Chapter 35 Lucy
Lucy
‘Ahhhhhhhh!’ Lucy screamed into the tearing contraction as Jade absorbed Lucy’s death-grip on her hand. Drew was on Lucy’s other side. Searing fire ripped through her belly, and she attempted to ‘he, he, whoooo’ through the pain.
Mason wiped a cool towel against her forehead and held out a shaky cup of ice.
Almost five hours into the escalating contractions and the baby was stuck, refusing to budge.
Lucy’s abdomen ached, her whole body felt torn and shredded, her eyelids were heavy, her energy depleted.
Voices hovered, the dads and Jade offering words of encouragement, but Lucy couldn’t focus.
Fingers inspected her insides, and at this point, she barely noticed.
‘You’re dilated to five. This is good. You’re moving along.’ The nurse snapped off her gloves and tossed them into the trash.
The pain was unbearable, and she was only at a five? Did that mean it was going to get five times worse? Panic seized her chest and her vision clouded. I can’t do this. How could any woman do this? The movies, the books, everyone she’d talked to – nothing had prepared her for this.
‘Gah!’ An unexpected contraction ripped through her, crushing her pelvis, moving her five-minute reprieves between contractions to less than four.
Ringing sounded in her ears, and the room blinked in and out of focus.
She pulled Jade’s hand into her lap. ‘I can’t do this. I can’t do this! It hurts too much.’
Jade squeezed her hand back and pushed sweaty, matted hair from Lucy’s forehead. ‘You can do this. You are a goddamn warrior.’
Mason and Drew were now watching helplessly from the corner, their mouths moving in quiet conversation, their worried eyes focused on Lucy.
Lucy watched them warily. Drew, probably the designated point man, approached the bed.
‘Lucy, I know … we know … all medical decisions are up to you.’ He swallowed and glanced back at Mason, who thumbed his glasses and gave him a brief nod.
Lucy already knew what he was going to say, the same thing they’d alluded to for the past two hours.
They wanted her to take pain medication, but her brain was cloudy, and she was terrified she’d make the wrong decision.
What if the drug hurt the baby? What if it came out high and went through withdrawals because of her selfishness in not being able to withstand what women worldwide endured?
And now her best friends would have a drug-addicted baby on top of having a preemie and then she truly would have ruined everything!
‘Take the drugs, Lucy. Please.’ Drew’s voice cracked, and he sucked in a breath. ‘Please … I can’t see you in any more pain …’ One dry muffled sob escaped, and he covered his mouth.
Lucy couldn’t think between the contractions.
She heard murmurs of ‘blood pressure elevating’ as nurses joined the room, a doctor checked in on her status …
people flitted in and out of her spotty peripheral vision.
Drew stood at the end of the bed, dragging his hands down his cheeks as Mason whispered to the nurse.
‘I don’t know what to do.’ Lucy clung to Jade’s arm, her teeth gritted, her belly compressing, preparing for another searing wave. ‘What should I do?’
Jade wiped Lucy’s matted hair from her face. ‘I can’t make this decision for you. I want to, but I can’t.’ Jade dropped her hands, her gaze holding Lucy’s. ‘You’ve got to do what’s best for you. Not the baby, not the dads. You.’
Another contraction tore through Lucy and she ground her teeth so hard she was pretty sure her molars cracked. Her heartbeat thudded in her ears. ‘Give me the drugs.’
Two more hours passed, hushed words, screams -– her own – and more unbearable contractions.
Jade at her side, Jade by her feet, Mason gripping her shoulders, Drew squeezing her hand.
And then, Lucy felt it – a drop, quick, sudden, pushing against her bladder and pelvis.
Now? Right now of all times and she had to go to the bathroom? ‘Nurse?’
‘Yes, what can I do?’
Lucy looked at her love, her bestie, her friend all staring back. ‘You guys go to the corner. Private convo.’ Her snipped words carried the weight of a drill sergeant, and they immediately split. ‘I have to go to the bathroom. Like, really bad, right now.’ Lucy started rising from her position.
The nurse laid a hand on her shoulder. ‘It’s time. Baby’s ready.’
Frantic, Lucy shook her head. She was not getting it. ‘No, like the bathroom. Not the baby.’
‘We need to get ready to push.’ The nurse radioed the doctor and put on a gown.
Why isn’t she hearing me! ‘Please, you don’t understand.
I’m … ugh … I have to poop!’ God, this was so embarrassing, but not nearly as embarrassing as shitting the bed with an audience.
Another contraction and Lucy yelled. The meds softened the pain, but she could still feel her insides stretching and squeezing.
‘Lucy, that’s what it feels like.’ The nurse leaned closer to her ear. ‘I promise, if you do poop, I’ll cover for you. No one will know.’
Fuck it. ‘Fine. I gave you a fair warning.’ The exhaustion was so deep, seeping into her bone marrow. Her body felt tense and limp and strong and weak all at once.
‘Dads, partner, it’s time,’ the nurse called out.
Hurried footsteps, latex gloves, a doctor putting a gown over scrubs.
In a snap, Mason was at Lucy’s shoulders.
Drew moved to the foot of the bed, whipped off his shirt, fully prepped for immediate skin-to-skin.
Hands guided her to grip under her knees to yank towards her chest. Voices called out inaudible instructions.
Her lungs couldn’t fill fast enough. Screams, shaking limbs, a ring of fire screeching through her bottom, more screams, breaths, someone yelling ‘push!’ and ‘breathe!’ blanketing her and … release.
Lucy flung her head back into the pillow, the veins in her neck on the verge of popping, and the sweet, sweet sound of a baby crying filled the space.
Through snipping, hushed words, and wet kisses planted on her forehead, she blinked at Drew.
He sat, holding the baby against his bare chest, as nurses added blankets on top of the baby.
Mason crumbled next to him, fat tears rolling down his cheeks, one shaky arm thrown over Drew, one on the baby’s back. ‘Thank you … thank you, Lucy …’
Tiredness overwhelmed every cell in her body, but she forced her eyes open, telling herself to brand this image into her brain, the moment she’d dreamed about for years.
This was what pure, unconditional love looked like.
Overcome with emotion, she sobbed. Jade pulled her into her chest, stroking her hair, kissing her head.
She heard Jade tell the guys Lucy would be fine and to keep focusing on the baby, and whispered into Lucy’s ear how proud she was.
More footsteps came, a beeping of a machine, nurses and the dads talking.
Lucy tried to focus, but everything muddied.
A kaleidoscope of worried faces blurred – Drew handing the baby to a nurse and tugging his shirt back over his head, Mason nodding frantically, the nurses scurrying and radioing with quick, sharp voices.
‘What’s … going on?’ Lucy mumbled, her tongue thick and heavy. ‘Jade, what the hell is going on?’
The nurse placed the baby in the incubator and in a second, the room cleared, minus Lucy, Jade, and one nurse, who picked up an armful of soiled linens to dump in a bin, and then continuously checked Lucy’s vitals.
Where was the baby? The look on Mason’s face …
God, she was so tired; she tried to grab Jade’s hand but went limp.
Her brain fuzzed, shorted, the words stuck in her throat.
‘Jade … please …’
Jade took a deep breath. ‘Something’s wrong with the baby. They took her to NICU.’