Chapter 21
Everything froze. My hand halfway to my chair, my heart in my throat. I blinked and, after I sucked in a breath, the world moved once more.
Hiding my sweating palms in my skirts, I made my way to the seat to his right side. The implications were not lost on me as I forced one foot and then the other in front of me.
When I arrived, Blackthorn stood, making me step back. When he pulled my chair out for me, my shoulders sagged in relief.
Hoping Blackthorn hadn’t noticed my nervousness, I swept my skirts into my hands and sat. I hid my hands in my lap, stiffening as he pushed my chair in for me. Fingers brushed along the side of my neck, tickling my hair and making my breath catch before they were gone.
I stared at my plate all the while watching Blackthorn move back to his seat out of the corner of my eye. His gaze laid heavily on me, making my cheeks burn and my pulse race.
When Balyn walked into the room, I was more than eager for the distraction. “Hey, how are you? I haven’t had a chance to come to the kitchens lately.”
“I’m well. We miss you.” Balyn grinned at me, then his eyes fell on Blackthorn and his smile flattened. He cleared his throat and held out the wine bottle. “Would you like something to drink?”
“I'll take that.” Blackthorn snatched up the bottle before Balyn could pour me a glass. He turned to me, holding my glass as he poured the wine.
I gave Balyn a tight smile. He winked at me before heading back to the kitchen. When he was gone, I turned to Blackthorn with a scowl, all previous nervousness gone. “You didn’t have to be so rude.”
Blackthorn’s brows lifted. “He was flirting with you.”
He offered me the glass, and I snatched it from his hand, making sure not to brush his fingers.
“No, he wasn’t. He was just being nice.” I sipped from my glass, turning my face away from him.
The sound of Blackthorn’s chuckle did something visceral in my body that I didn’t know how to explain. “So quick to defend someone you don’t even know.”
I sat my glass down with a loud clink, eyes narrowing on him. “I know Balyn.”
Blackthorn watched me, a small smile on his lips as he leaned back in his seat, hands laced over his stomach, his black shirt straining against his muscles. “Do you now?”
The confidence in his voice made my answer come out slowly and hesitant. “Yes?”
His lips ticked at my answer. “So, you know that I found him half dead from being beaten by some woman’s husband? And you know that he has a bad habit of charming a woman out of her undergarments and then losing interest?”
I cleared my throat before picking my glass up and taking a large swallow.
Obviously, I didn’t know Balyn as well as Blackthorn did. Then again, he had been here with him for years. It did make what I thought was Balyn just being nice — trying to make me feel comfortable — into something far less kind.
“He’s harmless,” I muttered, standing by my earlier defense.
Blackthorn’s chair creaked as he bent forward. His hand was cool against my own. “Is that what you want? Harmless?”
My eyes flickered down to his hand, the weight of it sending a tingle up my arm, making me squirm in my seat. “No, I mean, yes. I mean, there’s nothing wrong with someone who’s harmless.”
“But it’s not what you crave. What you need.” Blackthorn’s voice dropped an octave, gaining a rumbling quality to it. “Harmless is someone who needs to be taken care of.”
His fingers traced a path up my arm, leaving a trail of fire in its wake. That finger caught a piece of my hair and curled it around his finger.
“And what?” I let out a shaky break, glancing up at him beneath my lashes. “What do you think I need?”
“You take care of everyone around you,” Blackthorn continued, his fingers brushing the line of my jaw. “Even rushing to a stranger’s side to help them. Except... who takes care of you?”
I fought against the urge to lean into his touch; to distract myself my fingers rearranged the silver ware next to my plate. “I enjoy being needed.”
“Being needed and not having your own needs met are not exclusive to one another,” Blackthorn stated, letting his hand drop from my face, but he didn’t lean back in his seat.
“I—”
Before I had a chance to speak, Balyn returned with my dinner. He placed the steaming plate before me and quickly walked back to the kitchen, not lingering like he usually did. Probably due to Blackthorn’s rudeness earlier.
However, Cookie had out done himself this time. The roast beef before me was succulent, juicy, and melt-in-your-mouth good. So much so that I let out a small sound with each bite.
Blackthorn cleared his throat.
My face burned, realizing what I must sound like to him. I chewed my bite, quickly swallowing it down before reaching for my glass so I could avoid his penetrating gaze.
“Your food is to your satisfaction, I presume?” Blackthorn’s voice had dropped low again more so than before. It had a hunger to it that made me look up, meeting his dark gaze.
Licking the remnants from my lower lip, I let out a shaky breath. “Yes, it’s delicious.” I pushed my food around on my plate unable to take another bite while he was watching me. “You’re not... eating?” I wasn’t sure what the correct terminology was for a vampire drinking blood.
“No.” Blackthorn’s eyes flicked from my lips to my eyes. His elbow leaned on his chair away from me as if restraining himself from coming closer. “I cannot have what I hunger for... yet.”
He let the final word sit between us, turning the air thick with tension and longing.
I picked at my food, eyes darting to the side to look at him discretely or what would have been discrete if Blackthorn ever took his eyes from my face. Swallowing thickly, I coughed.
“I’m sure whoever’s turn it is will be sorely disappointed.”
Blackthorn waved my comment away. “They feed me out of obligation, nothing more. It’s been decades since I have embraced someone who truly wanted the pain and pleasure of my bite.”
The way his eyes slid down my form, lingering on my heaving chest before coming back to my face, made my entire body hot. My thighs pressed together to quell the heat there. The prospect of pain should have had me making excuses to leave.
But there was something in the way he said it — the pain and the pleasure — that had me undeniably curious. That adventurous part of me that had left my little island to come to Candiopolis was rearing its head after years of being shoved down for self-preservation.
I let out a nervous laugh. “I wouldn’t know much about that. You’re the first vampire I’ve come across.” I picked up my glass, going in for a drink only to realize it was empty already.
“Here, let me.”
Before I could process it, his larger hand wrapped around mine, holding the glass steady while he poured more wine into my glass.
I stared at that hand, focusing on the feel of it against mine. Forbidden thoughts filled my head. Those pale hands brushing across my skin, cupping my breasts, sliding between my thighs, holding my hands as the vampire pushed me closer and closer to ecstasy.
So startled by the visceral images, I jerked my hand back, knocking the glass onto the table, spilling its contents all over the table. I pushed back, standing from my seat before the wine could spill onto my lap.
“I’m so sorry...” I murmured quickly, face burning. “Excuse me.”
I didn’t wait to see if he was mad or if someone would clean up the mess, completely out of character for me. Which said all there was to say about how off kilter my captor made me feel.
My feet raced out of the dining room and didn’t stop until I reached the main foyer. I almost headed straight to his bedroom, where he would surely confront me about what had happened.
Not willing or able to face him until I had gotten a hold on myself, I changed my direction toward the gardens.
I sank onto a bench, gripping the back of it while I breathed heavily. Each breath pulled in a lungful of floral scents, somehow calming my racing heart.
The stars were barely visible with nightfall ending and day beginning. It was strange to think that I’d been here so long that I’d become used to going to bed when I would have usually been getting up for the day.
Twisting in my seat, I stared out at the garden before me. Blackthorn had shared this with me. Something so personal and sacred to him. It had really made me see the other side of the vampire and not the vicious monster the villagers would call him.
Oh, if they could see me now.
I let out a short laugh, pressing a hand to my face.
Subjectively, Blackthorn could be seen as attractive by some. I’d always considered myself someone who cared more about a person’s personality over their looks, having been fooled many a time by a pretty face. Except there’s an intensity about him that made my heart race every time he was near.
I sank into the bench, blowing out a hard breath. What was wrong with me? I couldn’t really be falling for my captor, could I?
For a moment, just a heartbeat, I considered what it would be like to stay here with Blackthorn.
To live out my days with just him and the handful of servants.
No waking up before the rest of the world and working until exhaustion.
No fear of what kind of mood Rumple was in that day.
I could almost see myself being... happy.
That single thought was all that was needed to make me cry out, a vicious jolt of pain that pulled me off the bench and onto my hands and knees.
Grasping my stomach, I braced my other hand on the group and breathed through the pain, forcing myself to think of returning to the factory. That staying here wasn’t an option.
No matter how much my heart was starting to think otherwise.