupid, stupid, stupid."
Behind me, I hear children's voices.
“Miss Mia! Is rehearsal over? Miss Mia?”
I can't face them right now. And for what... all that is obviously over. Everything is over. The sooner I can get back to the real world... well, the outside world, the better. I quickly duck down an alley, not even knowing what to say to the younglings.
I press my back against the wall and slide down to my butt.
I can’t believe it. The same story again.
Face it. Nobody wants you around Mia.
Except Superpoppilicious. She loves me.
But almost immediately I let out a muffled, bitter laugh.
Who am I kidding? She doesn’t even give me the time of day now.
She's got her Slayer of Tiny Beasts. She’s just fine without me. Better than fine.
Just like Whisper will probably be better off without my "help." Just like Koda will be better off once Hurricane Mia is gone.
My mother's voice echoes in my head: "Why can't you just be normal, sweetie? Why does everything have to be so... dramatic?"
"Because that's who I am, Mom!" I say out loud to the empty back alley. "Or at least... I thought I was." My voice cracks on the last word. No one knows what it’s like to have so much going on inside. And I guess they don’t want to know.
Not even Koda.
The really sucky part is that I really thought he did. The way he looked at me, like I was something precious instead of something to fix... the way I felt so safe in his big hairy arms. My big fur baby.
What a fool I’ve been. Again.
A single tear streams down my cheek.
I will not cry I will not cry.
God knows I’ve done enough of that in my life.
But this time was supposed to be different. I'd finally found somewhere I could be myself - really myself. Where my "too much" could be just enough. Where even a sasquatch chief could love me just for me.
I know I’m a lot. Obviously, mom was right. I am too much.
I pull my knees to my chest, wrapping my arms around them. Some magical fairy tale this turned out to be.
More like a magical shitshow. I have to get out of here. It’s too painful.
The temple.
Right. I'll go back the way I came. There has to be a way. Maybe if I say those words again... or maybe there’s some secret lever or something.
I don’t know, but it’s the best idea I got. If that doesn’t work, I guess I could just start walking – oh wait, no... doom dogs. Whatever... I fight back the tears again.
I can’t take this humiliation another minute.
And I can’t just sit here like an idiot.
Pulling myself together, like it seems I am always doing, I get up and make a break from the alley, heading toward the edge of town where I know the sacred grounds and my potential means of escape to be. Thankfully it’s not long before I plunge once again into the forest.
As I stumble through the trees and undergrowth, my dress seems to catch on every branch.
God, even the plants are against me.
"Let go!" I yank free from a particularly pokey one, tears beginning to stream down my cheeks despite my stoic efforts.
The town behind me and my guard down my mind is starting to run again.
I really thought I was helping.
And I thought Koda would be proud of me! That they would all see the amazing work we were doing.
I was sure they would see it wasn’t just about stupid fun and games like they think.
I mean, it was but...
But not really. It was about the kids, and connection...
The kids were coming out of their shells. Even Whisper...
Oh god, Whisper. I stop, leaning against a tree as the memory of his face when Koda yelled hits me fresh. The way he shrank back - just like I used to when Mom would tell me to "tone it down" in front of company. And I didn’t even say anything. He probably thinks I don’t care! But it all happened so fast... and I just had to get away.
Another wave of self-recrimination hits me.
Wonderful, another thing to feel bad about...
And not to make myself too important, but I can only imagine how this will hurt him too...
"I'm sorry," I whisper to the growing darkness. "I thought I was helping."
Another bitter laugh escapes me.
Some help I am.
Great job, Mia. Really nailed it. Added bonus - you probably ruined things for Zoe and Olivia too.
God, I hope they’ll be okay?
For a moment I consider, should I go back?
And do what? “Help” them by standing between them and a monster mob?
No, if there is one big lesson here, it’s that I need to stop sticking my nose where it’s not wanted.
Their big strong mates will protect them just fine.
Big strong mates. Like Koda. Like he was. My heart goes to him again.
No, I fight it. I can’t afford to break down. I need to get out of here, but a fresh surge of tears blurs my vision nonetheless.
Thankfully, through my tears I make out the mound of the temple ahead, barely recognizable in the growing darkness. I practically fall through the entrance.
I stumble into the temple just as the clouds part, letting moonlight stream through the gaps in the ceiling. The silver beams catch the evocative murals, making the figures almost seem to dance and move in the dim light. For a moment I am mesmerized by the painted scenes – until my eye catches a depiction of a woman dancing with what has to be a bigfoot.
Seriously?
“Stupid mural.” I say into the empty chamber.
As if I need a reminder of why I need to get out of Dodge... or Fablewood, in this case.
With a new grim determination, I begin to pace the interior, scanning the walls...
There must be something...
But I have hardly begun to search when I remember.
Oh - an incantation, right.
For a second, I think back to, what... a few days ago, when I was in that old building. What did I say again?
Right.
"'I heard the call of the wild!'" I announce to the empty chamber in my most authoritative voice. Nothing.
"'I answered the call... and... um, I am ready to return.”
Still nothing.
“I am ready to get the hell out of here!”
Nope.
Ugh.
“I followed my heart and it sucked!
Dammit.
I pace in circles, my bangles jingling with each frustrated step.
Maybe I need to do it with more feeling?
“Please please please send me back!”
Or with gratitude?
“It’s been great... but time to go!”
After trying every combination of words I can think of with all the feels I can muster, I slump against the wall.
Fan-freaking-tastic, now I can’t even get back.
I slide down the wall until I'm sitting on the cold stone floor, and finally let the tears really flow.
"What am I going to do?" I whisper to the moonlit chamber. "I can't stay here, and if I try to start walking those stupid doom dogs will get me..."
The tears come harder now, and I don't try to stop them. Soon deeps sobs are racking my chest. "But, I I I... don't... even... know how to get home... And even if I did... for wwwwhat. To go back to my half-baked life? To just keep adding to failed jobs, failed relationships, and failed attempts to fit in?”
A cloud passes over the moon, plunging the temple into darkness.
So much for the universe having my back.
“Stupid clouds.”
Then for added effect.
“And stupid universe if you are even listening...”
But all that greets me is silence, and my sobs begin anew...