Chapter 5 Lucy #2
Dr Nelson gave a gentle smile but remained silent for several long moments. ‘Would you say you use humour as a coping mechanism?’
Geezus. Man, this doc was going for the jugular. ‘Would it be better if I was sitting here cantankerous and crying?’ Lucy didn’t like her tone towards the doctor. But the question was valid.
‘Not at all. Just trying to dive into the inner workings of Lucy Green.’
Another hour flew by as Lucy answered life history and family questions. Dr Nelson shook her pen, scribbled, and grabbed a new one. ‘Let’s talk separation anxiety. How will you keep detached from the foetus?’
Lucy breathed out as heat swept her face. ‘I don’t think it’ll be an issue.’
‘How so?’
Lucy wrapped her foot around her ankle. She opened and closed her mouth several times before any words formulated.
This question was not a shock. She had anticipated it and even prepared a little.
But saying it out loud made her wiggle in the seat.
‘I’m going to say something that might disqualify me completely. Like, seriously.’
Dr Nelson placed her hands in her lap with zero expression. ‘This is the time to get it out. Please share.’
Here goes nothing. ‘There are times that I am so not worried about connecting with Drew and Mason’s baby that I feel like I’m a psychopath.
’ She breathed in and exhaled a hefty breath.
‘Like, I want it to be healthy and whatever. But I really struggle to make, like, real connections with people. I don’t think that will change just ’cause it’s a bunch of growing cells housed in my belly. ’
Dr Nelson nodded but remained silent.
‘Honestly, Drew and my dad are really the only people I feel anything … deep for. Please don’t say that to Mason.
’ She could picture Mason’s sweet, analytic soul breaking down what that meant and taking it as a personal blow, not realising that Lucy’s lack of fuzzy, close feelings had always been her issue, and not a reflection on others.
‘It’s sort of been the crux of my relationship issues.
One common theme from break-ups is that the women I dated felt like I could take them or leave them.
And it sounds really crappy, but they weren’t wrong.
I was never disrespectful, obviously. And we seemed to enjoy each other’s company.
But when it was over, I just sort of moved on without looking back. I wasn’t really sad about it.’
Dr Nelson nodded. ‘Good news. You’re not a psychopath. But it sounds to me like you tend to dissociate.’
Lucy tugged at her skirt. ‘Oh, great. I saw a movie like that once. Does that mean I have multiple personalities and murder people while sleepwalking?’
The doctor smiled. But no laughter.
‘Tough crowd,’ Lucy muttered.
‘Dissociation or multiple personalities’ – Dr Nelson air quoted – ‘at least in the way you are speaking of, is not what this is. What you’re talking about is lacking the ability to feel intimacy.
And that’s not always a bad thing. In this case, being a surrogate, it may actually help you.
’ She looked at her watch. ‘Time to bring in the fathers.’
Lucy shuffled to the middle of the couch, then the end, then stood.
The men probably wanted to sit together, which meant she had to choose which side to sit on.
Which would be Drew, of course, but she didn’t want Mason to feel bad.
Mason was sensitive and kind, and the last thing she wanted was to highlight her allegiance to Drew. Or am I overthinking this??
When the dads entered the room, she stepped to the left, then turned and stumbled a few inches. ‘Um, do I sit in the middle of you two, or side, or—’
‘Why don’t you sit in the middle?’ Mason lowered himself into the right corner.
Drew took a seat on the opposite end, and she plunked down between them.
Dr Nelson crossed her trousered legs. ‘How did you all meet?’
Kindergarten, a shared love of Cheerios, art, and dinosaurs.
‘I met Drew at our Catholic school when we were six. Instant best friends, even though he stole my grape-scented pencil.’
Drew pushed up the sleeves of his lightweight Henley. ‘You’re such a liar. You know Jenny Reed took it, but you were crushing on her and couldn’t see past the lies.’
‘I was six!’ Lucy elbowed him in the arm. ‘And when Drew and Mason started dating junior year, Mason became a close second bestie.’
Drew lifted a finger. ‘But I’m still number one.’
‘Yes, Drew. You are the one and only forever.’ Lucy groaned. ‘I have my half-heart best friend tattoo with your name to prove it.’
Dr Nelson’s eyebrow flicked, and she scribbled. ‘Do you really have matching tattoos?’
‘Sorry, don’t write that down. I’m kidding.’ Lucy waved her hands. ‘For his twenty-fifth birthday, I got a temporary one as a prank and told him it was real.’
‘We did go the next year and actually got tattoos.’ Drew lifted his jeans to show a Gemini zodiac sign on his ankle. ‘But not matching.’
The doctor glanced at Mason. ‘Did you get one as well?’
‘Absolutely not.’ Mason chuckled. ‘Nope, I leave the shenanigans up to these two.’
The visual of perfectly sanitised, manicured, and polite Mason getting his body inked by a burly bear with a nose full of piercings almost made Lucy crack up. She snapped her stretch watch band against her wrist to keep her composure.
If Lucy thought they had already gotten personal this past hour, she had no idea how much deeper they were about to dive. The doc bombarded her with so many questions, she felt like the little metal ball in an arcade pinball machine.
‘If you’re in a horrible car accident, do the fathers have permission to keep you alive until the gestation date?’ (yikes, um … yep)
‘If the fathers decide they don’t want the child anymore, do you still waive rights to adopt?’ (of course)
‘Are you okay being interviewed by media?’ (sure)
‘If the fathers divorce, do you waive your rights to testify in a custody hearing?’ (definitely)
‘Do you agree to sign a form stating you will withhold from having sex with a biological male?’ (um, duh)
‘If you have a vaginal birth, can the husbands watch the baby eject, or do you request they stay at your shoulder?’ (The money shot? Hmmm. Need to think about this one.)
Lucy glanced at both men. Drew was twisting his wedding band, and Mason was a statue. She stared a moment longer just to confirm Mason blinked.
Dr Nelson closed the binder and held it against her chest. ‘Do you have any concerns about being a gestational carrier for Drew and Mason?’
Lucy’s chest filled with warmth. She had so many questions about life, didn’t always know the direction she would take, or what her future would hold.
And even though admittedly, there was still a part of her terrified of having a freaking baby, she’d never doubted that Drew and Mason would be amazing fathers. ‘None whatsoever.’
Dr Nelson nodded and her gaze passed over the men. ‘Gentlemen? Any concerns about Lucy being a gestational carrier for you?’
‘No.’ Drew’s and Mason’s voices rang in unison.
‘Okay.’ Dr Nelson stood and rolled the chair under the desk.
‘I’ll write up my assessment, review your MMPI, and send the findings to the fertility clinic.
I’ll also include the confirmation from today that all final medical decisions, as to what happens with Lucy’s body, including termination, are her sole decision.
You’ll need to file that paperwork with your lawyer prior to implantation. ’
Lucy thanked Dr Nelson for her time and followed the men to the elevator in silence. Their faces looked as emotionally fried as she felt.
When Lucy and Drew had casually floated the idea of surrogacy ten plus years ago, she could never have predicted the amount of effort that would go into the journey.
She was so focused on the medical part of it – how she would get pregnant.
For the last two years, when they dived into more serious discussions and research, she had no clue the amount of talking she’d have to do.
Honestly, it was all exhausting. After she gave birth, she was going to take a weeklong vacation to a bunker in the forest. Alone.
The car ride home was quieter than usual. After Drew and Mason dropped her off, she waved while they backed out of the driveway, then jiggled her key into the door.
Chucky hoisted himself up with his arthritic legs and trotted over to her, his tail wildly wagging. ‘Hi, baby! Were you a good boy?’ After showering him with belly rubs and ear scratches, she made a sandwich and plopped on the couch. Chucky nestled himself next to her.
She grabbed her phone for her obligatory five-minute check-in with her dad.
When she was younger and he was working shifts at the post office, he took his break precisely at the time when the school bus dropped her off, and he’d call her on the house phone.
If she didn’t answer by the second ring, there’d be extra chores for her that evening.
He’d ask her the same three things: how was school, did you eat, do you have homework.
When she moved out after high school, she called him once a night and always asked him three random questions.
He picked up on the second ring.
‘Did you order the extra sheets for the guest bed, did you take your blood pressure medication, and did you see that the Vikings are going to suck in the fall?’
‘Yep, yep, and you’re wrong.’ A heavy breath sounded over the phone, and she could just imagine him sitting in his favourite chair for their chat. ‘You had your fancy shrink appointment today?’
‘Sure did.’ She withheld telling him that no one used the word ‘shrink’ anymore.
‘Well, I figure they found you completely unfit, and you all can knock this nonsense off.’
To the outside world, his words might seem harsh, but she knew his heart. She kicked off her slippers and tucked her feet under her legs. ‘If that happens, you have to tell Drew.’
‘Hell no. That boy used to be so scrawny. Such a little shit. Now he has muscles for days. If I told him that, he’d probably throw me over his shoulder and toss me in the cornfields.
’ The sound of her dad gulping back a drink echoed through the phone.
‘Guess you better stick with your plan then, huh?’
‘Guess so.’ Chucky nudged Lucy for more rubs. She obliged. ‘On Sunday, you want rhubarb pie, or should I bring some bars?’
‘Bring the ones with the cornflakes and peanut butter on the bottom,’ he said. ‘Time’s up. Gotta go feed the chickens. All righty.’
And with that, per Dad MO, he clicked off without saying goodbye, which was fine enough for her tonight anyway. She needed to veg out after today. Her tongue felt raw, and her brain was crispy. She turned on the TV, but choosing something to stream right now sounded awful.
Maybe a brain-dead quick scroll through social media would help her achieve optimal zone-out status. She opened an app, looked at the gazillion notifications from not opening the app for six months – and noticed the little message icon flashing.
She tapped, and a picture popped onto her screen: the gift basket she’d sent to the salon earlier today. Lucy perked up. Her chest perked. Her freaking skin perked.
I was confused at first. Sriracha makes sense.
Chocolate, always a crowd pleaser. But the eucalyptus spray, I didn’t understand.
Until I did. Heavenly. I’ve sprayed it over the whole salon, my car, my boots, and am currently contemplating taking a bath in it.
Anyway, just wanted to thank you for the gift. Hope you have a great weekend! ~Jade
Lucy read the message more than a dozen times. She could leave it right there, smile at the kind note, and then go to bed. Done. But …
‘What do you think, Chucky? Thoughts on the matter?’ She rubbed his scruff.
The dog cocked his head. Clearly, no help at all.
Lucy raised and lowered her twitchy thumbs over the screen so many times that she was pretty sure her fingers were going to cramp.
What do I do? Let this go, or take a chance?
She kept looking at Chucky, and then back at the phone, hoping that one of them would give her the clarity she needed.
After exhaling a full breath, she straightened her back and tapped the screen.