Chapter 7
ETHAN
After Claire sent me her new address, I saved the message. On Saturday morning, I opened it again. The navigation showed it was less than twenty minutes from home. I knew she hadn’t invited me over, but I checked the traffic anyway.
That was when Vivian called. Sam had his first lesson in a new swimming class that afternoon, and she wanted me to go with them and help get everything sorted out on the first day.
“My mother’s coming, but you know what she’s like. The moment she gets anxious, she has to ask about everything. We all relax a little when you’re there.”
I stood by the door with my car keys. She went on to say we could take Sam out for a meal after class. He wanted to go to the restaurant with the terrace.
“Can your mother stay with him the whole time today?” I asked.
“Yes. She even packed the wrong swim trunks, so I have to check everything again.” She laughed. “That’s why we need you.”
I looked down at the keys and didn’t laugh with her.
“I’m not coming with you. There are some things I want to talk to you about in person.”
I’d always thought of her house as being on the way. Today, I parked outside and found her mother putting a swim bag in the car.
I greeted her. She said Sam was upstairs looking for his goggles and asked if I wanted to come in for coffee.
“No, thank you. I’m just going to say a few things, then leave.”
Vivian was already dressed when she came out. She wore one earring and held the other in her hand. She glanced at my car.
“You really won’t come? It’s only the first day.”
“And from now on, don’t assume I’ll be coming to things like this.”
Her hand stopped fastening the earring. Standing under the porch roof, I said plainly what I’d planned to phrase more politely on the drive over.
“Classes, shopping, company on everyday errands—you need to arrange those yourself. My assistant and driver won’t be handling them for you anymore either.”
“What happened?”
“I’ve said yes to too much. I’ve let you think these things are mine to do.”
She put the earring on, her fingers lingering beside her earlobe. “Did Claire send you here to tell me this?”
“No. She didn’t ask me to come.”
“She’s moved out, so now you can’t even look after a friend?”
“I should have dealt with this before she moved out.”
“You know what a mess things were when I first came back. Before, you used to ask what else needed doing without me even having to say anything.”
Of course I remembered. She would send a photo, saying the table had finally arrived, Sam loved it, and she was glad she’d had my help.
I would see it between meetings, and some of the irritation of a busy morning would ease.
Sometimes I’d come home and find Claire waiting to discuss the following week’s arrangements, and the first thing I’d say was to let me catch my breath.
“I only wanted some company. I’m not asking you to raise my child,” she said. “You can’t even sit down for a cup of coffee?”
She stepped back to let me pass. Two cups waited on the counter. If I sat down, I could make this conversation easier for both of us.
“Not today.”
“You don’t even have ten minutes?”
I did. My afternoon was free, and so was my evening. The person I most wanted to see lived at another address and hadn’t asked me to come. Admitting that made me even more uncomfortable.
“I have time. But I’ve already told you I’m not spending today with you.”
Her lips pressed together. “Fine. So being with me is a chore now.”
“The fact that I always said yes before doesn’t mean this can go on.”
“But you were free today anyway.”
I almost offered one last outing, just to stop her looking at me that way. Upstairs, Sam called for his grandmother to untangle his goggles. She went in to help. He had everything he needed. I was the one who couldn’t bear disappointing Vivian.
“You can be angry with me,” I said. “But I’m not going today.”
She wiped the corner of her eye, her voice turning cold. “You make it sound like I’ve been clinging to you all this time. At the hospital, I didn’t force you to leave her.”
“I chose it myself.”
Her lips parted. She seemed not to have expected such a quick answer.
“I knew she was waiting, and I left anyway. I won’t say you left me no choice.” I looked at her. “Today, too, I’m choosing not to keep spending time with you this way. Don’t go to Claire. Don’t make her answer your questions about why.”
“Things go wrong between the two of you, and this is how you treat me?”
“I came here to tell you what I will and won’t do.”
She took out her phone and showed me an arrangement. “Your people confirmed next week’s deliveries too. Am I supposed to call every shop all over again?”
“You’ll get the confirmed times and the shops’ contact information. If you need changes after that, you can contact them yourself. The regular rides with my driver will stop too.”
“How thoughtful.”
Those words stung enough to make my jaw tighten. She’d never spoken to me like that before.
Sam came down with his goggles and asked which car I would take. I crouched and explained he was going with his mom and grandma. His grandmother checked his water bottle.
When I stood up, she asked, “So we’ll handle the rides ourselves on Saturdays from now on?”
“Yes.”
“All right. I’ll work it out with her.” She looked at her daughter. “Give me a copy of the schedule.”
Vivian didn’t look at her or walk me to the car.
In the car, I called my assistant and told them to give Vivian all the outstanding personal arrangements and contacts in one go, and to cancel any further staff accompaniment and car service for her.
My assistant asked whether, if she said something was urgent at the last minute, they should still go ahead and arrange it as usual.
“No. Her own daily arrangements are hers to handle.”
I almost added, “Ask me if it’s a special case.” I hung up before I could.
My mother called on the way home.
“Vivian just called me. She was crying so hard I could barely understand her. What did you go to her house and say?”
I pulled over and told her what had happened. Before I finished, she said Sam already didn’t have his father around every day. Whatever disagreements the adults had, we shouldn’t upset a child.
“He’s going to class as usual today. He has his mother and his grandmother. I haven’t left him somewhere alone.”
“You never used to speak like this.”
“Then what should I say? Yes to her, yes to you, and leave Claire waiting again?”
My mother was silent for a moment.
“Don’t take your temper out on me. I just think there’s always a kinder way to handle things.”
“I shouldn’t have snapped at you just now.” I pinched the bridge of my nose. “But the arrangements stand. And please don’t make promises to her for me, then tell me afterward.”
She accused me of disregarding years of friendship. I wanted to list everything I’d done for them and make her take it back.
“Mom, I’m not going today. And I’m not going to keep making the same arrangements from now on.”
She stopped trying to persuade me and hung up first.
Once I was driving again, I turned on the radio, then soon turned it off. Later, my assistant sent confirmation: the contact details had been handed over to Vivian, and her mother had taken over the schedule for rides. It was done. Yet no one had said it was a good thing.
At home, I began a message to Claire about seeing Vivian, then deleted it. She’d heard enough promises about “from now on.” I called instead, wanting to hear her voice.
It rang several times before she answered.
“Ethan?”
“I really want to see you.”
She didn’t answer right away. Quickly, I said I could stay just a little while, bring her dinner, and leave after we ate.
“I want an early night tonight.”
It wasn’t even seven. I wanted to ask if she’d eaten, to tell her what I’d done today, as though that might change her answer. I pressed my hand against my knee.
“Okay. Get some rest.”
“Mm.”
“Good night, Claire.”
She said good night too. I waited for her to hang up before setting down my phone. She hadn’t asked what I’d done that day, and to my own surprise, it hurt for quite a while.
There was half a loaf of bread downstairs.
I cut a slice and pressed too hard spreading the butter, tearing the soft surface and scattering crumbs on the counter.
When Claire used to see that, she would tell me to let the butter sit for a while and stop taking it out on the bread.
I picked up a second slice and waited a few minutes.
After eating, I washed the knife and plate and didn’t call her again.
After dinner, Vivian sent a message.
“Everyone knows you used to help me with these things. How am I supposed to explain to my friends why you’ve suddenly stopped doing anything for us?”
I looked at the word “suddenly” and replied, “Tell them what actually happened.”