Chapter 21
Chapter Twenty-One
TUCKER
“Deal is off,” I say flatly into the phone. “So Merry Christmas.” I floor it as the snow keeps falling, now blowing heavily as I head into town. “I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t lie, and I can’t be with Julie like this. I want her for real, and I don’t know what she wants. I told her I love her, and she just… stared. ”
“Ouch…”
“Yeah, I’m sorry.” I reach for the radio power button, shutting off the sound. “It just wasn’t the right thing to do. I should’ve never agreed to the deal in the first place.”
“Tucker, I don’t blame you for doing the right thing,” Cash says, sighing. “I get it. I do, and we’ll figure it out.”
I laugh dryly. “You refuse to accept the fact that we’re screwed. ”
“No, I just refuse to give up. That’s what it is, Tucker… Well, and I have a temporary place we can move the cattle to. It’s not lustrous green pastures, but it’s the middle of winter, so a dry lot should be fine for a month.”
I blow out a relieved sigh, though I surprisingly don’t feel all that better. I left Hillsdale years ago in better standings than just now. Not that it matters… But… “I can’t believe I let myself fall for her.”
Cash chuckles. “Must’ve gotten under the mistletoe one too many times. Too much spiked eggnog?” When I don’t even come close to laughing, he grimaces. “I’m sorry. I really am. You can crash here, and you can forget you ever went there.”
“I’m too tired to make the drive tonight,” I huff, pulling into the same stupid motel parking lot I had been sitting in a few weeks ago. “I’ll head out first thing in the morning, but…” I pause. “I think I might head up to visit Kip. He keeps inviting me for the holidays, and he’s my cousin so…”
“So, you should go. Get to know your family, Tucker. There’s more to life than work. It’d be good for you. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”
“Yep,” I say, putting the truck in park and eyeing the snow, now covering the ground. “Thanks for figuring everything out for the herd. You saved us.”
“Not really, but I do like the idea of having something to hang over your head.” Cash hangs up, and I shove the phone in my coat pocket. The light is on in the front office of the motel, and as much as I don’t think it’s fair to work on Christmas Eve, I’m thankful someone is. My truck is one of a handful in the lot, so I guess I’m not spending the night totally alone.
My boots crunch in the snow as I make my way to the office, the lump in my throat growing as my mind replays tonight. I should’ve told Julie about my feelings early—it would’ve saved time. Broke my heart before Christmas Eve.
Not that it matters. It’s my own fault.
“Good evening,” a younger man, probably in his early twenties greets me as I step into the warmth. “Can I help you?”
“Yeah, I just need a room for the night.” I grab my card and license, as the guy gets the form and key for me to fill out. Within just a few minutes, I’m headed back out into the picture-perfect Christmas Eve. Julie is getting her white Christmas, despite being sick the last few days.
Despite me ruining the holiday for her.
I grab my bag from the truck and head a couple doors down from it. It’s not the same room I stayed in before going to the ranch, but it’s on the same first level. I swipe the key, push the door in, and let it shut behind me. The room is quaint, one king bed, and bare as nails with its putrid orange color scheme. I toss the bag on the bed.
“I’ll bet Santa doesn’t come for me tonight,” I joke, swallowing the knot in my throat. I peel off my coat, and then reach for my phone out of the front pocket. If there’s anything I got from this whole disastrous Christmas deal is that I want a family, and I’m tired of pretending like I don’t.
It may be years before I have one of my own, but I do have extended family. Maybe it’s time to give them a chance—Christmas spirit and all that.
I scroll to Kip’s message thread of mostly unanswered texts and type out a rare blue bubble to him.
Me: Merry Christmas Eve. Think I could come by in a couple days?
Immediately, the three bubbles pop up and then a response.
Kip: Absolutely. Merry Christmas Eve to you, too!
Just as I’m about to respond once more, I freeze, hearing something outside of the motel. The distant hum of an argument reaches me, and out of pure curiosity, I trudge to the window to get a peek. Besides, the motel only offers like five channels, and a live fight is way better than Judge Judy reruns.
Except, as I draw the shades back, my eyes land on a fiery blonde with her hands in front of her, exasperation on her face.
Oh no.
I grab my coat and sprint for the door, ripping it open. “Julie! What’re you doing?” She whips around to me, at the same time the older, cranky lady yelling at her opens her mouth.
“I’ll tell you what she’s doing! She’s ruining my sleep, runnin’ around here knocking on the doors like a menace!” The woman throws her hands in the air. “I’m calling the cops. You need to get clean.”
“I’m not on drugs!” Julie explodes back. “I tried to tell you, I’m just trying to find…” Her voice trails off as she meets my gaze. “ Him. ”
The snarl on the disgruntled guest’s face doesn’t let up for even a second. She simply rolls her eyes and disappears back into her room, slamming the door behind her. It resounds in the quiet of the night, and the snow keeps falling as Julie races toward me, her nose reddened from the cold.
“You forgot this,” Julie huffs, holding out the buckle. “I didn’t want you to leave without it.”
I stare at the black case she’s holding out, my stomach knotting up. “Jules… I don’t… I don’t think…”
She shoves it into my hand, her fingers cold against mine. “I want you to have it, Tucker.” Her teeth chatter, despite the coat she’s wrapped up in. “I want you to have it, as much as I want you to have me , too.”
My brow raises. “Call me stupid, but I don’t really understand…”
She blows out a heavy puff of air. “I like you, Tucker, and I didn’t realize it, but I’ve been shutting myself off from love for most of my life. I don’t have feelings for Nate anymore, but I let the hurt from that relationship make me bitter, and it’s just… It’s kept me from seeing what’s right in front of my face.”
I nod slowly, though my heartrate pounds the opposite pace. “I see…”
Julie grabs my hand, squeezing it. “I don’t want to spend Christmas without you, Tuck. I’m actually not all that sure I want to spend any day without you, and above all, I think I fell in love with you, too.” She reaches up, tracing her fingers along my cheek. “Maybe I didn’t see you back in high school, but you’re all I see now.”
I don’t give her a chance to change her mind, leaning in and taking her lips. She melts into me, and I shove the buckle into my pocket so I can pull her closer. She tangles her finger through my hair as her lips part and our kiss deepens. My arm threads around her waist, and if the whole world sees us like this, I don’t care.
Breathless, we finally break apart after a few minutes, lost in each other. I brush her blonde hair from her face, and let my hand linger there. I don’t ever want to stop touching her, being near her, or loving her.
“I have a question,” Julie says, as I thumb away a rogue tear on her face. “And it’s a really important one.”
I nod. “Okay… Shoot.”
“Do you wanna build a snowman? Because…” She turns, gesturing out to the snow. “I think there might be enough for like a tiny one. Like a pint sized Frosty.”
I chuckle, intertwining my fingers with hers. “You know what? Yeah. Let’s build a snowman, Jules.”
A grin stretches across her face and her eyes sparkle beneath the streetlights. “Perfect, I’ll go grab my gloves!” She races off to her Jeep, parked beside my truck, and comes back in full winter gear, jogging through the snow.
“I’m going to see Kip in a few days,” I tell her as we start building as big of a snowman as we can with the couple of inches of snow we were gifted.
“Oh?” Julie stops as she places the head on our pathetic little Michelin man. “That’s exciting.”
I nod, placing a rock on the face for an eye. “You wanna go with me?”
She pauses as she draws a gawdy smile on its face, and then looks at me. “You know, there’s nothing I’d love more. Lord knows, I need a break from this place anyway after the scene we made.” She smirks at me, and then leans over, planting a kiss on my cheek. “Let’s do it.”
“Deal.” I pull her into my arms, and she lets out a happy squeal as my lips meet hers, happiness thrumming through my chest like real magic.
I guess as it turns out, Julie Cooper is all I ever really wanted for Christmas.
Past, present, and future.