17. Chapter Seventeen
It’s been a week since I’ve held her in my arms. Seven long days filled with things I’ve worked on auto pilot to accomplish. I click off the link to student marks and reports I’ve updated. Stack the pile of student assignments I’ve commented on and graded to the side of my desk. Check my inbox for the hundredth time. There are no new messages from colleagues, students or friends. Even Marcus has been quiet with no more demands from me at this stage. There’s nothing else for me to do. I’m caught up.
At a complete loss.
Time has warped, elongated and slowed. Seconds are minutes and minutes are hours. I’ve lived a month instead of a week. All because I haven’t been able to see her. Touch her. Kiss her. Make love to her. My bed is as empty as my days and I fucking hate every moment she hasn’t been with me.
Logically I know she’s at her father’s wedding. I know there was no way I could have gone with her. I’ve been so careful to avoid anyone knowing about us because I don’t want her to leave this university with a reputation, or have anyone think that her results are anything other than what she’s personally achieved. I will not have her name tarnished because I can’t keep my thoughts, hands and every other body part away from her.
But my head and my heart are two different things.
I want so much more than what we have. It killed me to decline her suggestion of building a business together. I meant what I said when I told her that her business idea will work. If I was in any other position, I would have taken her offer. Seen the year out so she can gain her degree. Given my resignation with plenty of time for the college to hire a replacement.
As a start.
I want so much more from her.
So much more I’ll never have. After this semester is over, I won’t see her again. The only way out for me is if Marcus resigns and that will be years off. There’s no reason for him to leave when there’s so much money to be stolen. When I’m here at his mercy and funneling money for him. He’s making millions and he doesn’t have to lift a finger. Pretty good gig if you can get it. My dirty little secret I want her to have nothing to do with.
My computer pings with a notification and I realize I’ve been staring out the window, unseeing of the sunny day and students strolling across the gardens outside. I shift my chair, wiggle my mouse, the screen wakes up and the small task steals my attention when I book a first-year student into my burgeoning schedule. One more minute has passed.
I glance at the clock, seeing it tick to one in the afternoon. I’ve been awake since five this morning. Jogged until seven. Lectured from ten until twelve and have been in my office ever since. I’m not hungry but I guess I should eat. I haven’t eaten breakfast yet.
I check my cell for her messages, my heart rate picking up. Nothing new since ten minutes ago when I last checked. I should eat. I calculate walking to the cafeteria, eating and walking back to my office will fill in forty minutes. Give or take. I close my computer and ignore the empty hole waking up inside of me.
How will I cope when she leaves for good?
I make my way to the campus cafeteria, my mind lost. The chatter of students and staff fills the air, but their voices are distant and muffled. I grab a sandwich and a bottle of water, not really caring what I’m eating. It’s just fuel for my body, nothing more.
As I find an empty table in the corner, I overhear a conversation that snaps me out of my daze. It’s Carol, one of my colleagues from the business department, talking animatedly with another professor.
“...such a lavish affair! I can’t imagine how much that whole wedding cost.”
“Right? And did you see the bride’s dress? I heard it was designed exclusively for her by...”
The familiar voices register and I realize my colleagues, Carol and Amy, are engrossed in gossiping about some celebrity wedding. Inwardly I roll my eyes, wondering why people are so obsessed with the personal lives of the rich and famous.
As I snap the top off my water bottle and lift it, Carol spots me and waves me over enthusiastically. Suppressing a sigh, I grab my tray and head to their table, putting on a polite smile.
“Jacob! You have to see these pictures from David Chandler’s wedding last weekend,” Carol gushes, swiping through photos on her cell. “That’s the hotel mogul from New York, you know? I figured you might know of him.”
My head snaps up at the mention of David Chandler’s name. I’d heard he was engaged to a woman half his age. That fact alone has kept rumors circulating around social media. Not that I could fault the man. His fiancée is stunning. And none of my business, except for the money I’m embezzling from him.
“It’s all over Instagram. No wonder he’s marrying his fiancée. She’s gorgeous,” Amy says.
“And young,” Carol comments.
There’s nothing I want to say, so I nod and scan the tables for a seat far away from the gossip.
“Hey, isn’t that one of your students?” she asks, and points to one of the photos.
As Carol holds up the screen, my breath catches in my throat.
It’s Steph.
MySteph. She stands next to David Chandler looking radiant in a flowing gown, smiling that dazzling smile that has stolen my breath so many times before. Suddenly I can’t breathe, can’t think.
“How? Why is she?”
“She’s the secret daughter. Everyone knows he has one but not what she looks like. Until now,” Amy says.
“Guess the secret’s out,” Carol says. She expands the photo so Steph’s face fills the screen. She’s smiling. Happy. Beautiful. She wears glamorous well. I see the family resemblance to her father.
“Yeah, every man and woman will want to get to know her now,” Amy says.
“Well, she’s the heir to millions. Billions. There’s not a lot to dislike about that,” Carol says.
“Jacob? You okay there?” Amy frowns at me with a bewildered expression.
I swallow hard, trying to compose myself as the two women exchange a confused glance. “I...yeah, sorry, I just...wasn’t expecting that.”
Steph is not Stephanie Chandler. She…she’s Steph Smith. My student. My lover. Mine.
Steph doesn’t come from money. She wears worn jeans and sweatshirts and doesn’t have enough money for lunch and…
I thought there might be a connection and disregarded it. I just…didn’t want to see it. Didn’t want to make the connection.
I thought I knew her.
Only now….now I realize I don’t know her at all.
I excuse myself, mumbling something about needing to get back to work and leave the tray on the table. Carol and the other professor barely notice my departure, too engrossed in their gossip about the wedding. I walk back to my office in a daze, my appetite gone. I close the door behind me, slump into my chair and stare at the wall.
Now I see everything she’s told me about herself in another light. The dots line up and bing, bing, bing. She said her father worked in construction. Told me her parents sent her to an expensive private school. Her hair is the same brunette from the picture Marcus showed me.
She never lied to me.
But she never told me the full truth.
Does she not trust me? Have I done anything to make her think she shouldn’t? A lot. There’s a lot I’ve kept from her too.
Lies on all sides.
I need to talk to her, to hear her side of the story. But I’m afraid of what I might find out. Afraid that the fragile, forbidden relationship we’ve built will crumble. But as the minutes tick by, the silence of my office deafening, I wonder if I ever really had her to begin with.
My cell rings and Marcus’s name flashes on the screen. Part of me wants to ignore the call, but I know better than to defy him. I stab the answer button.
“Marcus,” I say, trying to keep my voice steady.
“I trust you’ve heard the big news,” he drawls.
My throat constricts. “Yes, I... I saw the pictures.”
“Excellent. This is the opportunity we’ve been waiting for.” I want to hurl at the smug note in his voice. At the insinuation that I’m a willing part of anything he’s demanded of me. Of what I know he’s going to ask of me.
“She’s a student, Marcus,” I say. I have to try even though I know it won’t work.
“You’re not stupid, Jacob. You know what to do. Once you have her under your spell, you convince her to persuade her father to make generous ‘donations’ to the university.” He chuckles. “I’m sure a bright girl like her will understand the benefits of investing in her education.”
Bile rises in my throat as I consider the depravity of his plan. It’s despicable, unforgivable. And she’s going to think that’s all she means to me when she finds out. Because she will. She’s that kind of smart.
“I... I’ll try,” I manage, the words feeling like ash in my mouth. “She…might not like me. Not like that.” I have to put the idea in his head. Have to at least try.
“Oh, you’ll do more than try, Jacob. You’ll do everything you can to make that girl fall for you,” Marcus warns. “Do I need to remind you of the consequences if you fail?”
I know he’s not bluffing. Only now it’s not just my career on the line. Steph will be under public scrutiny. Now more than ever. There’s a very real threat that who we are to each other will be discovered. But if I go along with his twisted plan...Steph may never forgive me when the truth comes out. I’ll have betrayed the woman I love in the worst way possible. Revulsion wars with resignation inside me. I’ve never felt so helpless, so cornered.
“No, you don’t need to remind me,” I say, defeat weighing down my words.
There’s a beat of silence, then Marcus gives a happy chuckle that makes me feel subhuman. “Excellent. And I want to see some of my funds deposited directly into my account. I’m tired of waiting. Especially since I know more will be coming in. I’ll expect a transfer into my account today, and regular updates on your...relations with Miss Chandler.”
The call disconnects, but Marcus’s violation lingers. I toss my cell on my desk and bury my face in my hands. If she ever finds out the truth of what I’ve agreed to, she’ll hate me. I’m utterly, hopelessly trapped...with no way to protect the woman I love from the fallout to come.