9. Chapter Nine
I’m not in full control. I move automatically, not wanting to think too hard about what I’m doing. I want to stay in this space. If I think too hard, I’ll stop and I don’t want to do that.
On a certain level, I’m horrified by my own behavior.
I’m Steph’s professor. I’m thoroughly breaching anything resembling professionalism. There are implications for the both of us. Horrendous, life-altering implications if anyone sees us. I hold authority over her. Her education would be impacted if we were discovered, not to mention her reputation. My own career would be incinerated. Marcus would have more of a hold over me than he already has. There’s a million reasons why this should not happen.
But on another level, I simply can’t stop. Not when it comes to this beautiful woman in my arms. Not when it comes to Steph. She’s my everything, and I cannot give that up. Perhaps that’s why I choose to remain in a state where I can give in to what I want. To finally, finally let myself just be fully me.
Freedom infuses my body as I twine my fingers with hers. She sways against me, her body pressing delicately against mine. I card my fingers through her hair, away from her face. The subtle glow of the library’s night lights light her jaw. “You’re too beautiful to hide.”
Her cheeks darken and her lips glisten from our kiss when she looks up at me. A storm rages behind her eyes. “I don’t think…”
“You are.” There’s no doubt. She doesn’t believe me so I’ll make it my life’s work to ensure she learns how beautiful she is.
I kiss her again, fighting off the inner voice I should be listening to. Her chest rises and falls, her breathing hard and coming as fast as mine. My erection presses against my jeans so hard I’ll likely have track marks from the imprint of the zipper.
I shove both our laptops in our bags alongside our notepads and sling both bags over my shoulder before taking her hand and leading her from the library. I make sure the doors are locked before we walk down the front steps to the path that will take us to my apartment nearby.
I shadow Steph’s every move as we navigate the winding path toward the staff dormitories, cocooned in the inky blackness of the night. With each step, a twisted blend of anticipation and trepidation courses through my veins. The weight of my desire clings to the air around us, mingling with the scent of freshly fallen leaves and the distant hum of the campus growing quiet in the early hours of the morning.
As we approach the collection of buildings that house the staff dormitories, a formidable building looms before us, its gothic architecture casting long shadows across the surrounding grounds. I usually appreciate the quaintness, the cobblestoned streets surrounding the structures, and the history of the buildings that house the staff. Now, all I can think about is how quickly I can steal Steph into my apartment without anyone seeing us.
I send a silent thank you to my guardian angel that the chill in the air is too uncomfortable for anyone to be loitering on the lawn right now. I follow up with a verdant wish that the shadows stay dark and deep enough for no one to see us. My senses remain heightened. My arousal makes every step urgent. My head snaps in the direction of a shuffle of leaves and the air punches from my lungs when a squirrel darts down the trunk and across the lawn.
Steph’s breath condenses in the air as we half walk, half jog down the path. Moonlight glints in her eyes that remain trained on me every time I glance at her. A sliver of conscience stabs through me. I’m not sure if she feels it too, but her fingers clench more tightly around mine and the moment disappears as I’m thrust back into no thinking. Just feeling. Where arousal and desire ride me like a promise and where rules and boundaries cease to exist.
I fumble for my fob and mash it against the reader. The lock clicks and I push the door open with my shoulder. A tremor rakes her frame as we pad to my apartment door at the end of the hall. My skin pickles as we pass other staff members’ doors. I expect them to open. For faces to appear. For eyes to see us. For questions to be asked. Students are strictly forbidden in this building.
Students are strictly forbidden, period.
Not enough to stop me now. My balls throb. Every step is an act of torture. Our hurried steps are muffled by the thick carpet. I make it to the door and then we’re inside my apartment. I push the door shut, hedge her against the back of it, lean down and kiss her. My lips crash against hers while I grind my erection against her abdomen. Sweet sensation sparks through me and I groan into her mouth. She tugs my shirt from my jeans and flattens her palms on my sides. She sucks my bottom lip into her mouth and bends her fingers so her nails scrape my skin along my waist.
Her hand drifts down. Over my jeans. Strokes me over strained denim. My cock leaks when she circles her fingers around my length and guides her hand up and down.
“God. Steph. What are you doing to me?” I offer words as shaky as my feet. There’s no answer to that question. The gods above wouldn’t be able to do that either.
My gaze drops to her full lips when she quirks a smile. “I think it’s quite obvious what I’m doing to you.”
A laugh barks from me and feels as good as her hand on me. I can’t remember the last time I laughed like that. Or lost control like this.
“Brat.” I kiss her again and vaguely recall our bags are still on my shoulder. I let them fall to the floor and then I can’t hold back any longer.
I need this woman.
I want this woman.
I grab her thighs, lift her and she winds her legs around my hips. I carry her to my bedroom, and the whole time our tongues are stroking, sliding and tangling against one another. I settle her on top of my bed and crawl over her.
“Are you sure..?”
She puts a hand over my lips. “Don’t ask. I don’t want to think about anything. Just take me, Jacob.”
I wonder why she’s as desperate for me as I am for her but she cups my balls and squeezes and I slip back to the deep space where I barely think.
She raises her arms as I lift her T-shirt and reveal her breasts encased in a black lace bra. I toss the garment somewhere to the side, my whole focus on her body on offer beneath me. I smooth my hand up her side, over her flat stomach, loving the feel of her skin over her toned muscles. My fingers skim over her nipples that are beaded into hard points. Hard and soft and everything I imagined they would be. She pants and her head drops back, her mouth open in a perfect circle just begging to be kissed.
I indulge both of us, taking her mouth in a languid kiss, before trailing my lips over her jaw to the sweet spot behind her ear, where I nip and soothe until she shivers. I’m liquid heat, reduced to nothing more than the desire flowing through me. I release my hold on her nipple, that I’ve been tweaking while I kiss her and drag my fingers across her abs and to the button on her jeans. Her grip on my biceps tightens.
“Please.” A whisper. A sob. A plea.
“You’re so damn beautiful, Steph. All mine.” I kiss my way down the column of her neck and suck her breast through her bra. The breath rushes out of her. She tosses her head back, arches her back and gives me full access to her gorgeous breasts.
I slip my hand under the bra on her other breast and knead her flesh while I feast on the first one. I flick her nipple, teasing both of us. I need to taste her skin directly. I don’t want anything between us. I ease the cups over her breasts and breathe over her damp skin.
Her hands slide to my sides, fingers digging into my flesh as she gasps. “More.”
I won’t say no. I’ll never be able to, no matter her request.
I devour her breasts. One and then the other. Her legs part, encasing me in her heat. I fall into the juncture of her thighs, cock throbbing where I grind against her. Her hands glide up my back under my shirt. Nail scraping. I love I’m affecting her like this. Love watching her come undone.
Need to taste more.
I trail my mouth from her breast to her belly button, teasing her with the tip of my tongue as her muscles jerk beneath my mouth. I press an open-mouthed kiss to the indentation of her navel and undo her jeans button and then her zipper. Black lace peeks from between the parted denim, matching her bra. When I realize she’s been dressed in soft lace under her jeans and dowdy sweatshirt, I nearly cum in my pants. This is too much temptation for a man who’s been celibate for so long.
“Have you dressed like this under your clothing every time you’ve come into my class?” I ask.
She props up on her elbows, looks down her body, sees what I’m doing and drops back. “I’ve just never been very good at being feminine, but I like wearing lace.”
I don’t care about the speech she’s about to give. All I can think about is the line she started with.
“Not feminine?” I reach for my shirt to yank it over my head, disregarding the tightness. “You are the most feminine being I’ve ever had the luck to set eyes on. How can you not know that?”
She must truly think that. It makes sense, the way she hunches over and covers her face with her hair. She can’t know there’s no way she can blend into the background even when she tries. I slip my fingers under the waist band of her jeans and tug them down, cutting off her response. I pull the jeans off her body and suck in a breath at the sight of her laid out like a sweet dessert on my bed, every delectable inch of her waiting for my mouth. My hand. My cock.
I kneel between her parted thighs. My gaze drifts down her body to where her most intimate area is bare from hair. The pouty lips of her pussy are glossy with her arousal. I want to slide between those lips and drink her in.
Beautiful.
I’m entranced by the sight.
“Jacob. Stop thinking. Just touch me.” Her voice drags me out of my reverie and brings an eager grin to my own lips.
With my fingertips I trace the line of her hip, along her inner thigh, from her knee to the juncture of her leg and watch goose bumps rise behind my touch. I drift outward, caressing. Teasing with lazy strokes that inch closer and closer to her core. Her breathing hitches. Her nipples tighten. I can’t help but dip my head and suck one nipple into my mouth, then the other while I tease her clit.
Her back bows and she pants as I continue to work her. “You like this. Do you want more, Steph?”
“Yes. God, yes. Please.”
My balls pull so tight against my body it’s nearly painful. I slip a finger through her slickness. Her grip on my shoulders bruises and I’m greedy for more of her. I slide a finger inside her and she clamps around me. Her depths pulsate as I thrust one finger, then two, inside her. Her whole body shakes as she keens my name.
“Jacob.”
I glance up her body to find her gaze on me. Her beautiful eyes are clear and bright with unshed tears. “I need you.”
There’s no mistaking the yearning in her tone. The desperation. The unquenchable hunger. She’s not asking for me to stop. She’s asking for everything.
And I’m going to give it to her, because nothing has ever felt so right.
I settle between her thighs, the aroma of her arousal washing around me. My finger glistens as I glide it in and out of her core. I lean down. Nuzzle her lips and dart my tongue to taste. My mouth waters at her musky, feminine taste. Delicious. One little teaser is not enough. I need to feast.
Her arousal coats my tongue as I explore her folds and I groan as I suckle her clit. A sigh drifts from her. Her body undulates, then begins to writhe. I clamp my free hand on her thigh, locking her in place so I can keep drinking her in.
“Jacob. I’m going to…”
I suck hard on her clit. Her back bows again as she keens. Her inner walls clamp around my fingers. I keep sucking. Keep thrusting inside her, drawing out her pleasure until her body grows limp. She trembles. Pants.
I rip the shirt off my body and then stand before ridding myself of the offensive feel of my jeans. Too tight. My cock springs free, hard, aching and leaking. I grip myself as her gaze runs over me. My face, shoulders, torso and then down to lock onto my hand gripping my own flesh.
She licks her lips and lifts one arm, then the other, toward me. “Please, Jacob. I want to feel you inside me.”
“Are you sure?” I don’t know what I’ll do if she says no, but somehow I’ll comply. I want her fully willing, or not at all, no matter how blue my balls will be. None of that matters but her willingness.
Her brow creases and her arms lower. “You…don’t want me?”
“Baby girl, I want you more than I want my next breath, but only if you’re one hundred percent on board with this. With me.”
I cup her face, brushing her hair away and searching her eyes for any lingering doubt. All I see there is love. Trust. Certainty. “I want you, Jacob. All of you.”
There’s nothing inside me that can deny us any longer.
Relief washes through me. I take a condom from a box on my bedside table and sheath myself. I can barely finish the action because my fingers are shaking so hard. She affects me more than anyone else I’ve ever met. I ease down onto the bed, settling between her thighs. I take her mouth in a searing kiss and position myself at her entrance. I push inside, inch by sweet inch, savoring the way she stretches and quivers around me. Her body arches, her nails sinking into my shoulders, and I stop to give her a moment to adjust.
“More, Jacob. Please, I need more,” she whispers against my lips, and I can deny her nothing.
I sink deeper, filling her completely, and our bodies meld. Perfection. I pause again, allowing her to adjust to the fullness buried inside her. Her breath hitches and I feel her muscles clench and release around me.
I slowly drag out, the friction of her tight heat nearly driving me to madness before I push back in. She’s so hot, so tight, and her body welcomes me home. I set a rhythm, taking long, slow strokes, each one driving a little deeper, making her body rise to meet mine.
I kiss her, deep and slow, pouring all my love and tenderness into the action. This isn’t a quick fuck. I knew that before we started.
She’ll never be that way to me. No, this is much more. This is a joining. This is my completion.
This is what I’ve been searching for all my life.
The pressure builds within me, the need to move faster, to drive harder. But I fight against it. This moment is to be savored, etched into my memory for all time. I want it to be the same for her, too. I need to learn every inch of her body, every sound she makes, every flutter of her eyelashes, and sear those moments into my memory.
She sobs my name, the grip of her nails digging into my flesh, but I feel nothing but sweet pleasure as she begs for more. I give it to her, one slow, torturous stroke after another, until she’s writhing beneath me, clearly as lost in the sensation as me.
I can’t hold back any longer. I thrust harder, deeper, driving toward both our releases. Her cry of ecstasy is soft and breathy in my ear. And when her body tightens around me, her muscles clamping and releasing in sweet pulses, I let go, pouring my soul into her body to fall with her.
I gather her in my arms and hold her so tight her heart pounds directly against me. Her fingers slide through my hair, her body pliant and sated beneath me. I can’t help it. I kiss her again, as I express my gratitude for this one perfect moment through our connection.
“Jacob, that was…” Her fingers smooth my forehead, persuading the frown lines away.
I finish her sentence when she doesn’t. “Perfection, Steph. That was perfection.”
She smiles as a beautiful pink rises in her cheeks. I have to kiss her. Again and again.
Her eyelids, the bridge of her nose, her cupid’s bow lips. I trace one of her cheekbones, her soft skin under my finger confirming that if I never move from this spot, I’d still be the happiest man alive.
She sighs and nuzzles into me, and then we both fall asleep. In each other’s arms. Full. Sated. When we wake, we make love again until the early hours of the morning. In my bed. On my couch. Against my shower’s tiled wall. Every conceivable way, and maybe even some that I’d never conceived of before. Each time I bring her to a world-rocking climax, watch her beautiful face contort and glow with pleasure, she tips me over the edge, too. It’s an addiction I never want to quit.
Her pleasure is my pleasure. I cherish every single second of her. I sear every moment into my brain. This is a woman I never want to walk away from me. She leaves me exhausted but I resist sleep for as long as possible so I can keep holding onto her.
This attraction is once-in-a-lifetime powerful. Worth fighting for. She won’t be a student forever. We’re both consenting adults. The only thing holding us back is my job and that may not be forever. The future is no guarantee. The one thing I do know is that she’s the best thing that’s happened to me in five long years.
In my life.
Not even Emily came close to making me feel like this. There’s no way in hell I’m stepping away from Steph.
Somehow, some way, I’ll work this out.
Work us out.
No matter what it takes.