Chapter 14
Chapter
Fourteen
Louise, Pearl, and Sam went up the man’s porch steps and stood before the door.
“Well,” Sam said, “don’t just stand there, Louise. Knock.”
“Are you sure we should be doing this?” Pearl adjusted her glasses. “I mean, Dr. Blackstone did tell us to basically mind our own business when it came to, um, well, figuring out what he is. He obviously doesn’t want us to know.”
Louise turned to her, wagging a finger. “Pearl, how many times do I have to tell you? Anon Blackstone is an anomaly, and I’m going to find out what kind.
And he’s got a house full of anomalies. We already know they’re housing a gnome, of all things.
This means supernatural beings exist, so of course I’m going to snoop and ask questions. ”
Sam turned to Pearl. “She saw Anon drive off in his van full of houseguests, but she didn’t see the gnome.”
“I was looking for his pointy hat,” Louise said. “Maybe they shoved him in the back. Regardless, if nobody answers the door, then that means they all left. But if the little imp answers, then I can interview him.”
Pearl gasped. “Louise, you can’t interview the gnome. What was his name again? Basil? Anyway, you can’t put that in your column.”
“I’m not.” Louise huffed. “This is for my own curiosity. Besides, how does Anon expect us to help him and the others if we don’t have more information?” She turned toward the door. Just as she raised her hand to knock, it opened.
All three sets of eyes widened as the door slowly creaked open by itself.
Louise looked at the others. “Well, it looks like we’re welcome.” She stepped inside and peeked around the door to see if perhaps Basil had somehow opened it, but there was nothing there.
“Somebody’s home,” she said. “I can hear the television. Come on, you two.” She motioned them inside, then closed the door behind them.
Louise led the way into the living room where they found Basil the gnome sitting on the couch watching television. Charlie’s Angels, to be exact. The old seventies show.
“Well, hello, Basil,” Louise greeted happily. “How are you this fine afternoon?”
Basil jumped at least four feet into the air, spilling the chips he was eating. He landed on the couch and bounced, hit the coffee table, then landed on the floor.
Scrambling to his feet, he pointed at them. “Humans! Oh, it’s you. The white-haired human. The snoop. That’s what the bloodsucker calls you. What are you doing here?”
Louise casually brushed at her flowered blouse. “We came to see you. I’m here to interview you.” She marched over to the coffee table, snatched up the remote, and shut off the television.
Basil gasped. “What have you done? You’ve cut me off from my precious angels. They were about to corner the bad guy.”
Pearl and Sam exchanged identical looks. Sam chuckled. “You were watching Charlie’s Angels?”
“Yes. Have you not seen their magnificence? Their beauty? Their...” He trailed off and frowned. “What were you here again for?”
“I’m here to interview you,” Louise said. “Now, have a seat.” She looked at the chips scattered across the couch. “Oh dear.” Louise started picking them up and putting them back into the bag.
“I will do that,” Basil snapped.
With a speed she didn’t think any gnome possessed, especially since the only gnomes she knew were made of stone, he picked up every crumb and put it in the bag. Then he set it on the coffee table.
That done, he jumped up on the couch and sat. “What do you want, white-haired woman?”
Louise adjusted her white-rimmed glasses, hoping he noticed.
He didn’t. Instead, he folded his little arms across his chest and glared up at her.
“First off, what is your full name?”
“Basil Thimbleroot, you imbecile. You were there when I was spat out of the ocean. Were you not?”
“Yes, I was, but it was a lot of excitement at the time.” She scribbled his name down. “And how old are you, Basil?”
He thought for a moment. “Let’s see. Two hundred eighty-five.”
Everyone’s eyes widened. “Two hundred eighty-five?” Sam exclaimed. “Good grief!”
“Well, I’m not young,” Basil shot back. “I’m an old man, but I still have a spring in my step, I’ll have you know. And I can out-cook anyone.”
“I have no doubt you can,” Louise said. “Now, let me see. Oh yes. And where do you hail from?”
He narrowed his eyes at her. “I’m not telling you anything that would give away my prince’s homeland. I’m loyal to the Ravaeth Court.”
“Well, that’s fine then.” She scribbled something else down. “Let’s see. Are you married?”
“Ha! No. I’m a confirmed old bachelor and like it that way.”
“Hear, hear,” Sam said.
Louise gave him a look and he immediately shut up.
Basil noticed. “Is she your mate?” he asked Sam.
“Oh, um, well...” Sam looked at Louise again, who was now glaring at him. “Uh, you could say that.”
Basil looked at Louise. “You have tortured and beaten him, haven’t you?”
Louise gasped. “What? I would do no such thing. I love... I mean, I care for Sam.”
Sam’s eyes rounded to saucers. “What was that you were about to say, Louise?”
“Never mind, Sam. We’re here to interview Basil.” She glanced at her notes. “You’re the palace chef.”
“I am,” Basil said.
“Do people fish where you’re from?” Sam blurted.
Basil looked at him as though he were an idiot. “Fish? How can we fish? We’re in the desert.” He rolled his eyes. “Humans.”
“Sam, stop interrupting,” Louise scolded. “Let me do the asking.” She smiled at Basil. “Well, if you don’t fish because you’re in the desert, how do you get fish to cook?”
Basil pinched the bridge of his nose. “White-haired woman, we don’t cook fish. Not unless it’s flown in.”
“Flown in?” Pearl asked, raising her eyebrows. “Goodness gracious. Do they have airplanes?”
“No, silly woman,” Basil said with a look of exasperation. “We have dragons.”
“Dragons?” Sam sat in the nearest chair, a hand over his heart. “You mean real dragons?”
Basil looked at all three of them, then stood on the couch with his hands on his hips. “Don’t you humans know anything? Has the prince not explained?”
He cut himself off, his eyes widening. “You don’t know anything, do you? Ha! That dirty bloodsucker. He’s been keeping you in the dark, hasn’t he?”
“You keep calling Anon a bloodsucker. Why?” Louise asked.
Basil laughed. “Because that’s what he is, you silly woman. He’s a vampire. Or didn’t you know that either?” He rolled his eyes and sat down again. “Stupid humans.”
“Hey, who are you calling stupid?” Sam said, shaking a finger at him. “If it weren’t for us, you’d be fish bait by now.”
“Not likely,” Basil said.
Louise and Pearl stared at him, dumbfounded. Louise finally found her voice. “Are you saying that Anon Blackstone, our town dentist, is a vampire?”
“I already said that, didn’t I?” Basil shot back. “Were you not listening?” He huffed and looked away.
Louise, meanwhile, looked at Pearl and Sam. “Goodness gracious,” she said. “When one thinks about it, it makes total sense.”
“I don’t want to think about it,” Sam said. “I’ve got a cavity that needs filling. That means I’ll have to see him. What if he bites me?”
“Nonsense,” Pearl said. “We’ve been playing bridge with Anon for quite a while now. We all know him well. He wouldn’t hurt a fly.”
“Then how does he eat?” Louise asked, raising an eyebrow.
Basil stood again. “You humans know nothing. Why do you think he keeps goats?”
“The girls?” Louise asked. “He loves those goats. He wouldn’t... Oh, would he?” She looked at the others, then back at Basil.
“He feeds off the goats and milks them and makes goat cheese. I find it ingenious and disgusting all at the same time.”
“If Anon’s a vampire,” Sam started, “then what is Jackson?”
“A werewolf, of course,” Basil spat. “Can’t you smell him?”
“No. I’m afraid my sniffer’s not that good,” Sam said.
“Mine either,” Pearl added.
“Imagine. Our own mailman is a werewolf. And our dentist is a vampire,” Louise said. “But then what is Caelen?”
“The prince?” Basil groaned. “He’s nothing but a Fae prince and the First Knight of his realm. He protects his royal family. Maybe because he’s not good at doing anything else.” Basil looked away again as if bored with them.
Louise wasn’t about to stop now. “Caelen’s a Fae knight and a Fae prince? What on earth is a Fae?”
“I believe it’s a kind of fairy,” Pearl said.
“Or a pixie,” Sam added.
“Pixie?” Basil stood again and jumped up and down several times. “A Fae is nothing like a pixie. Don’t insult pixies like that.”
He looked around the room. “I’ve had enough of you people. I need to go cook something.” Basil jumped off the couch and hurried into the kitchen.
“How does he move so fast?” Sam asked.
Louise shrugged. “I don’t know, but I want to talk to him some more and find out exactly what’s going on. This is worse than I thought. Or maybe better. I can’t decide.”
She left the living room and hurried after Basil. In the kitchen, he stood on a step stool in front of the stove. “What about Quill, Caelen’s friend?” she asked. “What is he? He looks perfectly normal to me.”
“Well, he’s not,” Basil said as he chopped celery faster than she’d ever seen anyone chop a vegetable.
He tossed it into a pot. “He’s a wizard.” Basil reached for a carrot and began chopping.
“A wizard? A real wizard?” Louise breathed. “Goodness. Magic. Wonderful.”
Sam and Pearl entered the kitchen. “Now that’s something you don’t see every day,” Sam drawled as he watched Basil toss carrot slices into the pot.
“He really does cook,” Pearl said.
“Of course I do, woman. I’m the finest chef in the realm. In fact, I’m probably the finest chef in this realm!”
“Oh yeah?” Sam said. “Prove it.”
Basil gasped. “Sit yourselves down, humans, and prepare to be amazed.”
He narrowed his eyes at them. “Foolish, foolish people. You’re lucky you haven’t been eaten by the vampire or put under a spell by the wizard. The Fae prince would probably do worse. He’s powerful but has bad aim. You should hear what he did to the house.”
Sam, Pearl, and Louise exchanged curious looks. “What did he do to the house?” Sam asked.
The house rumbled.