14. Nobody Needs That Much Sugar
Nobody Needs That Much Sugar
Missy
‘Jonah, would you like a drink, sweetie?’ I call out from the kitchen to my boy as he sits on the living room floor, watching The Polar Express for the second time today.
‘No thanks, Mama.’
I smile as I glance around the room. This is our sanctuary — this beautiful space, all lit up and decorated for Christmas, my son’s favorite movie on the TV, my perfect kitchen, and the olive green walls I dreamed about for years. This is our home, and I love it.
Leaving the kitchen, I head toward the couch and notice that Jonah looks a little off.
‘Baby, you okay?’
He turns to look at me and shrugs.
‘Jonah, what’s wrong?’
He takes a deep breath and considers his words.
‘Am I going to see Daddy soon?’
Oh. That’s the first time he has ever asked that question. I haven’t heard from Bax in months. I texted him to tell him we were moving and that he could call me if he wanted to know where or to discuss his son, but he never did.
‘Um, do you want to see him?’
‘No.’
‘Okay.’ I smile softly and open up my arms to him. He climbs up onto my lap, and I stroke his hair. ‘If you don’t want to see him, why are you asking, honey?’
‘Bowie went to see her mama today, and I haven’t seen Daddy in a long time,’
‘Jonah, listen to me. I’ll never make you go and see Daddy if you don’t want to, not anymore. If you do want to see him, you can ask me, and I’ll call him, okay?’
He nods yes and wraps his little arms around my neck.
‘I love you, buddy, you’re my best friend.’
‘Love you, Mama.’ Releasing me, he sits back, ‘Can we make cookies?’
I laugh at the change of subject. ‘Right now?’ He nods as I check the time. It’s just after one in the afternoon — plenty of baking time. ‘Okay, honey. Go wash your hands.’
‘Oh, that’s a good one, baby.’
I sit back and watch as he goes to town decorating the cookies while I make up little boxes. He’s decided he wants to give them out to our family here.
‘This one is for Nick.’ He grins, and I school my features.
‘You want to give some cookies to Nick?’
In fairness to the Grinch across the hallway, he has always been nice to Jonah. He holsters his hatred of me in favor of lowering to eye level with my son and showing an interest in whatever Jonah wants to talk about, which is usually animals, because he loves them, and he knows Nick is a vet.
‘Yeah, he’s our friend.’
I inhale. ‘Well, he’s our neighbor.’
Jonah’s little shoulders drop, and he frowns at me.
‘People can be friends with their neighbors.’
‘Yeah…’
‘Grandma Lynnie and Grandpa Merv are friends with Uncle Buck and Aunt Lucy.’ My heart swells as I hear him call them by the names they insisted on him using.
‘Okay, sweetie, we can give cookies to Nick.’
Nic k
‘ Nick .’
I look up in time to see Jonah running into my office, grinning. I smile at him as I hold up my hand to high-five him. I’ve been enjoying bumping into him in the hallway and around town. He’s cute as fuck, and if he’s not proudly showing me his latest fashion choices, he’s asking me about what animals we have at the clinic right now.
As his hand connects with mine with a satisfying slap, I hear the soft voice I’ve been dreaming about.
‘Hey, Lynnie.’
‘Hey, sweetheart, how you doing today?’
I stand and take Jonah’s hand as we walk into the reception area, and she glances up to meet my gaze for a moment. Jesus, fuck, she looks pretty today in her red coat, her brown waves falling over her shoulders. My fingers twitch with the need to feel how soft her hair is. Why does that piss me off ?
‘I’m good. We, um, baked y’all some Christmas cookies.’
She smiles softly between me and Lynnie.
‘Oh, Missy, that’s sweet.’
‘The decoration is all Jonah’s handy work, right, baby?’ The kid nods and beams up at me. ‘We tasted them, they’re good, and I swear he washed his hands first.’ She chuckles, and I swallow. I really like that sound.
‘Oh, little darlin’, thank you, Jonah,’ Lynnie says enthusiastically. She has pretty much adopted Missy and Jonah as part of her family. ‘Nick,’ Lynnie turns to me, smiling, ‘Missy and Jonah baked us some cookies. Isn’t that nice?’
‘Hmm.’ I nod, not wanting something stupid to come out of my mouth.
‘I hope you like them.’ Missy shrugs.
‘I don’t eat cookies.’
Fuck .
‘Oh.’
‘Nobody needs that much sugar.’ Her face drops, and I feel Jonah staring up at me, but I can’t look at him.
‘ Nicholas ,’ Lynnie scolds, and I feel Jonah’s hand slip from mine, so I turn and walk back into my office.
‘Well, more for you and Merv then, Lynnie,’ Missy says, trying to sound unaffected, but I hear the disappointment.
‘Thank you, guys.’
‘No problem. Merry Christmas.’
Sitting at my desk, I hear the front door to the clinic open and close, and I know they left. Why did I say that? I can’t seem to stop myself from pushing her, saying things to piss her off. I don’t understand it. I can’t stop thinking about her. I think she’s fucking beautiful, and I could be spending this time getting to know her, seeing if maybe there’s something between us, but instead, I push against it and make her think I’m this fucking dick of a guy.
‘I’m leaving,’ Lynnie says, and I nod, my back still to her, as she slides the box of cookies onto the desk in front of me. ‘Now, I don’t know why you told that gorgeous girl that you don’t like cookies when I know you have one hell of a sweet tooth, but it seemed kind of cruel, Nick.’ I inhale at her words, and her hand comes to my shoulder. ‘Missy’s just trying to start over and make friends in a new town. Eat the cookies, and for God’s sake, go and say thank you.’
As she walks away, I hang my head and take a few deep breaths. I hear the door close and the lock turn from the outside. I’ll leave through the back door when I’m ready.
She’s right.
Lynnie Campbell has known me long enough to have seen me eating my body weight in ice cream plenty of times. Her partner Merv owns the diner in town and my love of his doughnuts keeps him in business.
The shame I feel as I sit in silence is uncomfortable, to say the least. I have built up this frustration toward Missy that has me reacting to her before I think, but none of it is her fault, and I know that. Lynnie was right. It was cruel, and it was rude.
Looking down at the little box on my desk, I smile. It looks nice tied up with red and green string with a little candy cane tucked into the top. Now I feel even more of a dick.
I pull out the candy and tug on the string, and the four tabs of the box open up. Pulling out a cookie covered in a mess of green icing and sprinkles, I laugh as I imagine little Jonah going at this like Picasso on an acid trip. I can’t help but picture Missy laughing and trying unsuccessfully to help him do it right .
Jesus, I watch too many Hallmark Christmas movies .
I bite into the cookie, and yep, sweet, sugary goodness.
She offered an olive branch tonight — if I’m honest with myself, she’s offered a few, and I’ve been a total asshole to her when it was never really her I was mad at.
I need to get my head on straight. I need my friend.
‘Hey, brother.’
I clap a hand on Doug’s shoulder before sitting opposite him at what’s become our table at the bar.
‘Hey.’ He eyes me curiously as I pick up the bottle he slid across the table toward me. ‘You’re not looking particularly festive, man.’
I shake my head. ‘I upset Missy. Jonah, too.’
His brow furrows. I know this is a conflict for him. Just like everyone else, Doug has taken Missy in as family. She’s like a sister to him, and he’s the most protective brother I ever met.
‘You want to elaborate?’
‘I keep doing it. You’ve heard us, and you’ve seen the way we are with each other. I just can’t stop this feeling of being pissed off with her all the time when she’s done nothing wrong.’
I rub a hand over my face, feeling the evidence of my frustration in the fact that I forgot to shave this morning.
‘So, what are you pissed off about?’
I take a breath. I know I’m about to sound pathetic.
‘The shop, the apartment. The way my dad fuckin’ smiles at her and acts like he’s just a stand-up guy.’ Shaking my head, I exhale as I wait for him to laugh or call me a dick — anything, but he doesn’t. The silence is worse. ‘It’s not her fault. I guess it just seals the deal, you know. That dumbass kid in me that still wanted his fucking approval despite everything. I thought when Clint died, maybe he would realize he still had a son left, and he would try to fix things between us, plus, I guess I always just assumed he would definitely leave it to me with Clint gone. He sold it all without a word, and then he shows up, telling her how excited he is for her new venture, her fresh start when he still can’t say he’s proud of me.’
I can’t bring myself to look at him. I feel like a twelve-year-old boy, still seeking the love and validation of a man I don’t even respect .
‘Your dad is a prick.’ I flick my eyes up to meet his. ‘He hides it well. He puts on a show of being a perfect guy, a pillar of the community, but we know better — we saw who he really is.’ I take a swig from my bottle and think about all the times Doug, Leo, and Luke would hear him yelling at me and worse, all the times they would leave their bedroom windows open for me to climb in whatever time I needed, all the times they would lie to him and tell him they hadn’t seen me while I hid in their rooms. ‘I’m going to tell you two things, Nick, and I need you to hear them. One, your dad does not deserve the energy you’re spending on being angry at him. You need to let it go. Let him go. And two, Missy doesn’t deserve to bear the brunt of your misdirected anger. You need to apologize and make it right.’
I nod my head. I know he’s right about all of it. I just have no idea how to do it.