Chapter 32
32
“I’m not staying long at this thing,” Joey said outside the door of the Spanish. “I need to be on the road first thing tomorrow.”
“Okay, Boomer.” But I was having doubts myself: it sounded wild in there.
Once inside, the noise was deafening and the mood riotous. Everyone seemed to be already drunk.
Joey fought his way to the bar, then we hovered uneasily in a corner, drinking too quickly and watching the revellers.
I became aware that he was shifting and twisting his body. “Joey?” I asked. “You okay? Are your Scooby Doo jocks too tight?”
He actually laughed. “I should have bought the Scooby Doo pair. The ones I’m wearing are like what old guys wear to bed in Westerns. The smallest pair were huge, they’ve twisted themselves around my—”
Quickly I said, “We should mingle. We’re not here to enjoy ourselves. Hearts and minds, Joey. Never forget.”
“No need. Job is done.”
“Ten minutes,” I said. “Go and talk to people. Nicely. Meet me back here and we can leave.”
I dived into the throng, encountering several of Monday’s Beardy Glarers. Different story tonight, everyone much friendlier. Each of them shouted, “Can I buy you a drink?” In reply, I yelled, “I’m fine for now.” And kept moving.
Although it wasn’t something to be proud of, I was looking for Ike. Finally, he appeared and smoldered down at me with unfriendly intensity.
“Anna, hey. I buy you a drink?”
“I’ve got one.”
“Never hurts to have a new one lined up.”
This was the most conversation I’d ever had from him.
“I hear you’re shipping out tomorrow?”
“Only Joey,” I yelled up at him. “I’m staying.”
“And there was me planning on breaking another digger just to keep you in town.”
He wasn’t smiling. Perhaps he didn’t know how? But he’d never been so chatty.
Focusing on the front of his plaid shirt, I found myself thinking about unbuttoning it. I could only blame the HRT. Ike was carrying slightly more weight than a judgy doctor might like but it added to his appeal. I’d lie him on his back, I decided. Straddle him. Smooth the palms of my hands over his hairy stomach then move lower, unbuckling his…was there a belt? Oh yes, there was —my mouth literally watered—then a woman in a glittery bomber jacket tumbled against my shoulder. “Sorry,” she yelled, bumping me from my reverie. Surprised by how far I’d drifted, I met Ike’s eyes. His expression was interesting. Extremely so.
He never made any effort to be pleasant. He kept dangling tantalizing information before me, then whipping it away. But I still fancied him. At any age, that was tragic. At mine, even more so. I was disappointed in myself.
“Bye.” I moved away.
“Anna, wait!”
Joey was still in the same quiet corner, looking as if he hadn’t budged.
“Did you mingl—”
“Nope.” Then he grinned.
“Bad Joey.”
“The worst. Finish your drink and let’s get out of here. Hey! While you were at the doctor’s I found Rose’s property on Google Earth. Much bigger than you’d think. We’re talking nine or ten hectares.”
After several seconds had elapsed I ventured to ask, “Joey? Is a hectare bigger or smaller than an acre?”
That entertained him. “Bigger. More than twice the size. The house itself would be listed. Well, probably—”
“Heyyyyyy!” Vivian had found us. “You came.”
“Too scared not to.” Joey wasn’t even trying to be funny.
Vivian tilted her head and suddenly I saw Joey the way she might: the jut of his hip bones; the sly green eyes; the mouth . This estrogen patch had a lot to answer for.
“Soooo.” Vivian was giving it lots of flirty fizz. “I hear you’re leaving tomorrow.”
“Yep. But Anna’s staying.”
She treated me to an approving look. “We’re gonna hang out.” Then renewed her focus on him. “When will you be back?”
“No plans. Except for the launch of the retreat, whenever that is.”
“I’ll miss you. We’ve only just started getting to know each other.”
Should I step away and leave them to it?
“Nothing much to know about me,” Joey said.
“No,” Vivian said. “No, no, no! You’re wrong.” Her tone wheedling, she said, “I really think you should come home with me tonight.”
I flinched. Bad manners, Vivian! Acting like I’m invisible!
…But something was off. “Who, exactly”—Joey’s tone was curious—“are you asking?”
Hold on, what ?
Vivian displayed her teeth. “Both of you.”
Startled, I turned to Joey. Our eyes met; thoughts flew between us like arrows. What the hell…? This is wild! What do you think? Are you going to…?
A thrill of curiosity flamed my body—I could almost feel my naked skin against his—followed immediately by a hot lick of jealousy at sharing him with Vivian. Quick on the heels of that came sanity. Joey Armstrong and I knew faaar too much about each other.
“That’s quite an offer,” Joey said, “and I can’t speak for Anna, but I’ve an early start in the morning…”
Vivian was supremely unbothered. With a cheeky grin, she said, “If you change your mind…” Her focus shifted to me. “Anna?”
Surprised that she was still interested without Joey as part of the package, it took a moment. “Vivian.” I was apologetic. “I think I’m straight.”
“No one is straight.” Her dark eyes twinkled.
“Of course. Right. It’s a spectrum. I’m sorry, I forgot, I’m a Gen X, not a Millennial…”
“It’s cool.” She was finding this entertaining. “Relax. All good.”
She put her hand on Joey’s cheek. “Drive safe, Sexy Man.” Then disappeared back into the throng.
In the emptiness left by her departure I cleared my throat and addressed Joey’s earlobe. “I think I’m ready to leave.”
“Me too.”
As we pushed our way to the door, Vivian was head-to-head with Ike. He looked up when I passed. I could read it in his eyes: he knew what had just happened and he thought I was a square.
In the most lowering of silences Joey and I walked back to the Broderick. Once inside I muttered, “I need a drink.”
Joey led the way into the lounge. Only after I’d swallowed a few large mouthfuls of gin could I speak. “I should be flattered. Life in the old dog, and all that.”
Joey maintained sympathetic eye contact.
“I feel like such a, a boring …”
“So why didn’t you go home with her?”
“Because I…Joey, I didn’t fancy her. She’s really not my type.”
“Why’s that now?”
“Sheee…didn’t have enough testosterone? I guess I like men.” I slapped my hand to my forehead and groaned. “Did you see the look Ike Blakely gave me when we were leaving?”
“Who cares what he thinks? Narky fucker.”
Narky fucker. Two words which had been used about Joey more times than I’d had hot dinners. How the world turns.
“Joey? I’m sorry,” I chose my words carefully. “If I got in the way there.”
“You didn’t.”
“What I mean is, you could have got rid of me.”
“I know what you meant.”
“So why didn’t you go home with her?”
“I don’t do that anymore.”
“Casual hookups?”
He considered the question. “None of it. Casual, serious. None.”
“ No sex? What? Ever?”
Wordlessly, his gaze holding mine, he moved his head very definitely from side to side.
“Why?”
“I hurt too many people in the past. If I could apologize to everyone of them, I would.” He swallowed. “And it was when I felt my worst about myself. Not during it, but straight after. Always.”
From what I knew of him, it made sense. “A long time ago,” he said, “You said something.”
I was tense. During our tangled history, we’d each said plenty. Which corrosively honest truth was it?
“…That I didn’t have to hate everyone who loved me.” He looked somber. “It took years before I understood but you were right. I didn’t hate them but I hated myself so much that it was hard to…respect them.”
“Joey…can I ask—?”
“Elisabeth.” He cut across me. “That’s what you want to know? The last person I slept with?”
“No…” I’d wondered when he and Elisabeth had formally broken up.
“Yeah, Elisabeth. About, I don’t know, two years ago. No, closer to three.”
“Do you miss it?”
“Sometimes. But I don’t miss the emotional hangovers.”
“How do you know the words ‘emotional hangovers’?”
“Because I went for counseling. I told you. Elisabeth made me.”
“She sounds…impressive.”
“She is.” He smiled. “Very ‘action driven.’ She thinks every problem has a solution. When she realized I was unfixable she was…confused, I guess. Then she was out.”
“When was that?”
“Christmas before last.”
“Tell me to stop if I’ve gone too far but have you sworn off ‘relations’ for good?”
He shrugged. “No…But it would be different. Done right. Slow. Taking time to get to know the person. Holding back until I’m sure I deserve them, that I won’t hurt them. We’ll see.” He yawned. “Time for bed.”
I side-eyed him and we both smiled.
“It’s been that sort of day,” I said. “The Day of Innuendo.” I got to my feet. This was goodbye. “Thank you for giving me the job.”
“You’ve been great,” he said. “Thank you .”
“So. See you.” I shrugged. “Sometime.”
“Ah, Anna . We’ll both be at the launch party? Won’t we? So, see you then.”
Uncertainly, we stood and watched each other. Then we were both stepping forward into probably our first wholehearted hug. Our ribs bumped and all four of our feet jostled for the same spot on the floor. In an effort to stay upright, I slid my arms around Joey’s neck. His forearms tightened across my back until my nose was pressed against his collarbone.
“I can’t breathe.” I pulled away. “Oh my God, most awkward hug ever.”
“Your fault. You’re really short.” But he was smiling with his eyes. “Short and sweet.”
“And you’re long. Long and complicated.” I laid my hand on his cheek and said, “Drive safe, Sexy Man.”