Chapter 75
75
We went to the Snug, a tiny, dark pub where I was unlikely to meet anyone I knew. I wanted Joey all to myself, even if it was only for fifty-three minutes.
“Tell me how you are,” he said.
“I sold my apartment in New York. Just went through last week.”
“Wow. And you feel…?”
“Good. A little sad sometimes but nothing major.”
“And work?”
“Doing three and a half days a week for Brigit and Colm, plus other bits and pieces. Having fun with Teagan’s skincare brand—I know, right?”
“Are you going to stay in M’town?”
“I don’t know. It’s so easy here. But I worry if I don’t get back on the ambition treadmill soon, then I’m donzo forever. I just can’t decide.”
“Anna. Sometimes not making a decision is making a decision.”
“Listen to you! You sound like Angelo!”
“Jesus H!” he groaned, then smiled. “You’ve friends here?”
I laughed. “Now you sound like my dad! But yes! I love Courtney with my whole heart. And Teagan. And Karina the hair. Aber, Hal, Ben, Mrs Mahon, Pamela, Glen…There are lots of great people here—and some absolute doses, just like anywhere. And thank you for Jacqui. She’s made a huge difference.”
“It’s good? You’re close? She’s forgiven you for…everything?”
“?‘Everything’? You mean you ? Oh, she’s so over you.”
He seemed amused. “Good to hear. And, aaah…” He swallowed. “Did anything come of it, with you and the goon?”
“Ike? No.”
The ensuing silence felt oppressive. “You were right,” I said. “I didn’t know what was going on for me back when…you know, you were here.”
“Can I ask you something? Tell me to sling it if I’m overstepping but…is there somebody? For you? That you’re seeing now?”
“No.”
Again, I heard his quiet exhale.
“What happened with you and Rose?”
“We’ve gone to a few concerts together.”
And…? What else?
“Anna, it wasn’t a thing. A relationship. I told you it was never about that. You suggested I try trusting her. So…I tried.”
Right. “There were rumors she was still looking for investment for the Shithole on the Hill. Wouldn’t that be disastrous for Brigit and Colm?” I watched his face.
There was a shift, a tiny one, into business mode. “Are you asking me a question, Anna?”
“Okay. Is Rose still looking for investment?”
There was something there, a flicker, a reluctance. When he spoke, he sounded formal. “ If I knew, I’d be bound by confidentiality.” Then, “Anna, Rose isn’t a threat.”
When I stayed silent, he repeated, with emphasis, “Rose is not a threat. You can trust me on that. I swear. I haven’t seen her since, I think, July.”
Several seconds elapsed, then because the relief was so lovely, I decided to believe him. “I’m a little messed up about her.”
“Same as I’m a little messed up about the goon. And Torres.”
“And you still drove across the country to pick him up from the station.” I smiled. “Joey Armstrong, being the bigger man.”
“Yep. That’s me.” Then he said, “I’ve been seeing, I don’t know if you remember, I told you about Trevor? The therapist?”
“I remember. How’s that working out?”
He seemed conflicted. “Okay, I’ll tell you and if you feel ambushed, I’ll shut up. The thing is, you’ve come up a lot in the sessions.”
“Because of that night in New York?”
“Not really.” After a pause he said, “In other ways. I think about you a lot. I miss you—”
“Stop.”
“Anna. I’m in a different place to where I was, when we…the last time we met. Could we—”
“No.”
“No, what?”
“I don’t know,” I realized. “But whatever it was, it’s no. Because you’ll hurt me. I’m doing fine, Joey, but it took a while.”
Sad and serious, he said, “I hate that I did that to you.”
“Like I said, one of us always ends up in bits.”
“But we’re really good at having fun with each other. That week in March, before…we had a great time. At least that’s how I remember it. Am I wrong?”
He wasn’t.
“I’ve been thinking about how kind you were when I told you about Dad and Keith.”
“How could anyone else be kind when they didn’t know?”
“Exactly—why didn’t I tell them? Why were you the only one?”
“Jacqui’s theory back then was you were trying to manipulate me.”
He looked stricken. “I wanted you to know me.”
Then he said, “I need to apologize for how I behaved the night of Ben’s party. Back in my room, I shouldn’t have led you on, then abandoned you. Or I should have done what I really wanted to do. I was so selfish.”
“Making you kiss me? I was the selfish one.”
“Look, ahhh…” A light sheen of sweat was visible on his forehead. “Sorry to do this without any warning, but, Anna.” He swallowed. “Look, I’m just going to say it. I’ve been mad about you since forever. It never really stopped.”
And?
“It still hasn’t.”
I waited, my heart in my throat.
“This may not be of any interest to you…but I wondered…” He began again. “I would really like us to try. To have a relationship. Romantically, I mean.”
His honesty knocked me sideways. It was obvious how difficult he found it, being this vulnerable.
“It might be a disaster,” he said. “But we’d never know if we didn’t try.”
Is your dick still under lock and key? I was afraid the words would rush into my mouth and say themselves. “What about your…rule?”
“It was never intended to be forever,” he said. “Don’t you remember? That night, I said I needed time.”
He had mentioned something but I’d thought I was just being fobbed off. “Is it still in force?”
Slowly, deliberately, he shook his head. A smile hid behind his face.
Jealousy scalded me. “Have you…seen active service?” Because if he had, the hot green ooze might destroy me.
“No.”
“How do you know”—I glanced in the direction of his groin—“That it even works anymore?”
“It’ll work.” He flashed an unexpected grin. “With you, it’ll definitely work.”
Oh God, this was a lot.
“Can you think about it? What I’ve said? Please?”
“Joey, my life is good now.”
“Anna, the greatest failure is not to try.”
“Joey Armstrong quoting Insta platitudes at me?”
“Told you.” There was a small smile. “I’m in a different place.”
“You need to get back to your boys.”
“Sure.” We both stood up. “And remember, Anna.” His tone was wry. “You miss one hundred percent of the shots you never take.”
—
At home, in bed, I kept thinking of Joey’s face and voice when he said, across the lounge, to Isaac, “Absolutely. Not.”
Calm. Powerful. In control. A man who meant business. The hottest thing I’d ever witnessed and I wanted him to use that tone with me.
“Joey, it’s too soon for us to sleep with each other.”
“ Absolutely. Not. ”
“I’m keeping my clothes on, Joey.”
“ Absolutely. Not. ”
“Just my underwear, then? Please.”
“ Absolutely. Not. ”
If he and I ever actually happened I’d get him to act it out with me.
—
“A pleasure, Mr Huxham.” I assisted Merv, the last guest to leave, up the steps into the coach, which was purring curbside outside the Broderick. “Do come again.”
Not even 7 a.m. and I’d already got forty-six guests and their luggage onto the big bus bound for Galway Airport. In several last-minute rescue operations, I’d located forgotten laptops, found a mislaid passport and raced up the stairs of the Broderick twice to retrieve medication from drawers.
“Anna! Aren’t you done yet?” Isaac had returned to pester me. “I’ve waited ages .”
I gave the nod to the driver that it was safe to leave. The doors swished closed, the coach moved off and Isaac grabbed my hand. “Come on .”
“Waitttt.” I was very stern. Instantly he was sheepish.
“Sorry.”
The bus reached the end of Main Street and turned a corner.
“Isaac!” Joey ran out into the street. “You were told to let Anna do her job!” Turning to me, he said, “Anna, I’m so sorry, Zeke needed—”
“All grand. Just a few more minutes. To be sure they’re really gone.”
Max came out, holding Zeke’s hand. “They’re gone,” Isaac announced.
Right, they probably were.
“Can I go in your car?” Isaac asked me.
“Don’t you need a car seat?”
“No! I’m nearly seven!”
“Anna?” Joey checked. “You’re good with this?”
“I mean, sure. But my house really isn’t exciting.”
Minutes later, the three boys clustered on my front step as I pushed open the front door.
“Manners,” Joey reminded them.
With a sigh, Isaac checked himself. “May I come in?”
I laughed. “Are you a vampire?”
“I don’t know.” He liked the idea. “Am I?”
“If you are, you need to ask permission to go into another person’s house. If they say yes, you’re good.”
“Okay, may I come in?”
“Yes, Vampire Isaac, you may.”
“I don’t want to be a vampire,” Zeke said.
“I know I’m not one.” This from Max. “But I have good manners. May I come in?”
“Sure. You too Zeke. And Joey.”
“Thanks, Anna,” Joey said.
As the boys streaked through the house, Joey spoke quietly. “Anna.”
“What?”
He laughed. “Nothing. I just want to keep saying your name. Any excuse. I like the feel of it in my mouth.”
Startled, I stared at him. His eyes darkened.
“Your pupils just dilated.” I was awestruck.
In a low voice, he said, “There’s a reason for that.”
The atmosphere was so thick I could barely breathe.
Stepping back, I asked, “What you said last night, Joey? How serious were you?”
He took a moment. “Yeah, more serious than I’ve ever been about anything.”
Suddenly overwhelmed, I had no idea what to think.