Chapter 19
“Love is a precious pearl that, if not possessed, nothing else matters, and if possessed, everything else is superfluous.”
—Saint Augustine of Hippo
William
I needed to say something, I swallowed hard, but no sound came from my mouth. I think even my lungs forgot they needed to breathe. Where had all my damn confidence gone? I, the powerful and cold Cavaller, felt like an insignificant insect next to her. Only she could reduce me to this state.
It was Devon who finally broke the silence.
“William, what are you doing here?”
“I came to see you and talk to you. May I come in?” I asked, making a great effort to string together something coherent.
“I think in our last conversation things were made clear, I don’t think that…”
“Actually, in our last conversation nothing was clear because I didn’t say anything. May I come in?” I insisted, interrupting her, because I wasn’t going to leave without explaining everything I had to say and what I was feeling.
She looked at me hesitantly, but after a few seconds that felt like an eternity, she stepped away from the door so I could enter her apartment.
“Come in.”
I quickly entered and stood watching as she closed the door. I had to make a tremendous effort not to run to her, embrace her and kiss her until she lost her senses. Just looking at her had me aroused. Nothing like this had ever happened to me before.
“I missed you, ‘Sweet,’” I stated, unaware that my thoughts had been verbalized.
“If what you want is to sleep with me again, my answer is no. Forget about me,” she affirmed, decisively.
“Forget you? I would forget you, if only I knew how,” I said, preparing the path that would lead me to confess, for the first time in my life, what my heart felt and what I had discovered thanks to her.
“Don’t say that, William,” she said, shaking her head and not hiding how nervous she was.
“I say it because it’s the truth. Why did you leave?” I asked, and tried to approach her, but she avoided me and walked to the armchair, taking a seat there.
“Why wouldn’t I? When I confessed that I couldn’t have children, as you just mentioned, you said nothing, you just stared at me and let me go.
I assumed your silence and inaction meant that what we had couldn’t be.
Don’t misunderstand me, I’m not reproaching you because I understand that what I can offer isn’t what you want, and that’s understandable.
What you desire is what everyone desires, even I desired it once, but I can’t offer it to you and there’s nothing I can do to change that,” she stated, and although she tried not to make it sound like a reproach, I know it was, and she was right.
By remaining silent, I had behaved like a cruel son of a bitch.
But I had come to make things clear and I wasn’t planning to leave until I did.
“Are you finished?” I asked, and walked to the armchair where she was sitting and sat down too.
“It depends,” she replied.
“May I speak?”
“You don’t need to say anything, really.
I think it would have been better if you hadn’t come and we’d left things as they were.
I suppose you must be angry, they always get angry with me,” she said, and her defeated attitude broke my heart and I wished I had her ex in front of me so I could beat the crap out of him for making her suffer like that.
“Angry? You think I’m angry with you? If I were, it would only be because when you left me, you tore out my heart and took it with you. But I’m not angry with you, I’m angry with myself for not having the courage to tell you how I feel about you,” I said, one step away from confessing my feelings.
“I don’t understand where you’re going with this.”
“I’m in love with you,” I confessed, there it was, I had said it.
“I’ve never been in love before and that’s why I didn’t realize that what I felt for you was immense love.
It’s beautiful and distressing to give that power to another person, but I give it to you.
You have the power over my happiness or my misery, because I am deeply and completely in love with you.
I don’t want to lose you; without you my life is hell.
Without you I can’t sleep, I can’t eat, I can’t think.
I love you, Devon Dulcet, my sweet doctor, you are the doctor of my heart.
” I observed her for long seconds and then asked, “Can you say something? Please, tell me something,” I begged, moving as close to her as I could and feeling immensely anxious at her astonishment.
“William, you let me go,” she insisted.
“Because I was an imbecile. Because at that moment you seemed so determined to leave and your confession left me so surprised that I couldn’t react.
Forgive me, I was a complete idiot. But this idiot loves you more than he can explain.
It doesn’t matter to me that you can’t have children.
I love you and it’s you I want to be with, nothing else matters to me,” I affirmed, hoping she would understand that only she mattered to me.
“I don’t want you to give up being a father because of me,” she said, and I could tell that her voice was breaking and barely audible.
“I’m already a father, and besides, you’re only guilty of taking possession of my heart and my daughter’s, who also loves you very much,” I affirmed.
“Surely you want Aurora to have siblings and I...”
She didn’t finish her sentence and lowered her head. Once again, it seemed as if she was letting life defeat her. I reached out and took her by the chin to lift her face, but I was so nervous that I was trembling just like she was.
“I love you. You are the most extraordinary woman I’ve ever met in my life and I want you for myself, I want a life with you.
I’ve never felt connected to someone the way I feel with you.
I know you probably don’t love me because I haven’t given you reasons to love me, but I will fight every day to earn your love.
And now, stop making excuses and tell me if I have any chance.
Put me out of this torment, please,” I begged, but a light of hope ignited in my heart when I saw the emotion of joy reflected in her eyes.
“I love you. I love you so much that I walked away from you so you could be happy having a big family, I walked away from you because I want the best for you and Aurora and I think I’m not it.
I love you, I’ve missed you with all my soul and without you, I can’t sleep or eat or think either. I love you with all my heart and soul.”
My soul returned to my body. Hearing her say she loved me was the most wonderful thing that had ever happened to me.
“Devon... you and Aurora are the best things that have happened in my life, you are my life. Devon...”
I brought my hand to her soft, full lips and caressed them with my thumb, and I couldn’t hold back any longer and leaned over to kiss her.
I poured into that kiss all the love I felt for her.
With Devon it had always been like this, but at that moment and, for the first time, I was conscious that I was kissing her with love.
“My sweet love, my sweet doctor. You can’t imagine how much I’ve missed you. I love you and desire you madly,” I said, without separating my lips from hers to kiss her again.
I only pulled away to be able to breathe normally because my heart and lungs were about to collapse. I wanted to go slowly, but I looked at her and in her shining eyes I saw so much desire that I lost what little control I had left and began to strip off her clothes while kissing her silky skin.
“I want you so much, my love, that I don’t think we’ll make it to the bedroom. I’m going to take you here, I’m going to make love to you,” I said, with a hoarse and panting voice.
“Do it. I’m burning for you too,” she affirmed, and her words made something explode inside me.
I undressed as quickly as I could and hovered over her.
Feeling her perfect skin, the warmth of her body and seeing her overwhelmed by passion was.
.. too much. My control went out the window.
I held her hands above her head and launched myself at her spectacular breasts, soft, firm and perfect.
I was breathless and so hard it hurt. I continued kissing her delicious body, pausing at her navel before continuing the journey to her most intimate area, which I was eager to taste again.
Gently, I opened her legs, put my hands on her thighs and buried my mouth in her. She was delicious.
Devon couldn’t keep still and buried her fingers in my hair, clinging to it. Her pants and moans intensified as I accelerated the rhythm of my tongue.
“Your taste is fascinating, it drives me crazy with desire. You drive me crazy, crazy.”
“William, I need you, please,” she implored, and I knew it was time because I couldn’t hold back any longer either.
“I need you too, my love.”
I positioned myself between her legs and, without taking my eyes off hers, I slid inside her. I had to clench my jaw because I almost came at that moment. We both moaned loudly. I started moving, feeling like I was in paradise.
“God, ‘Sweet,’ what I feel with you seems unreal, it’s indescribable.”