Chapter 46
46
I woke early and starving. Breakfast wouldn’t have started yet but if I went down, maybe the muffins would be out.
“Morning, Anna.” It was Hari, one of the new waiters. “Regan and the go-boy are here already.”
From the chaos of coloring pencils and drawings strewn across the table, it looked as if they’d been there for ages.
“Look, Anna! Joe-boy is super-good at drawing.” A sheet of paper was rustled under my nose. “This is me! And a pet mouse.”
The illustration was excellent. Regan was recognizable and the mouse was very cute. “Joey, this is great.”
“Gold star, Joe-boy.” Carefully Regan unpeeled a small shiny star and stuck it on the top of the page.
“You’re awake early,” Joey said to me.
“So are you.”
“I’m always up early. I told Helen if she wanted a lie-in, Regan could give me a shout when she woke—Hey, thanks, Regan.” She was sticking a gold star on Joey’s jumper. He pressed his palm to his chest to secure it.
“You’re a gold-star boy,” Regan decreed.
“He sure is—oh thank God!” The baked goods had arrived.
“You okay?” Joey asked.
“I’m hungry and a little pukey.”
“But you weren’t drinking much last night.”
“Not a hangover. It’s my period.” Because why should I be coy? It was a natural event half the planet endured every month.
All credit to Joey, he didn’t flame with embarrassment, simply asked, “You need anything?”
“Just sugary carbs. Oh, here’s Francesca.”
“I’ve been sent to get croissants and stuff,” she told Hari. “For my granny and aunts. Is that okay?”
“Is Mama awake?” Regan asked. “Can I come with you?”
“Abso-fricken! You can help carry these.”
They left and it was just Joey and me.
Infused with strange clarity, I knew exactly what was about to happen.
I cleared my throat. “Joey?”
He looked up, instinctively alert.
“Joey. I’m sorry.”
His face drained of color. For several seconds he remained mute. “It’s okay.” He sounded breathless. “Water under the bridge now.”
“It was the worst. I was the worst.”
“I’m still standing. I mean it. I’m okay.”
“Thank you for letting me say it in person.”
His finger skated back and forth in a patch of spilt sugar. “I’m sorry too, Anna. About Jacqui. I didn’t understand that it would get so…I was selfish, hurt, stupid. I’m so sorry.”
“It wasn’t just you. Things were already messy with me and her.”
“But I should never have…” For a long stretch of silence, he stared at the table. Then, “Anna, I loved you.”
I might as well admit it because it was true. “And I loved you.”
His head shot up; his eyes blazed color. “You were so…” He moved his hand near his mouth. “…sweet to me.”
“Oh, Joey,” I gulped. Even now, my impulse was to protect him. Back then, I had seen the hurt child inside the man and it had broken my heart.
Then he hurt me terribly.
And I, in turn, was horribly cruel to him.
Yet the world had kept turning and life happened, happened, happened. And now, all these years later, we’d once again washed up on the same piece of shore. Maybe it could finally be put to rest.
“That night,” he said. “It was one of the worst of my life—”
“Sorry, Joey, I’m so sorry—”
“—but it was the making of me. You showed me who I was and I wanted to do better, be a better man. Now I live in a different way.” He shrugged. “I guess I should thank you?”
Doubtfully, I watched him. What on earth could I say? A breezy You’re welcome ? Out of the question.
“Hey.” He reached across the table, squeezing my hand. “Don’t look so sad. It’s okay. I mean it. I’m good. It’s all good.”