Chapter 15 Not Even That Great
Not Even That Great
ELI
I’m inside her.
No longer a virgin, no longer isolated and alone. I can’t help the movement as my hips pump against her ass. She’s warm, feels so good, so good, so tight. I keep trying to hold myself back from hurting her, but it’s so damn good.
So good. My brain instantly comes up with all the adjectives to describe what heaven would be like and I think I just found a plethora of them, and yet good is all that keeps repeating in my head like I’m on default and have no actual thoughts in my brain other than I never want this to end.
Ava’s palms are flat against the tile, but her fingers are nearly white as they dig in with every thrust. Nothing fills that darkness around me, it’s like I’m in a dream. The sound of her moans, and the sound of our bodies together. They give me life.
“I’m sorry,” I growl.
“I’m sorry. I can’t stop. I’m—” My jaw flexes as I clamp my teeth down so I don’t part my lips and do what I want to do.
What I’m born to do.
Find my mate.
Her body responds so beautifully, clutching around me until I’m literally stuck inside her just moving, pinning her to the tile, my fangs descend, I know if I latch on, we’re both screwed, figuratively, literally.
It can’t be undone.
And while I don’t know how it works with half-werewolves, I know that purebreds mate for life.
She barely knows me.
I flip her against the tile then think twice about it, pull out of her and within minutes we are back inside and I’m tossing her onto the breakfast bar, careful to cradle her head before I cover her body with mine. She’s half naked, but I need to see her.
I know I look like a maniac, but she has no fear in her eyes, she just grips me by the biceps, then meets my mouth as my head descends.
Her lips are soft, her taste my Eden. Our tongues meet thrust for thrust, and as the kiss deepens, so does my resolve not to make this choice for her, without knowing what I am, what could happen.
I’m ready to threaten her when she grabs my length and I’m suddenly gone all over again, with every pulse I inch inside her, slowly this time, until I’m completely lost, sunk all over again, in the only place I want to be.
She grips me by the hair and for the first time, I’m not worried about hair, I’m not worried about anything, only her desire.
We break apart panting, her lips are wet from mine. Her eyes searching as our bodies move in sync as if we’ve been doing this together forever, as if having sex on is just another Monday.
The moment feels fleeting, like sweet blissful torture I know I can never repeat. Let me just have this moment.
A few more seconds and I’ll stop.
She pulls my head back down and kisses the corner of my mouth and then down my jaw. Fuck, I grip her by the shoulders as I lose complete control. My yell shakes the apartment.
I nuzzle her neck then hold her in place, her back arches, her head lolls to the side just begging me to kiss that exact spot she’s giving me access to.
I grip her neck, my fingers digging into her skin.
“I need you to run.” I barely get out the sentence.
“Run the hell out of here and never come back.”
My body strains to finish with her, then start over, again and again.
Her own body goes rigid against me, finding release—however primal it was between us, however short because of me.
Good, at least one of us finishes without regret—but I need to get away before I’m tempted to take the pulse and join her blood with mine, before I’m tempted to never let her go, before I trap her in my house for the next two evenings over the next two full moons.
The pain will be excruciating now—after having her, after losing my virginity, the moon will remind me every time of the pain of not having her by my side until it will be unbearable.
I try to pull away from her, but my brain and body can’t physically connect on that level of insanity.
It’s all up to her.
Or maybe it’s up to me. So I do the shittiest thing I’ve ever done in my entire life. To protect her. To keep her safe.
“It was just fucking,” I grate out.
“And it wasn’t even that great… but I appreciate the effort, now leave!”
I yell the last part.
She stumbles out of her stupor and looks around the room in a daze, tears in her eyes, they finally land on mine. They’re shining a weird purple and blue. Something I’ve never seen before.
God, they shimmer, and as soon as I see it.
The shimmer leaves nothing but darkness and pain, embarrassment I put there because I had no self-control.
I open my mouth to say something, but what can I actually say? You’re lucky this werewolf bastard didn’t bite you? You’re lucky that you won’t be tied to me forever when I know I’ll look back on this moment and regret everything, selfishly, I’ll regret it all.
I’ve been tempted my whole life to want more.
I’ve never been tempted, however, to want more for another person other than Gabe, but I want that for Ava.
I don’t deserve whatever kindness she has in her soul, and I sure as hell don’t deserve to claim her as mine when I know how badly that can end for people who aren’t willing.
I lift my chin.
“Get dressed. Leave.”
I’m still hopelessly naked.
She takes one look at me.
“Am I fired?”
“No.” I snap.
“I just didn’t realize your duties would take you this far.”
Tears stream down her cheeks.
“I didn’t mean…” She squeezes her eyes shut.
“I swear, I didn’t know. I didn’t mean for any of this to happen, I’ve never had this happen with a boss before. I wasn’t trying to seduce you.”
“You can’t help it,” I whisper.
“Even if you wanted to. It’s in your blood.”
And it truly feels like it is.
She swallows and awkwardly grabs her clothing, pulling them on, her shirt backward, her shorts barely covering her ass before she points to the bar top.
“Left the portfolio. I’ll just be getting back.”
The door slams hard behind her.
And the first of the pain, within minutes, as if breaking my bones, crunching my body, begging my soul to live it—appears.
All because I kissed her and couldn’t stop.