Chapter 9 Solana
Chapter nine
Solana
I hold onto Kade's hand as tightly as I can for the rest of the ride. My fingers are wrapped around his, squeezing hard enough that it probably hurts, but he doesn't pull away, occasionally rubbing his thumb across my knuckles in slow, soothing circles.
I wasn't scared of him. Not really. I was scared of the situation, of what his words might mean, of whether I could trust this sudden change in my circumstances. But his scent calmed me in an almost contrasting way to Dustin's.
Dustin's scent was carefree and made me feel alive, like sunshine breaking through clouds after weeks of rain. Kade's scent felt safe and solid, anchoring me to the ground. It felt like home, like nothing could get to me as long as I stayed close to him.
Even if I knew that in a month, Harmony would find a way to drag me back into that hell.
The paperwork Kade signed included a mandatory check-in, a trial period to ensure I was adjusting properly.
They would come to the ranch and evaluate me, and if they decided I wasn't thriving, they could revoke the placement and send me back to those gray walls and thin mattresses and the constant fear of saying or doing the wrong thing.
Until then, I would believe this promise of a ranch and the happiness their house was supposedly providing. I would let myself hope, even if hope felt dangerous.
The scenery outside the window starts to change as we get farther away from civilization, the buildings growing sparse and then disappearing altogether.
More trees appear, their branches creating a canopy over the road.
The sounds of traffic fade until there's only the hum of the engine and the occasional bird call filtering through the closed windows.
I’m sure it’s probably peaceful but right now, in the dark, it’s too quiet.
My chest tightens as I watch through the window, the trees growing denser with every mile.
I tighten my hold on Kade's hand, my pulse starting to race.
Where are we going? How far out is this ranch?
What if this isn't a ranch at all but somewhere worse than Harmony House?
Somewhere they can do whatever they want without anyone hearing me scream?
Dustin looks at me through the rearview mirror, concern echoing in his expression. He's trying to understand my reaction, to figure out why my scent is souring again.
Tears form in my eyes as panic claws its way up my throat. I start looking around wildly, taking in the enclosed space of the truck. Four walls pressing in on me. Dark-tinted windows blocking out most of the light. The doors locked, trapping me in here.
I let go of Kade's hand and start fumbling at the door handle, my fingers slipping on the smooth plastic. I need out. I need air. I need to not be trapped in this small, dark space.
And then I realize what it is. The truck reminds me of the isolation room.
The walls closing in, the darkness, the silence.
It doesn't matter that this is a vehicle and not that horrible gray cell.
My body doesn't understand the difference.
All it knows is that I'm enclosed and trapped and I haven't done anything wrong, but they're punishing me anyway.
I pull at the handle harder, my other hand banging against the window. "Let me out. I'll be good, I promise. Please, I'll be good."
Tears stream down my cheeks as the truck pulls to a stop. The door opens and I practically fall out, catching myself on my hands and knees in the soft grass beside the road. I crawl away from the truck, needing distance from those four walls.
Kade is there in the next instant, his arms wrapping around me as he pulls me against him, settling me so I'm straddling his lap in the grass. I bury my head into his neck, breathing in that cedarwood and leather scent, trying to ground myself and remember that I'm not in the isolation room.
"I've got you, baby girl." His voice rumbles through his chest as his hand comes up to cradle the back of my head, holding me closer.
My whole body is shaking with the force of the panic rushing through me, another presence settling beside me, the combination of their scents wrapping around me and giving me a little more relief.
Dustin runs a hand up and down my back, further soothing my panic.
"What happened? You were doing okay and then you just started panicking. "
"I didn't do anything wrong." The words come out muffled against Kade's neck. "I'll do better. I promise I'll do better."
Dustin frowns, the confusion radiating off of him. "Solana, what are you talking about?"
Kade pulls me back a little bit, his hands moving to rub up and down my arms. "You haven't done anything wrong."
I force myself to look at him and meet those dark brown eyes. "The truck. It reminded me of when they put me in a space. After they caught me with Dustin, they put me in isolation. It was small and dark and quiet and I was alone and I couldn't get out."
Dustin jostles Kade's shoulder as the Alpha blows out a breath. The sound is almost a snarl but he pulls it back, his jaw clenching with the effort. I can see the rage flickering across his face, before it’s quickly suppressed.
"I'm sorry." I drop my gaze back to his chest, unable to maintain eye contact. "I didn't mean to cause problems. I just couldn't breathe in there."
"You have nothing to be sorry about." Kade's voice is firm, leaving no room for argument. "What will make this easier? Tell me what you need."
I chew my lip, trying to figure out how to explain what happened without making him angry.
"It was silent and dark in there. The isolation room. No windows, no sounds except my own breathing. Being in the truck started to feel the same way. It’s really dark out here and even darker in the car and I just.. ."
Kade gives me a small smile, his hand coming up to caress my cheek. I lean into the touch automatically, craving the comfort. "Okay, I think we can change that."
Dustin shifts beside us. "You need something, don't you? To make the rest of the drive bearable?"
I nod slowly, not entirely sure what I need but knowing I can't get back in that truck the way it was. "Can we just stay here for a moment? I need a minute to catch my breath."
"We've got all the time in the world." Kade settles more comfortably in the grass, adjusting me in his lap so I'm pressed against his chest. "Take as long as you need."