Chapter 18
“It’s not a coincidence when life insists on crossing your path with certain people. Something was left to be said, to forgive, to feel. To learn.”
—The Little Prince - Antoine de Saint-Exupéry
Devon
A few days after arriving in Punta del Este, I was feeling terrible, extremely discouraged and sad.
I felt an enormous nostalgia for William and Aurora, and I had to make a great effort so Orson wouldn’t notice because I didn’t want to ruin our vacation days, but I was sure it was impossible to fool him because my friend had radar for detecting my mood.
“Maybe you just need to let time pass, and perhaps in a few months, it will just be a memory,” he assured me, looking at me seriously while we were sitting on the sand.
Every morning we would go running on the beach and then take a dip and lie in the sun for a while.
“Yes, perhaps it’s just a matter of time,” I said, surprised by his comment because we had been talking about what we would do that night, and out of nowhere, he had made that remark.
“You think you can fool me; but, darling, I know you’re immensely sad.
I don’t want you to keep behaving as you have been, trying to hide your sadness.
It’s not good. Sadness burns and destroys you from within, and you’re trying to store it, bury it inside you, and that will cause you greater harm.
Sadness isn’t weakness. You need to express the pain you feel,” he pointed out, while I looked at him surprised by his reflections, but very attentive to them.
“Imagine how harmful it is for all that anguish to be kept inside you. Let out that cry you’re holding back, let the bomb explode and cry until you have no more tears.
I’m here for you. It’s time to heal, beautiful,” he finished, putting an arm around my shoulders to pull me closer and hug me.
“Thank you, Orson. I love you,” I affirmed, resting my head on his shoulder.
“And I love you too.”
“It’s my fault. I broke my own heart because I knew William was getting under my skin and even so, I insisted that I could handle the situation. I was delusional.”
“Stop blaming yourself. In these things, nobody is at fault for anything. You did what we always told you to do, enjoy life. With Cavaller you had good moments, and that’s still something good.
Now it’s time to move on. You have to let go, remember that in life we must release what doesn’t want to stay with us, what causes us pain,” said my wise friend.
“I’m going to forget him,” I affirmed, convinced.
“Right now my soul is broken, but someday I’ll reminisce about the story I lived with him, I’ll remember the sensations, what I felt, but there won’t be any pain.
As you rightly say, I have to let go, which in this case means nothing more than distancing myself from them, loving what I already have, which is a lot, and being grateful for all the good things that surround me. ”
“Like me,” he said, smiling.
“Very true, I couldn’t be more grateful for having you in my life. I don’t want you to worry, I assure you I’m going to be fine, it will take me some time, but I will be.”
“And meanwhile you have me, who is more handsome, younger, and much more charming,” he said, giving me a little nudge with his shoulder against mine and smiling.
I smiled and hugged him.
“And I’m very fortunate to have you.”
“You are,” he affirmed, still smiling, but suddenly he became serious and added, “It’s time to go back, Devon.”
“Are you hungry already?” I asked, smiling.
“I mean going back to Montevideo and resuming our lives,” he affirmed, and I nodded. “When are we leaving?”
“If you want, we can leave early tomorrow. If we travel in the morning, the traffic is lighter.”
“Very well, then tomorrow we return. It was a beautiful and short vacation. Now, let’s go, but to have lunch because I’m famished,” he said, standing up and stretching out his hand for me to take it and pull me up.
And the day to return arrived. As soon as I opened the door to my apartment, the all-too-familiar solitude greeted me, but gloomier than ever, so much so that it made me very aware of it.
After putting away the clothes I had brought and putting some things in the washing machine, I opened the windows to let some air into the apartment and went to see Dona Carmen, my 80-year-old neighbor whom I helped with some things and visited to keep her company a bit.
“Hello, Carmen, how have you been?” I greeted her, giving her a hug.
“I’m fine, child, and you?” she asked, calling me affectionately as she always did. “How was your trip? With all the work you do, you should go away for a whole month to rest in some romantic place,” she affirmed, as we sat down in the comfortable living room armchairs.
“Romantic? Why would you want me to go to a romantic place if I don’t have a partner?” I asked, smiling.
“You don’t? Then who is the man who has been helping me with the shopping these last few days?
A very handsome, charming, and polite young man who came by twice to help me and who said he was your friend, but it was clear to me that he’s more than a friend, or at least he intends to be,” she commented, with a mischievous smile, leaving me completely perplexed.
“Whaaaat? I have no idea who that could have been. As always, I told the doormen to help you while I was away. Who did you let in here?” I asked, worried that someone might have pretended to be my friend to steal something from her. “I’m going to ask the doorman,” I said, standing up.
“Sit down, it’s not necessary, dear. The one who came by was Mr. Cavaller, the father of the little girl you were taking care of. He’s a charming man and I hope you don’t let him get away.”
“Whaaaat? What are you talking about? Cavaller?” I asked, completely bewildered.
I didn’t understand anything. How could William have taken care of Carmen when I had never told him about her? And, assuming it was him, why had he done it? I was totally confused and looked at Carmen not knowing what to say.
“Close your mouth or your jaw will hit the floor,” she joked, with her characteristic good humor.
“Mr. Cavaller came by the building because he wanted to see you, and it seems that one of the doormen, I don’t know which one because they’re both quite gossipy, though charming I must say, told him what you do for me, and Mr. Cavaller, knowing you weren’t here, kindly offered to help me.
” She looked at me and smiled mischievously again.
“It’s obvious he didn’t do it for me, although he’s a very nice young man, but this time his intentions were different—to please you and try to get information about your whereabouts, but I didn’t tell him,” she finished with a big smile of satisfaction.
“I still don’t understand,” I said, unable to say anything else. I was in shock.
“Oh, dear! There is no one more blind than the one who refuses to see, as the saying goes, and it applies to you right now. Don’t lie to yourself, that young man is in love with you and I think you feel the same way about him.”
“Carmen, how can you be so sure if you don’t even know him? Besides, I never told you about him.”
“But I talked a lot with him, and it took me five minutes to realize that he loves you, it’s that simple,” she said, shrugging her shoulders. “Would you like some tea?”
“I’ll prepare it, don’t worry,” I said, going to the kitchen, but with my mind elsewhere, more precisely on William Cavaller.
“I made chocolate cake, bring portions for both of us,” she indicated.
I still couldn’t understand his behavior.
No matter how much I thought about it, I couldn’t find a justification.
He was a man who was used to others doing things for him, not the other way around.
I also didn’t consider him a person who would worry about his neighbors; it was as if he lived in his private world without caring about others’.
So, what had led him to offer help to Carmen when he didn’t even know her?
While preparing the tea, an idea came to my mind, an idea that disappointed and infuriated me in equal parts.
What if now that he knew there was no risk of an unwanted pregnancy with me, he wanted me as his lover again?
Could that be it? With all these ideas swirling in my head, I brought the tea and cake to the living room and continued talking with Carmen, who didn’t mention Cavaller again.
A while later I returned to my apartment.
I was still so surprised that I couldn’t stop thinking about the news Carmen had given me.
It occurred to me that I could go ask the doorman.
A knock at the door pulled me from my thoughts.
At that moment I remembered that Carmen had prepared a piece of chocolate cake for me to take home and I had forgotten it, so I assumed it was her.
I was wrong.
Standing in front of me was William Cavaller, more handsome than ever, looking at me strangely.
“William, what are you doing here?” I asked, not knowing what else to say.
“I came to see you and talk to you. May I come in?” he asked, hesitantly.
“I think in our last conversation things were made clear, I don’t think that…”
“Actually, in our last conversation nothing was clear because I didn’t say anything. May I come in?” he insisted.
I sighed and stepped aside to let him in, though not convinced it was the best thing to do.
“Come in,” I said.
I closed the door and turned to look at him. He was standing a few feet away from me and looking at me very seriously.
“I missed you, ‘Dulce.’” The words tumbled from his lips.
“If what you want is to sleep with me again, I’m saying no. Forget about me,” I asked, because at that moment the idea crossed my mind again that he wanted to be my lover again because now he had the assurance that I wouldn’t give him complications with pregnancies.