30. For The Attention Of Mr. Clinton Barber And Mr. Nicholas Barber
For The Attention Of Mr. Clinton Barber And Mr. Nicholas Barber
Missy
‘Ugh, he is such a pig.’ Zoe says from the tablet on my coffee table. I just finished telling them about Nick’s dad.
‘I thought he seemed nice,’ Cara muses, ‘he was so accommodating over the sale.’
‘Yeah, I bet he was.’ The way Bree says that has me raising an eyebrow, and she shrugs. ‘Cold hard cash in his pocket and two beautiful women to talk to. I’m sure James Barber turned the charm all the way on.’
‘Hmm.’ I think about it. I don’t want to lay out everything that happened because Nick seemed embarrassed to have me know, and he never exactly confirmed anything. He talked about a firm hand, but that could mean anything.
‘Was Nick okay?’ Zoe asks, and I shrug.
‘I think so. He doesn’t seem to have a lot of love for his dad.’
‘Because he’s an asshole. Nick was always at our house when we were kids,’ Bree speaks as she fills our glasses, ‘or at Leo’s because home just wasn’t a safe place for him.’
I think about Jonah. I meant what I said to James — parenting is about making your children feel safe and happy. Nick didn’t feel either of those things. It breaks my heart.
‘So, what now?’ Zoe asks.
‘What do you mean?’
‘Well, he came into your shop to protect you from his asshole dad, and you stood up for him against said asshole dad.’
‘Because we’re friends.’
‘So, it’s still not more than just fuckin’?’
‘Zo,’ I groan but I feel the heat rising up my cheeks at the memory of what happened in my office.
‘Missy, your cheeks are pink,’ Cara says helpfully, and I glare at her.
‘We are enjoying each other’s company, but no, it is not more than that.’
‘You said you were calling it off.’ Bree’s police chief tone is something else. Zoe falls silent, and Cara and I turn to look at the chief, leaning back in her chair, legs tucked up under her butt, wine glass in her hand.
‘You were?’ Cara asks.
‘I was,’ I say, then take a breath. ‘I am.’
‘Missy,’ Zoe scolds, and all eyes fall on the tablet. ‘Don’t you dare.’
‘Zo, I have to. It’s getting complicated.’
‘So let it,’ Cara says. ‘Trust me, Miss, complicated can be so good if you let it.’
It’s so different for her. She hasn’t had the knotty past I have, so she was open and ready for serious.
‘Look, for the record, I think you’re an idiot.’ Bree says, reaching for a slice of pizza, and I frown at her. ‘Nick is one of the good ones, and if you’re not careful, someone who can see that will come along and open her arms wide to let him in.’ I don’t like how that makes me feel, so I sip my wine and lower my gaze as I consider the idea of Nick meeting somebody else and moving on.
‘He doesn’t want a relationship either.’ My voice is quiet and weak as I protest, and Bree nods. ‘Can we change the subject please?’ My gaze is fixed on Bree’s as though she’s in charge of where the conversation goes, and she smirks.
‘Well, I guess, as I was always curious.’ She grins mischievously, and I wait. ‘Is his dick as big as his brother’ s was? Because my god , that thing had its own gravitational pull.’
Cackles erupt from my group of tipsy friends, and I smile. I need to make this light, play the game, have fun, and talk about how Nick can make my body sing, even if my mind and my heart are at war over this man.
Nick
‘Nicky.’
My mom answers the door with wide eyes, a fresh shiner coloring one of them.
‘Jesus, Ma.’ I hang my head and exhale through my nose to steady my rage. I know him well enough to know that I’m the reason for the black eye, or at least, his rage at not being able to give me one of them yesterday means he came home and took it out on her instead.
‘It’s not a good time, baby.’
‘Because he put his hands on you again? Ma, walk away, please, before he puts you in the ground.’
‘ Nicky .’ I know that tone. I’ve heard it a hundred times. It says: he’s my husband, and he made a mistake. I love him. He won’t survive without me.
‘Ma, I quit, I really do. You deserve better than him — than this, but it’s on you to see that.’ I shake my head. ‘Where is he?’
‘He’s not here, Nick. He went to visit Clint.’
Of course, he did. He makes plenty of time for his dead son, yet none for the one he has left.
‘Good, I just need to collect some of my things, and then I’m done, Mama. This is the last time I come to this house while he’s still breathing.’
I pass her in the doorway and head for my old room. There’s not much still here, just a few mementos, photos, and things that got left behind years ago. I grab those, then head for his den.
‘Nick, you shouldn’t be in here.’ My mom pleads for me to leave, and I feel guilty that if he finds out I was in here, she’ll bear the brunt of it, but I need something, and I can’t leave without it.
‘I won’t be long, Ma. Go out back or something.’
‘Nick, please.’
‘Mama,’ I snap, and she flinches. I fucking hate that. ‘I’m sorry. Please, just give me ten minutes.’
Reluctantly, she backs away, and I open the drawer on his cabinet. It’s over a hundred years old, handed down through Barber men, and its journey stops right here. I walked away from the legacy. It was a miracle that he gave me the apartment, I suspect, to save face and not have to face the people of Forest Falls when he couldn’t even give his last remaining son a place to call his own, but I don’t trust that there’s not some loophole that means he can take it all back.
‘Yes.’ Relief pumps through me as I lay my hands on the deed to the apartment and see my name on it. I still want to get another set of eyes on it. I’ll probably turn to Doug since he and Cara deal with property contracts all the time.
Putting everything back the way I found it before heading out, I find my mom on the sofa, chewing her nails.
‘Nicky, I wish you hadn’t done that.’
‘Ma,’ I lean down to kiss her cheek, ‘Leave him, please.’
‘I can’t.’ Her words are a whisper, and I see the tears in her eyes. I can’t drag her out of here by her hair. I have tried since I was a kid to get her to leave. The answer was always no.
‘I won’t be back, Mama. I won’t come here again. I love you, but I have to draw a line under him and this place. ’
She nods, her sad eyes closing as I speak. Then I turn and walk away.
‘Nick, wait.’
I freeze, my hand on the doorknob, and I turn back to see her get up and walk toward me with what looks like an envelope in her hands.
‘I know I let you down. I let us all down. I know that, but the fact is, Nick, I don’t want to leave your father. I should, I know I should, but I’m not the sort of woman who can be alone.’
‘Ma,’
‘Just listen. I love you. I loved you the second you were born, and I love you now, but I loved you wrong. I know I did.’ She raises her hand up to my cheek, and the sadness in her eyes breaks my heart. ‘I won’t ask any more of you, Nicky. I won’t ask you to come over and spend time with us. I accept and understand your need to cut us off, but it’s time I gave you this.’
She hands me the envelope, and I look down at it in my hands.
For the attention of Mr. Clinton Barber and Mr. Nicholas Barber is printed formally on the envelope.
‘Mama, what is this?’
‘It’s the keys and the deed to the cabin. My father left it to you years ago, but your daddy didn’t want you to have it. He thought if Clint couldn’t enjoy it, you shouldn’t either.’
I exhale the emotions I’m feeling: sadness for my grandad and my brother and anger at my dad and my mom.
‘He left us the cabin.’ It’s not a question. I was surprised when Grandad died, and these keys didn’t show up. He used to take Clint and me out there all the time to hike, fish, make smores, and swim in the lake. We made great memories there.
‘It’s just been locked up this whole time, Nick, so I don’t know what kind of state it’s in.’ She takes a step back. ‘I’m sorry.’
I take it, pulling her into a brief hug and pressing a kiss to her temple, then walk away.