Chapter 11
Chapter Eleven
TUCKER
December 19 th
I stare at the calendar, my stomach rolling at the sight. I’m running out of time, and while Mr. Cooper seems to like me, there’s been no talk of a deal. Julie keeps promising it’ll happen when she’s able to get some alone time with her dad over the weekend, but me?
Yeah, I’m not so sure.
She seems way more interested in the gingerbread house she’s building for us at the moment. I watch as her brows furrow, and she creates a door that is not nearly big enough for the gingerbread cookies Jessie is pulling out of the oven with Carly. It’s like the equivalent of asking me to use a dog door.
“Are you excited to ride in the parade this weekend?” Julie looks up to Carly, who’s busy pressing purple gumdrops to her white iced roof.
“Oh yes!” Carly answers, her little braids bouncing against her shoulder. “I think it is going to be so much fun. Momma said that I get to ride with you on Rudy, and that Tucker is going to dress up like Santa. ”
I nearly choke on the oxygen in my lungs. “Wait… Santa? I have to dress up like Santa?” I thought she meant like I had to wear a Christmas sweater or something—not the big, jovial senior citizen.
“The kids will love it,” Jessie hums, taking a seat at the table across from Julie and me. Carson is busy talking on the phone in the other room, and I can’t understand what he’s saying, but I’m already jealous of the way he’s avoiding this whole thing.
“We never get anyone to dress up like Santa,” Julie turns to me, her eyes alight with excitement, even though she looks a little embarrassed. “It’s always just women who ride, and it’s never seemed right for one of us to dress up like the man himself. We’re always just elves, and then Santa rides on the float behind us.”
“And why is this changing?” I eye the two of them.
“Well…” Julie’s voice trails off as her smile fades.
“He broke his hip,” Carly answers with a shrug. “Mr. Carlton can’t stand to sit on the bench anymore, and nobody else wants to do it.”
“Wow, okay.” I now feel guilty. “I hope he recovers…”
“Oh, he’s been recovered for months,” Jessie dismisses me with a wave. “He just is tired of sitting up there. I don’t blame him. He’s nearly ninety now. I think that he’d have retired a long time ago.”
“Why doesn’t someone else do it?”
“Because my mom signed you up to,” Julie groans, shaking her head. “She’s like that—probably trying to be the savior of the Christmas parade.”
“Right,” I mutter under my breath. “And haze me.”
“Probably,” Jessie giggles. “My first Christmas with the Coopers I had to be Mary for the live nativity, and I had no idea I had to sit for hours. Not to mention, the sheep got into something that upset her stomach…” Jessie visibly shuddered, but then tipped her head back in laughter. “But now I do it every year because I enjoy it.”
“But I don’t get to be baby Jesus anymore,” Carly huffs. “I only got to do it one time. Now I have to be an angel.”
“An angel is a good thing to be,” I say to her. “I’d rather be an angel than Santa.”
Carly giggles. “I’ll tell Grammy.”
“No,” Julie jumps in. “Then she’ll make him do both, and he’ll never want to come back to one of our Christmases ever again.” The sincerity in her voice hits me right in the chest. She’s a way better liar than I ever thought she’d be. Honestly, if I didn’t know this was all going to end in a week, I’d think she actually meant what she was saying.
“So, do you two have any plans for the holidays aside from suffering through another Cooper Christmas?” Jessie asks, giggling. “I heard there’s the ice-skating thing downtown. I haven’t been, but apparently, the town blew its yearly budget just for that.”
“ Oh, Daddy said he’d take me,” Carly chirps. “He can ice skate really good.”
“He can,” Jessie mumbles, shaking her head. “I’ve never understood how he’s able to be so good at everything he does. It’s impressive.”
“Meh,” Julie snorts. “I find him mediocre at best.”
Jessie and Julie burst into a fit of laughter that I don’t completely understand, and I’m thankful when my phone begins to vibrate in my pocket. Now, I have my out, just like Carson. I fish it out, and then frown.
Kip Madison.
I almost don’t answer, but maybe it’s the Coopers and their hardcore family values that convince me to accept the call. I stand to my feet, giving Julie an I’ll be back kind of look, and then slip out the side door.
“Hey,” I clear my throat, folding an arm over my chest as the sharp wind cuts through my henley.
“You finally answered your phone,” Kip chuckles, sounding amused and surprised all at the same time. “You still hanging around the cattle ranch for the holidays?”
“Uh, no,” I say carefully. I don’t really know Kip, but ever since we met a few years ago, he’s been trying hard to build a familial bridge between us—and to me, it’s awkward. “I’m in Hillsdale for Christmas.”
“That’s where you went to high school, right?”
I run a hand over my face. “Yeah, I lived here for three years in high school. It’s about the closest I have to a hometown, I guess.”
Kip is silent on the other end for a few beats, and I cringe, wondering if my comment came across like a jab at the family. I don’t hold it against them. They had no idea I existed. My parents didn’t tell a soul of my existence—and that’s the kind of thing you carry real deep in your chest.
“Well, I was hoping you were going to be closer,” Kip says finally, blowing out a sigh. “My parents still haven’t gotten to meet you. I know we’re related through my dad’s family, but we spend most of the holidays with my mom’s side. They’re really friendly though, and they’d love to have you…”
“Maybe next year.”
“How about New Year’s?” Kip blurts out. “For the last two years, you’ve told me the same thing—well, I mean, you’ve been dodging us. I know you probably don’t look at us with much fondness, and I get that, but… I’d really like to have you around. I don’t have any siblings or anything, and we got a lot in common.”
Guilt weighs on my chest, and I recount all the times I’ve blown him off. “I don’t know if I can make it on New Year’s,” I say, my eyes scanning the area, like someone might hear me. “I’ve got some cattle that have to be moved before then… And I’m still trying to secure the lease… But I can come visit after I get that settled.”
“Even if it takes till Valentine’s Day, I’ll be good with it,” Kip confirms. “And if you need help moving cattle—or with anything—let me know. I’m stuck here around Christmas because of the family, but I can be there to help you, Tucker.”
“Yeah, thanks,” I force out, knowing good and well I’d never ask Kip for help. I don’t ask anyone for help. I figure things out on my own.
“So…” Kip’s voice trails off. “Why are you in Hillsdale? Friends? A girl? You said you’d never set foot back in that town if you didn't have to.”
“Well, I had to,” I sigh. “But yeah, it’s… Uh… I’m just here with a friend.” I spit the words out as soon as I hear the backdoor opening. I catch sight of Jessie, Carson’s wife, stepping outside with a trash bag. “Anyway, I gotta go.”
“Yeah, well, have fun with your friend, ” Kip howls on the other line. “I know exactly what you’re saying, and for the record, be careful.”
“Why’s that?” I don’t even bother to correct him.
“Because you’re a Madison,” he says simply. “And while we’re tough on the outside, we’re not so much on the inside, so when we fall, we fall hard—we love hard—and then we get hurt hard.”
“Good to know. I’ll talk to you later.” I hang up the phone, and shove it in my pocket, all the while watching Jessie as she tosses the garbage out. I’m trying to gauge if she just heard me to refer to Julie as just a friend… But if she did, she doesn’t show it.
“They’re not so bad,” she says to me finally, pausing a few feet away. “They’re just a tight knit family, and I think at the end of the day, all they want for Carson and Julie is to be happy and loved.”
I nod, because I don’t know what else to do.
“You haven’t been back to Hilldale since you graduated, right?” Jessie takes another step toward me, searching my face.
“Yeah, that’s right.”
“Well, welcome back.” She gives me a half-hearted smile, and then steps back in the house, leaving me standing in the cold. I fold my arms across my chest, and stare out across the ranch, feeling some kind of way as the memories of high school come rushing back. I never came to the ranch all that often, and it was only with Nate when I did…
But I remember thinking it was my goal to have a place like this, and the fact that Nate just wanted to be with Julie so he could get it the easy way ground against every moral I’d managed to create for myself.
And she had no idea that’s why I left this town.
Julie has no idea that I’m the reason she found out about Maddie and Nate. I sent her the screenshots of their messages, and I thought at the time I was doing the right thing, but instead, somehow, I feel responsible for this whole mess. Maybe if I’d kept my mouth shut, Julie would’ve just broken up with Nate for some other reason…
Or they’d be married. With kids.
The thought penetrates my hard exterior, and I feel a pang of heartbreak. I rub my chest, like somehow, that’ll fix an ache that has nothing to do with my physical well being. I don’t like the way I feel at the moment, and I don’t like that Julie still can get to me. It’s been years since I had feelings for her…
Unless maybe they never went away.