Chapter Thirty-Three
Erin
Once my belly is full, I shake my head when Matteo holds up another strawberry. He pops it into his mouth then watches me with a pensive look while he chews.
He had alternated between feeding me and taking a bite himself, holding a glass of red wine to my lips between bites.
And I had complied. Not because I surrendered.
No, my mind had been replaying the events of the last twenty-four hours and I had felt too dazed and untethered to offer any resistance.
And also because I was hungry and the arancini were delicious.
Then a thought crashes into my mind and I turn to Matteo so suddenly his hand reflexively tightens around my middle.
“Matteo, we didn’t use a condom.” I gasp, feeling my hands become clammy.
“No, we didn’t.” His reply is clipped and detached.
I gape at him. “Wh-what do you mean ‘No we didn’t’? You… We can’t just—”
“We don’t need any, since you have an IUD,” comes his offish reply.
My brain glitches for a second. “Why— How…how do you even know this?”
His dark gaze pins me with its intensity. “Because there’s nothing about you I don’t know, little ghost.”
My heart drops further and I suddenly need to put some distance between us to clear my head. I push against his chest, but he doesn’t let me go. “Matteo, that’s insane! We still need to use protection, if this…if this happens again…” I trail off, feeling the heat creep up my neck.
His jaw tightens. “ When it happens again, you mean.”
I open my mouth to argue, but he cuts me off with a low, measured tone. “I’m clean. I’ve always used protection, always. And I know for a fact that you are clean too, because I saw your medical records.”
“You what?” I shriek. My heart is pounding so hard in my chest that I can hear it drum in my ears. “You hacked into my medical records?”
“Of course,” he says with a huff, as if I were the unreasonable one. “I need to know everything about you, there’s nothing you can hide from me.”
“Th-that’s insane…you’re insane,” I hiss.
He doesn’t reply, he merely watches me with that unreadable look of his.
This man, he is clearly deranged. I need to break free from his madness, find my normalcy again.
I lean back as far as his tight hold lets me, to look into his face.
“Matteo, I need to get back to work. The clinic…I can’t just vanish. They’ll wonder, and Lily is counting on m—”
“You won’t be going back there,” he snaps.
I blink at him, shocked by the tone of his voice. “Excuse me? You don’t get to decide that for me!” I start to get pissed now.
“I already spoke to Lily.”
“You what?” I screech, jaw dropping.
He goes on as if he were talking about the weather. “I called Lily and informed her that you won’t be going back to the clinic because you are too busy helping me tracking down the Manticore. She said she’ll inform the staff and tells you not to worry.”
“Y-you called Lily?” I whisper. My mind hangs on that bit of information. Suddenly, I see red. “You can’t just decide this kind of thing for me! That’s my decision to make, this is my life!” I scream.
He takes my chin in his hand and turns my face toward his, letting me see the darkness in their depths.
“No, little ghost, your life is what you’ll lose if you keep being reckless.
I won’t take any risks. And if I have to keep you locked in here until Manticore is in ashes, then I’ll fucking do it. ”
My breath hitches in my throat and my head spins.
But more than anything, my anger is burning so hot it threatens to break me.
I start to struggle on his lap, desperation and fury warring within me, pulling me into a pit where my mind shuts down and my instincts kick in to fight for escape.
However, his hold is absolute and all I am able to accomplish is to have him grab my wrists in his hand while his other hand pulls me tighter against him.
I thrash and pull against his hold until I am sobbing from the helplessness I have been forced into.
Matteo holds me silently against him, waiting for my anger to fizzle out.
After what feels like an eternity of helpless struggle, I finally slump against his chest, drained and breathing hard, and he holds me to him with my face buried in his neck.
I can smell his cologne and the scent of his skin underneath, so achingly familiar and intimate that tears gather in my eyes.
He strokes my side in slow, steady caresses.
“Are you done, amore ?” The low rumble of his voice is soothing, grounding. After a few heartbeats, I can breathe again.
I sniff against his neck. “You can’t just bulldoze into my life and take away everything from me, my job, my freedom, my free will…” I feel his grip tighten. “I need to feel in control again, I need a purpose.”
He shifts and drops a kiss on my forehead. “Then let’s give you a purpose, let’s hunt. But you’ll do it with me and on my terms, or not at all.”
I lean back to look up at him. “You’ll let me go to the office?”
“Depends. Will you behave and not run off on your own again?” he asks me, face serious.
I huff. “I’m not an unruly child you can bully into behaving with threats.”
He narrows his eyes at me with mock sternness. “That doesn’t sound like someone who wants to go back to work.”
“Fine,” I grumble. “I won’t go anywhere, unless I inform you about it. Happy?”
“Very.” He grabs my jaw to tilt my head back and smirks down at me. My heart stops when my eyes collide with his. Then it soars when his lips brush against mine in a lingering kiss.
* * * *
On Sunday, the driver pulls his car over at Lily and Damiano’s mansion for our weekly brunch. My nerves are frayed and I chew on my thumbnail, feeling tension coiling around my spine.
“Relax, little ghost.” Matteo leans over from beside me on the backseat and presses a kiss to my temple. But I can’t seem to shed my tension.
When we step inside, everyone is already sitting around the dining table, laughing and talking. The conversation slowly dies out when they spot me. Correction, when they spot us.
Matteo’s hand never leaves the small of my back as we walk up to the table. He pulls out a chair for me and I sit. He cups my jaw to tilt my head back and drops a lingering kiss on my lips as if to lay a public claim. Then he takes the seat next to mine without letting go of my hand.
Everyone is watching us in stunned silence and I feel my face heating.
Lucas lets out a slow whistle. “Well, would you look at that, La dolce vita in action.” And with that the tension is broken, Lily and Chiara chuckle, Damiano smirks around his espresso and I want to sink into the ground.
Lucas leans over the table from the other side and whisper-shouts in a conspiratorial tone, “Erin, blink twice if you need rescuing.”
I let out a breathless laugh, as does everyone else around the table.
Well, almost everyone. Matteo’s sharp voice cuts through our laughter like a whipcrack. “Shut the fuck up, Luc, and mind your own damn business.”
Lucas puts his hands up in mock surrender.
“Touchy.” And everyone erupts into snorts of laughs again.
Brunch passes in a blur of laughter and banter.
Matteo is glued to my side, never letting me drift further than an arm’s reach away.
Every time I move, he is there, his hand on my thigh under the table, lips grazing mine when he places slices of fruits onto my plate, eyes watching me like I will disappear if he lets me out of his sight for a single second.
When we finally scatter into the garden, Lily catches my hand and gently steers me to the outdoor lounge on the deck where we sit to sip our sparkling water.
“So,” she says with a small smile playing on her lips, “what’s going on between you two?”
I glance over to where Matteo is in conversation with Damiano and Lucas. He looks relaxed, but even from here I can feel his attention tuned to me. I shrug.
“I don’t really know because we haven’t really put a label on…this.”
“But are you happy? Safe?” Her eyes are probing but gentle.
“I…guess so.” I let out a long breath. “I’m okay, really. I’m safe. Matteo’s not what people think.” Then I remember how controlling he can be. “Um, Lily, about the clinic, I feel guilty for bailing out on you—”
“Oh stop.” She snorts. “You’re allowed to live your life. And I’ve already promoted Mira to practice director and hired a new vet.”
I blink. “You hired?”
“Yup,” she says smugly. “Because I’m an adult who delegates, unlike some people I know.”
I let out an embarrassed laugh.
“Seriously, though,” Lily says, not willing to let it go, gaze thoughtful. “Are you really fine?”
A beat goes by.
“I don’t know,” I say softly. “I feel like I’m not steering my life anymore, I’m no longer in control, and it’s terrifying, you know?”
Lily leans over to take my hand and squeezes it lightly. “Oh, Erin, I do know.”
I look up into her eyes. “And?”
“And maybe letting go isn’t always falling. Maybe it’s flying.”
I stare out into the garden, letting her words sink in.
Could I relinquish my control and hand it over to Matteo?