Chapter 15 #5
“You told me you didn’t want Aurora to see us together and today you invite me to dinner, I thought I understood that you didn’t want us to appear as a couple and now you force me to come to your bedroom,” she reproached.
“Don’t you want to be here?”
“I don’t want to be confused,” she said, and the sadness in her words and tone of voice caused a pang in my chest that disconcerted me because the last thing I wanted was to hurt her.
“What do you mean?”
“I don’t want...” she began to say, but stopped.
“What is it you don’t want?” I insisted.
“It doesn’t matter,” she said, looking at me terrified.
“It matters to me.”
“Please, William.”
“Listen to me, Devon,” I said, pulling her to sit on the bed, “I need to talk to you because it’s clear that something is happening between us that is stronger than what we had planned.”
I took a chance by expressing my doubts; it was the only way to clarify things. She looked at me but said nothing.
“I mean that when we met, we both proposed a friendship with sex, but I’ve gotten to know you and I want to spend all the time possible with you, now I want more.”
“More?”
“I want you to be my girlfriend, to be mine, only mine. I want to do all those things that couples do with you, go to the movies, out to dinner, sleep with you, I want everything, absolutely everything.”
Devon looked at me, but she was speechless, though I could see the sparkle in her eyes.
“Devon?”
“And Aurora?”
“That’s a whole issue because I’m clear that if things don’t work out between us, she could suffer from your departure. Today I was surprised when she said you were her mom; she had said it before you arrived too.”
“And she also told me at my house, which is why I had a conversation with her to clarify that I wasn’t,” she explained.
“I know you wouldn’t tell her that, but it’s evident that she sees you as that maternal figure she’s always lacked. For that reason, I also know we need to be very careful with the image we give her, but I don’t want to distance myself from you, much less lose you.”
Her sensual perfume seduced me and was making me lose control.
And I couldn’t hold back anymore and I lunged for her lips.
I kissed her with all the desire I had felt since I’d seen her at the door.
The warmth of her provocative lips and their softness drove me crazy.
With my tongue I urged her to open them and she immediately surrendered to pleasure.
The kiss became deep, our tongues swept away everything in their path and we savored each other’s taste, and I can assure you that hers was unique, tempting, and incomparable.
I explored her urgently, while embracing her and pulling her close to feel her body, but I couldn’t resist much longer and made her lie down so I could hover over her.
Devon tangled her fingers in my hair and that sent electricity through my entire body.
The sound of our agitated breathing was the only thing breaking the silence and calm of the bedroom.
Slowly I began to ease the kiss so I could separate and look at her.
When we opened our eyes and looked at each other, I knew that sincere, sweet, and at that moment ardent gaze was something I didn’t want to stop observing.
Her chest rose and fell with difficulty, which evidenced a telling excitement.
I helped her remove her blouse and bra, and I quickly got rid of my shirt as well.
“My goodness, ‘Sweet.’ I don’t recognize myself; with you I seem like a teenager out of control,” I whispered in her ear, taking the opportunity to kiss her earlobe.
Devon shuddered and gasped, and I continued a tortuous path of delicate kisses and unbridled caresses with my tongue across her cheeks, jawline, and neck, kissing every inch of her skin until I reached her bare breasts and paused there.
I cupped them with my hands while dedicating myself to kissing one and then the other.
Devon moaned and writhed beneath my body.
After delighting in them, I continued my journey down her flat, firm abdomen until I reached her waist and encountered her pants.
I raised myself slightly and unfastened them to remove them gently.
When I saw her sensual white lace underwear, I had to make an effort not to remove it with my teeth—it looked incredible on her.
I got rid of my pants and underwear and returned to her, who was looking at me with desire shining in her eyes.
I positioned my face between her legs and began tracing a path with my tongue toward her sex.
When I reached that precious place, she startled and let out a moan.
I devoted myself to savoring her and also added a couple of fingers to increase her pleasure.
I noticed Devon was about to reach orgasm because her moans intensified and she writhed with pleasure.
A few seconds later, her body convulsed, and she screamed my name.
Her pleasure spread through my body like an electric shock; it was incredible.
Seeing her and hearing my name at that precise moment was something glorious and intense.
“Williaaam.”
“Yes, ‘Sweet,’ it’s me, only me,” I said, in a broken voice because I was extremely aroused and breathing quickly and audibly. “Now I need to be inside you because I can’t hold back much longer.”
“Do it.”
I hurried to put on the condom and positioned myself between her legs again.
I placed myself at her entrance and, with one thrust, entered her body, sinking deeper and deeper until I was completely buried inside her.
We both closed our eyes and let out a loud moan, and for a few seconds, I remained still, kissing her lips, face, and neck; feeling her and enjoying her body enveloping me with its tightness.
The connection with Devon was so intense that my heart was beating in a strange way, like it had never done before, of that I was certain.
Devon wrapped her legs and arms around me, and slowly I began to withdraw from her body until I was almost completely out before plunging back into her.
The thrusts became increasingly stronger and faster, accompanied by our moans that were now uncontrollable.
I joined my hands with hers, interlacing our fingers, and raised them above her head.
Orgasm was imminent, and we managed to reach it simultaneously.
It was an endless orgasm that made us tremble and scream with absolutely no control over our bodies, hearts, or souls.
An electric current ran through my entire body, making me lose all sense of everything; I was only capable of feeling and looking at her.
What I experienced was so powerful that I collapsed on top of her, feeling as if I had fainted.
I buried my face in her shoulder, trying to recover and normalize the racing beats of my heart.
I felt moved and terrified. What was happening to me with Devon?
It was as if all my foundations had shifted and my orderly world was crumbling.
Nothing like this had ever happened to me before, and I wasn’t clear what it meant, though I was beginning to suspect, and that scared the hell out of me.
For a few minutes we remained silent and embraced. Each processing what we had experienced.
“I can’t explain what you make me feel, Devon; nothing comes close to what I feel when I’m with you,” I confessed.
“It’s, it’s... very intense,” she finally said.
“Intense and incredible.”
I withdrew from her and removed the condom, tied it off and left it on the floor. Then I lay down beside her, turning on my side with my head propped on my hand to look at her seriously.
“‘Sweet,’ we need to talk about us.”
She lowered her gaze, which worried me.
“Why did you propose a relationship?” she asked, with shyness or sadness, I couldn’t tell which.
“Because I want to share with you everything that couples do and see where it leads us,” I replied, and noticed that upon hearing this, her eyes opened wide, and that gesture only increased my concern.
I was aware of what she thought about love and marriage, and I knew that her disappointment with her first marriage made her cautious, so I would have to take things slowly. Slow but steady.
“What do you mean?” she asked nervously.
“I mean a relationship that grows and that might inspire us to...”
“No, William,” she said firmly, interrupting me, then got up and left the bed to start looking for her clothes.
“What’s wrong, ‘Sweet’? What do you mean when you say no?” I asked, concerned, and getting out of bed to go to her, but first I put on my boxer shorts because the conversation seemed to be turning too serious to be naked.
“I told you I don’t want to go through that again.
I don’t want a relationship that leads to thinking about marriage with everything that implies.
I don’t aspire to or want to get married again.
It seems right that you want to form a family because you and Aurora deserve it, but I can’t offer you that.
It’s better if I leave,” she said, picking up her clothes and heading toward the bathroom.
I was so astonished that it took me a few minutes to react. Was I so wrong? I had believed that she felt the same way I did. Why was she denying us the possibility of getting to know each other better and trying to be happy?
I caught up with her before she reached the bathroom and grabbed her arm.
“Why?”
I noticed her eyes were glistening, as if she was about to cry.
“Because I can’t.”
“You can’t or you don’t want to? Don’t you feel anything for me?” I risked asking.
Devon let out a sigh, lowered her gaze and went back to the bed to sit down. She covered her body with her clothes and hugged herself. She looked defeated, and that squeezed my heart. I didn’t like seeing her like this. I went over, sat beside her and turned to face her.
“Tell me what’s happening. Why don’t you want to be with me?”
“I didn’t say that,” she sighed, raised her eyes and looked at me with sadness. “I suppose when you say see what happens you’re referring to a future together.”
“I’m referring to a future where we can form a family with Aurora and the children we might have,” I stated, but that seemed to sadden her even more because she could no longer contain the tears that began to silently roll down her cheeks.
“What’s wrong, Devon? Why are you getting like this?
” I asked, concerned and gently wiping her tears with my hands.
“And that’s what you deserve, but I can’t offer you what you want. I will never be able to give you what you dream of.”
“Are you talking about feelings? Do you think you can’t love or that you can’t love me?”
“No, to all your questions. Nobody has control over that emotion, even if I tried I know I can’t manage it.
We were naive when we established the rule of no falling in love.
As if we had powers to prevent it, nobody escapes that feeling, even with all their willpower.
It’s beyond our understanding and judgment.
” She looked at me with that infinite sadness and my fears grew because I saw the decision in her gaze.
“Although I really enjoy being with you and, right now, there’s nothing I want more, I can’t be selfish, I have to be honest with you.
I can’t give you the family you desire and the right thing is to spare us greater suffering. ”
“I still don’t understand. Why can’t you?”
“Because I can’t have children. I will never be able to give you the family that you and Aurora deserve.
You see, I’m not the woman with whom you can plan a future.
I’m just the woman you can make your first proposal to, a woman for an adventure, nothing more.
I’ve already been abandoned for that reason and I don’t want to go through that again.
It’s better to stop this before it’s too late.
I’m sorry, William,” she said, and her voice broke with a sob she tried to suppress, but couldn’t.
“I hope you’ll be happy because you deserve it, just as Aurora deserves a big family. ”
She stood up and dressed quickly while I watched her, not knowing what to say. I was so astonished by her confession that I wasn’t clear about what I was feeling nor did I know what to tell her. I saw her leave the bedroom, but I couldn’t even get up from the bed.